RESPECT first and foremost. It seems like if that's there, then everything else naturally comes along with it.

I can't speak for others because I only know what I need which is a partner who listens and takes my feelings into consideration and is willing to compromise and doesn't try to control me. Someone who I know wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. Someone who shows me he cares through words, actions and affection.

I would dare say most women just want to be treated kindly and made to feel special. We want someone we can truly talk to you who we know actually "listens" and cares about our feelings. We want to have fun and laugh with that person and just enjoy each other's company and know we can trust them (although this is difficult after what many have been through).

I'm not as good with words as other posters here, so am anxious to read other's replies.

What I would love is respect, trust and understanding. We are human and with that comes a host of problems. We want to be considered an equal in the relationship. Someone that would laugh, cry and howl with me. Find life an adventure rather and a chore to be tolerated. To be open and considerate. Then I would be the most loving, caring woman he would ever meet. We want to be wanted for ourselves, not for what we can do.

Do you ask to Wow the little lady this weekend I wonder? Just wondering or was that last weekend? HHmmm......

I think most women definitely want respect and to be with someone they feel safe with and with that comes trust. Someone who cares about what we feel, what we think and actually listens.

Also-I think most women our age want more action and less words. It's one thing to say that you love someone, it's quite another to actually demonstrate it.

lemaym1.wordpress.com/

I don't think it's just women, but everyone, that wants to feel loved, respected and valued by others and ourselves.
How we want that brought about is very different, person to person, but I think that's where I see the biggest differences between men and women. Knowing I don't like blanket generalities, and that they're over simplified even if they're true, I'm going to go out on a limb and list what I've seen.
I see myself and other women I know wanting validation of their value, worthiness if you will, from the important people in their lives: first parents, then best friends, boyfriends, lovers, husbands, children, and if they're lucky, grandchildren.
My male friends and family also needed that validation from their parents and friends, but I see a change after that. Although healthy men certainly care about and love their girlfriends, lovers, wives and children, their self worth isn't generated FROM them. Sometimes, especially young, men base their sense of worth on how hot their friends think their girlfriend is, not how much she values him. I know men who's ability to provide financially for their lovers, wives and family completes their sense of being a good and valuable person.
Not saying either is better, I see blessings and pathologies with both approaches.
Women can give up much of their power by looking to others for affirmation. It makes us much better at cooperative endeavors, but can leave us at the mercy of others if we don't find out how to validate ourselves as well.
I would be a stronger, wiser woman were I able to feel pride and accomplishment in the sheer fact that I helped provide shelter, food and education for my son, but I don't see it that way. I want him to want to spend time with me and just love me for who I am. I wanted my husband, or would want any potential boyfriend, to want to spend time with me, doing things or not, having fun or relaxing, working or lying beside me because he enjoys what he sees in me, my kind heart, my compassionate soul, my sick, goofy, stupid and sometimes wickedly funny sense of humor, my ability to care, even when it's easier not to. Although I'm really comfortable alone, I'm lonely and don't feel my contributions though my volunteer work make me a really good person. I know, rationally, I'm making a big difference to many people, and should take pride in that, but I don't FEEL like I'm important, or cool, or needed in this world.
Alternately, I've seen my male friends and family become much more competitive at work, at play, even at home, over the need to win, to be top dog. When your self worth is tied up by how much you make, what you have, what you own and control, you don't play well with others. Big drawback on the "become a better person" scale there. It also allows them to compartmentalize their lives; work is work and has nothing to do with home. That can turn into "what I do with her doesn't have anything to do with my wife and family... etc." all too easily. Certainly, many men don't go down that path, and the upsides of being able to develop your own self worth, or perhaps recognize your own self worth, for what you've done and accomplished are many. Having a healthy self esteem is something we all strive for.
I know most of us fall somewhere in between, balancing looking to others to fulfill what we want, while working to make ourselves the best people we can be, but it's hard. Especially after we've NOT been given what we want in so many painful ways. Not one of us started our adult lives saying "I want to end up in a really great divorce support group because I hurt so much I can't stand it by myself!" yet here we are; battered, beaten, scarred, scared and worn down. But, we're here...for ourselves, for others, for each other, doing what we can to get what we want, trying to learn to give what other's want....and sometimes realizing we can't get what we want, but maybe learn to get along with what we need. Queue the Stones here.....
Sorry for the rant. I want so much, know I can't have a lot of it, and have serious doubts about finding some of it. But I have what I need. Maybe that's got to be enough.

Hey MnMama if that was a rant I would like to hear more of the same. I have a problem with this question in this regard.

I like others were told for 32 years what I wanted to hear. Like mama says the compartmentalizing that a man does left me with my husband living a lie to my face. He in fact feels like that is OK to tell someone what they want to hear. So if in fact this question is just way to look GOOD to another woman then no woman on here needs to be used by men anymore. And they would not want to support that agenda either. Meaning what can I say to get the goods !!!!!

If in fact you truly want to know then others have answered this question. I am just not sure if this question was asked with a pure intention. If it was that please forgive my skepticism.

Bashing Wiseman IS NOT COOL!

Please either answer the questions or ignore them if you find you cannot find something helpful to say. DS is a support website and this is a support group. There are only a handful of men coming here at any given time. How about extending a little more grace?

It might be more acceptable such a question comes from an adolescent, but holy molly, I get the impression there is a severe lack of empathy and emotional disconnect for other people.... in particular towards the opposite sex. Just as you want good will for yourself, you must have Empathy and have deveolpe sensitivity for the other person. With all respect, you simply treat people well. I suggest you get yourself into Men's Mentor group to assist you with developing skills of relationships. They will do you justice.

I only have a few minutes this morning and popped in just to have a quick read...after reading this thread I just had to take a few minutes more and respond. I'm with Misred on this...bad form people..simply bad form!

I'm just going to answer it and not question the intention behind it!

To me being respected means someone listening to me - asking me questions, caring about the answers. Wondering what I have been doing, thinking about me when I am not with them, appreciating my looks, but much more too. Some one who is not mean or angry, someone who is funny and positive about life. Someone who has a heart and cares about the less fortunate, someone who has interests and friends of their own, and some degree of interest in being physically active. That's my list for now!

Some men think they know what the woman in their life wanted and they thought wrong. Wiseman has been on here long enough to be taken at face value. There is no need to be bashing anyone on here. We are all on this journey together. He asked an honest question and I will try to answer from my perspective.

Its no secret what women want. That is pretty much what some men want. Respect, true love, someone who can be an equal partner in a marriage. No hidden agenda and no game playing. Someone who will be there for the good times, the bad times and plan to be married til death do us part. Someone whose actions and words match.

I see nothing at all harmful or malicious in asking this question. And, this is a support forum. We are here to help each other and learn from each other.

I want unconditional love, to be cherished, and respected. I want loyalty, honesty, and connection. In return, I'm willing to give all that and more to the right person. I think this is what we all want. I think it's how we are hard-wired. Yet, it's so rare to find this in another person. I find that terribly sad. But, I do believe it's possible, and I'm willing to wait for it.

I do think that the better question to ask oneself is, "what do I want?" "What makes me happy?" And then, pursue those things. In the process, I think you're more likely to find that right person who would be a good partner.

angelunderc....
what is up your box?

really what puts up on such a high horse, the man is asking a genuine question
perhaps he was blindsided by his wifes affair and does not have and bearings as maybe just maybe he considered her to be one of the few true things in the world
and if so he is just trying to confirm his compass
as am i
so lighten up

typos...when you've been betrayed, played, manipulated, and mind fucked by a spouse you trust
it can, well it can lead to typos , sorry mine in the post above

Refurb - same person as few days ago. Seems you are the target again.