Write it, then destroy it. You only will damage yourself for following through. Neither he nor she are worth it. Eventually, he will leave her too. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't lower yourself.

I believe that with all my heart. Once a cheater, always a cheater. One time my ex had broken up with one of his many fiancée. He said she was cheating and he sId, "A cheater knows a cheater." I had to laugh and think that is probably true. Cheaters have a whole different mindset.

The only letter you should write is one to yourself saying what a priceless gift he gave you. Your freedom when he walked out. I know that you do not see it now, but you will. I did and am very happy even when I am tight with money

I understand the urge to get things out. To stand up and set the record straight maybe? They don't care. So they aren't worth it.

I called a woman he worked with and told her I thought he liked her, she insulently asked me why would a happily married man be looking at her. So I know he have her the reasons she needed to be involved with her. She wasn't interested that he had recently been caught cheating with a married woman, he was so contrite he arranged for marriage counseling whole he was dating her. The OW wants a reason and they give them one.

These days people don't care if you are married. Dating sites allow married people to sign up. In the Air Force I worked with officers that say when they are not physically with their wives that they are separated, meaning available.

We care. You can call if you want to, just don't expect them to care. They will likely use it against you. But who cares what they think or say.

All this coming up because of the recent contact. That is hard for me too. Take care of yourself, Les and less contact over time helps. Every contact will hurt then you get up dust of and go back to living. The betrayal and kids make this harder, you can do it.

The gals here have given very good advice. It will do nothing except upset YOU more. It no longer matters what either of them do. As hard as it is, focus on yourself and your daughter's recovery. They are two unethical people with no morals or good character. You don't need them.

How's your daughter doing by the way?

Lots of helpful comments, and most are in agreement that 'airing and sharing' your feelings will get you...nowhere. That said, I just want to add that it's completely natural that you have the inclination to WANT to do it. You likely wouldn't have though. Common sense dictates what others here have said...it just doesn't change a thing.

Ditto to what KRK said in the last post...they are 'two unethicial people with no morals or good character'. They know what they are. Believe me sister, they know! They don't need to be told...it would just give them fodder to think that YOU are the nut job, kooky 'spurned' ex who deserved what she got and encourage a twisted alternate reality idea that what they did is 'okay'. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

As Dairy said, no contact is the way to go....and I might add, the BEST revenge. With no contact, NOBODY knows what you're thinking or feeling because.... you ain't sharing it! Plus it just plain helps you to start sorting out your feelings.

It's good you posted this. For myself, whenever I was struggling with something like this, even if I kind of knew the answer, it sure helped to 'be told'! Hugs

I didn't do it! The words swirled around my head for at least 3 days! Kept going over and over it. But really what would I say. And you are all right...there is nothing to be said. He believes he did nothing wrong we were separated and he wanted out to move on with his life. He's in denial to think she wasn't his motivating factor. Still claims it was me and how unhappily married we were. He has to live with that. I kept thinking Oh well I don't care if I just come out and tell her what I think. It'll upset him but so what. But it wouldn't change anything except like you all said justify himself. And yes, being with him for 3 days definately made me slip backwards. He was charming and attractive. I wanted it to be like it used to. But then I would catch myself looking at him and think of him kissing her on New Years Eve this past holiday and the one before when we were separated and they were together. Of which he denies. He has himself believing that she helped him through this awful divorce that I was such a bitch. Yet still can't see the hurt and devestation of our families (well at least mine, his is all happy he is happy with his new life and if he has a new girlfriend good for him - hid her from them too). Blame is no longer an issue. For him its guilt and shame. Because I'm ok and will do fine with my daughter and son. They are here for me and know exactly what and how it played out. I have no regrets except a few choice words that I should have kept to myself. But I will hold my head up high. I'm ok. It will be okay. I am here for my daughter and have and will always be the one to carry the load. He has to live with his decision. I have been set free and been given a new life like my daughter. He can not say that. And yes I want nothing more than for him to swim in his cest pool of guilt and shame...drown M-er F-er!!! haha
My daughter is doing great!! had some hand sentation/function this past weekend that she hasn't experienced before. We are going at aggresive therapies gung ho! Project Walk gym 3-4 days 3 hrs a day, swimming 2 days 2 hours; accupuncture 1 day; deep muscle massage and electrical stimulation at least 3 days 1 hrs; occupational neurological hand therapy 1 day; and anything else we can. The doctor said now is the time to get the stem cells activated and in position to heal what's broken. So we need to use muscle memory and stimulation to tell the cells what they need to do. Every day is new and exciting to see what's in store. All this he misses! Maybe a 10 minute phone call of I love you miss you anything new. But he's so busy with work and his new life and arrangements with his girlfriend that he barely fits time in for his daughter and son. He is the loser! He says he plans on coming to visit in Feburary you know one of his come in on Friday leave on Sunday. He misses her so much! Yet I still have to get her ready and he just waltzes in and wisk her away. Of course she doesn't say anything. She loves him and wants nothing more than to please him. Sometimes I wish she would just tell him off. He spends 9 days with his girlfriend for the Holidays yet only spent 5 days all year with her. Actually I feel bad for her that he does this, BUT I don't care if he ever sees her. Makes my life easier when he isn't around me intruding in my space. I do fine without him. I'd rather him just make a few phone calls or text. Horrible on my part I know. I do encourage them to get together he does love and care about her. Just not financially or emotionally. He thinks the money he gives me in spousal support is for me and our kids. Whatever let him think that. Maybe when we go to renegotiate I'll get more from his guilt. Ok enought ranting. I will let you all know of any more breakthroughs with my daughter Ellen. She is taking 2 courses at college on line this semester as if we don't have enough to fit in. I'm excited to think what her and my life is going to be like after she heals and becomes independent again!! God is amazing and we are truly blessed!

I am glad you did not do it.. hold that thought and continue to resist any temptation to contact her.

I know that for most of us it is hard to believe, but there people who walk away from not a marriage, but their children too. Illness and God forbid, the death of child, the statistics are high for people divorcing who have lost a child, or face a life threatening or chronic illness of one also. Look at it this way, he did come for the operation, and although your daughter will have to define her relationship with her dad, and you can not let how you feel about him, influence her. She has a right to love her dad, even if you don't! You don't want her to have to choose you or him. He does work full time, and believe me, there are plenty of people who do not pay or fall behind, or never ever see their kids again. He lives some distance now that you moved, and that is a double edge, he can't come often. Good in some ways, bad in others. You do not want that for your daughter for him to not be in her life. You do care if he is in her life, because you are so passionate about what you wrote. I think in your heart he does care.

You have to get him out of your head, stop thinking about him and the OW and work on some time for you, and and yourself. I know how hard this is. I know how unselfish you are in this, but make sure you take care of you too. You can't take care of anyone else, if you do not take care of your mental and physical well being...and your daughter needs you. You wrote "you are excited about what your daughters life is going to be like after she heals and becomes independent again" That applies to you too, and after anyone heals in divorce and becomes if they were not before, now independent is what it is about. That is the successful post divorce where you do move on! You will have to go on and be an I, and so does your daughter. That will be exciting? Make some plans for your future too! You deserve it! HUGS