I know I found this site last year about this time. It has been very helpful and someone is always there for you when you feel like you just can't make it another day. I'm a year into this and still nothing is settled but my stbx thinks if he drags it on long enough I will change my mind. Just remember we are here for you at anly time and lots of great answer or suggestions to all the questions your are going to be having the next couple of months. Sorry your here but it is a great place to be at this time in your life. HUG

Somehow this same discussion posted twice...so I am copying my response to this one, as well.

Honey, don't feel alone because you are not. All of us here have been where you are right this minute and we have all gotten past it. So talk to us, vent, ask questions, bounce ideas...and if you believe, PRAY. God doesn't close a door without opening a window! Hugs to you. ..

Thank you for your responses. I have friends and family offering to talk, if I need it, but I don't even know what to say. I had one friend offer to drive from two states away. I am truly blessed by the kindness of friends and family. And I'm so thankful for the folks here who are always kind and supportive. I know I will need that support over the coming months. . .

(((hugs)))

Lots of hugs and prayers your way Lily61! We're here for you always.

Lots of hugs and prayers your way Lily61! We're here for you always.

You are in the right place for advice and support.
I could not have made it through the divorce process without my friends on DS.
You are definitely NOT alone.
Even though our stories are all different, we will be here to help you every step of the way.
((hugs))

Lily - you will always find support here. I am an attorney in California but some of the ground rules are the same in other states. If I can help, just post because I do check in here. Or just pm me; I do respond and will tell you what I do and don't know.

Lynne

(((HUGS))) There is life after divorce. I have discovered mine to be a pretty good one at that. I hope it will the the same for you.

Sending you hugs--I know this has to be a sad moment for you. I'm so glad you are going to see an attorney and a therapist--best two phone calls I ever made during my divorce nightmare.

It's great that you have a strong support system--believe me, that is a BIG HELP. When I saw all the people rallying around me during my divorce, I just felt so blessed. These people would drop everything to come see me, listen to me vent, or just be a shoulder to cry on. Don't be afraid to lean on these folks occasionally.

And always, keep talking to us here. We understand better than anyone what you're going through. We will walk the journey with you.

Sending loads of hugs!!!

I am also glad that you are going to see an attorney and a therapist.I know my therapist has been a lifesaver for me.

A big support system is always a plus.My friends and family have rallied around me as well. It has made a big difference to me.

The people on this particular site are the best.They really do know what is going on.

Hang in there!

:) Maggie

Your acknowledgement takes on great courage and maturity. I can remember a time when I had resisted, but so much of my ex's betrayal had brought me to the end of my rope. I had to let GO and guts to say to the ex, "You must Go ....[to the curb] !" In a sense, it was my "sacrificial" offering, giving up what I thought was "love". In hindsight, it was my expression of knowing who I am [valuable]. ...and indeed, you too have quietly acknowledged yours.

Putting a cap on fear: is staying on the course of idea that God has something "better" for you is the goal. Focus your attention to those of us that achieved new and improved lives are God's angels, they show you the way to the LIGHT. Go and pursue. These folks got your back!!!

I know the fears you have and not wanting to be alone. Think of the last several years and how hard they have been.
In the last six years I took my now ex back seven times. I think it was mostly because of those fears, and I didn't want to be alone. I look back now at 62 y/o and think why did I let him come back so many times only to be left and hurt over and over again. The last time, July 2010, I was strong enough to say no. My divorce was final 12/1/2010. I struggle with all the emotions that go with divorce. He now lives with OW who he was seeing, so he says on and off again, for those six years. I feel as though I have wasted so many years of my life.
I'm glad that you have also decided to proceed with the divorce after staying in a marriage for all the wrong reasons. It won't be easy but you'll find the strength thru family, friends and everyone here on DS. So you won't be completely alone, everyone will support you and be there for you.
I'm sending you (((Hugs))), understanding, prayers, peaceful thoughts and friendship.

Thank you all so much.

For me...the uncertainty of what my future would look like was the most overwhelming part. Before I bought my house I had to live with my ex for 2.5 months after the actual divorce...that was so difficult. I was scared. Although I had the means to make it on my own I still doubted my abilities. I still had the belief that I could not make it without a man to look after me...which was really stupid because I had been working full time and being the main supporter for our family all along. I think it was that old school programing that came along with the times that I grew up with. This belief coupled with the fact that I was still ill caused me to have great fears for my future. At times that fear was debilitating.

Now that I am 16 months into my recovery...I look back and hardly recognize that 54 year old scared little girl that I used to be. Somehow I have turned into this confident focused 54 year old grown women...go figure. I look back over this last 11/2 years and see how far I've come. In the beginning I would not have believed I could have accomplished what I have. I am working on the 3rd stage of my white picket fence...I dug 17 fence post holes...installed and levelled each post and made and poured cement into each hole to solid up the posts. Yes I did have help...but hey...I'm doing it! I'm feeling pretty happy with myself.

The point I'm tying to make is...your about to take that step...that leap of fate. Its scary and yes its lonely at times. When I felt that loneness I had to remind myself how lonely I felt in the marriage...the two didnt compare. Trusting yourself, the process and that there is something better out there for you is helpful in moving forward. The people here are wonderful in helping keeping the focus on just yourself. I truly believe they played a huge roll in where I am today. There were days where I blindly trusted there advise and it always worked out.

Lily61...as corny as this sounds...your real life is just about to begin. Hang in there...your going to be okay. Just know in your heart...better days are coming. Like a lot of us here...you will live again...you will laugh again and you will love again. Big Hugs...Kathy