You actually thought he was going to say "I'm sorry". My dear, back yourself up and give yourself a good kick. Stop hoping and wishing he is something to which he is NOT...charismatic. My quest is out of love not to make you feel good with sugar coated words but to help you out of illusions. Imposing expectations onto him and in your mind based on an OLD image he once portrayed ...is gone with the wind and at best, is artificial and set-up for pain. After betrayal, some women choose not to deal with their stbx on minor levels....too much emotional drama. If any communication needs to take place, it's saved for the big issues regarding child care/ money issues. If you really want his drama game to stop, then don't play into it. You're earning your badge of courage. Sorry for your lost.

Well Tobywinn had some tough words for you, but realistically, I have to agree in that you - through your daughter telling him of the loss - are looking for validation from him. He left YOU his wife and he left his kids who NEED him....do you really think that he is going to be emotionally available and caring about the family dog? He could care less!

He left his old life and that includes everything in it. Like Trisha said, he lost the privilege of being on the inside of 'his' family's life when he RAN away. Keep that in mind before anyone contacts him again Lisa! I suggest that you begin to practice no contact with him. He has shown that he has no sense of morality or obligation. So don't go looking for what you already know is not there. Harsh words, I know,and I'm sorry for that hon! I just don't want to see you set yourself up for more disappointment with this man. He has hurt you and you are angry and bitter. And rightfully so. But you simply must let go of any delusions that he will start to do the right thing.

Men who leave the way yours (and mine) did need to validate their actions..and how do they do this? By vilifying YOU - his wife. He has convinced himself that you are the 'bad guy' in this drama. Believe this - I promise you that it is true. Do some reading on the subject of men who abandon their wives/families. I suggest: Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark as a start.

You are doing great! Don't worry about setbacks, just keep moving forward and taking care of YOU and yours! So sorry about your beloved pet - you did the best you could for him by finding him a loving home in his final years. He was content and loved. YOU are loved too - by those who really care about you! Best,

LisaMariB - Lesson learned. Not sure why you tried to contact him to begin with, but eh - we all make mistakes. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your dog. I know how much they mean. As for your X - someday it's going to happen to him and there will be noone to care. Sad, but most probable.

(Hugs)

LisaNariB,
I just want to wish you the best .
I know how hard that it is to go through the Holiday's .
This is my 6th Christmas since my wife ran off after 38 years of marriage .
Every holiday it got easier for me or maybe I excepted it more every year.
Not that those feelings ever go away for me completely. I believe (For me) that
Old thoughts of day's gone bye ... my old life will always pop up here and there ... I realize that I’m human and it’s ok to feel bad here and there …. It’s ok to cry a little… AFTER ALL .. God made us that way !
I got remarried 1 1/2 years ago and that's my new life .. I’m trying my best to go on with my life. Thanks God that I met a great wonderful person .
Do your best !!!!! God Bless.
Timeman

I also did what you just did about the dog. For me...it was a desperate attempt to reach him. It was done in hope that I would get some recognition of the man he used to be. The man that used to weep in sorrow after a life event like that. I reached out to him more than once thinking that this will be the event where the man I loved so dearly would rise to the surface and be the man I knew hew could be and was at one time.

Although the life circumstances for my reaching out was different...the end result was the same as what you encountered. Cold hard indifference coupled with blame. His responses left me feeling bewildered and somewhat lost. I would question the years we spent together. Was he always like this? Did I just not see it? What's wrong with me? How could I have loved someone so much that behaved this way? What did I do to warrant this treatment? The questions went on and on with no answers. After reaching out to him I was always left feeling like a lump of shit. Worthless and my aloneness was deafening.

Like me...you have to get to the point where you recognize the marriage and relationship is simply over. Our ex's are done with that old life with us. There is nothing left to salvage...even simple human kindness and empathy is gone. We...in there minds...are the enemy. The emotional bond we feel for them...no longer exists from them to us. Our lives together is simply a bad dream that he has woken up from.

There are many really good books out there on this subject...all take you down different roads but end up in the same place. He has to re-write history in order to justify his choices. In order for him to carry out his choices he has to make you appear to be the bad guy. In order for him to escape guilt...he needs to find blame. Its a game you can not win. Its a game where the rules change to suit his needs. The only way you can win...is by default. If you dont play...there is no game to play.

Actually...your contacting him about the dog was a really good thing...if nothing else...it should drive home the point that it is no longer in your best interests to have contact with this man. He is a shell of his former self. Let this last contact be your last. You are doing so well and if you are anything like me...contact causes backslides. Pick yourself up...dust yourself off and move forward again. You can do this...you are stronger than you think..Big Hugs...Kathy

First let me say I am sorry for the loss of your dog. I know the pain that brings to an entire family. As for your ex, I have walked in your shoes many times only to be hurt as well. It has taken me a few years to enjoy the holidays again, but I can honestly say that the kids and I have started new traditions. Thanks to my ex putting our stuff in storage and not paying for it, we have new ornaments and Christmas decorations. The physical past was erased when the things were sold in auction. I was hurt at the beginning, but now thankful that I can create the holidays the way I want to for the kids. Hang tight. You are doing great and are strong. Sending hugs!

I understand how you feel, LisaMarie. I am going through similar pain right now. The holidays make it worse, and I cannot wait until January. Hugs to you.