Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I'm having a rough time of it again. Not about him or the divorce. Way over him, still not over what he's done, but he will never be a part of my life again, this much I know for fact. But the financial mess I'm in is affecting my life and my kids life so much. The three of us are arguing about money or should I say lack of.
I'm caught between a rock and a hard place and no where to turn. I can't just go get another place because my credit is ruined and I will never have first and last month's rent plus security deposit. I need to accomodate all 3 of us and anything I've looked at is unacceptable yet I'm drowning in debt here.
I am so angry right now at him. So angry that we live on Pb&j while he eats homecooked meals nightly at his moms or his girlfriends. So angry that my son's shoes are falling apart and my X is walking around in brand new Reebok's. So angry that I'm angry.
My son tried calling him 4 times today. 4 times. No answer, no call back no response what so ever. This kills me. Of course my son just wants to rip him a new one but my X doesn't know this. How can he call himself a father. How can he sleep at night knowing what he's done to them, to all of us. How can he and his family even have one moment of joy in their day knowing that his kids and their grandchildren are suffering this way.
I try to stay upbeat. I try to move forward daily. I'm giving it all I've got to pull it all together and I'm afraid that I can't stop the walls from falling in on me and my kids. I'm falling apart here.
I thought I was way over this hump of hurt and pain. It comes and goes, the ups and downs. I like the ups much better. Crying more the past week than I have the past 5 months.
I don't deserve this. I was a good wife and mother. 24 years I put them first. Our kids don't deserve this kind of life.
I'm working at least 57 hours a week and I still don't have enough toliet paper in the bathrooms, no kitty litter, no laundry soap never mind that the fridge is empty. At least once a day I get a text from one of my kids saying they are hungry and there's nothing to eat. I'm doing the best I can and it's truly not enough. They both understand, but still they turn to me for what they need, afterall I am the only caretaker in this house. I am their main support but I can't do it on my own.
I apologize for rambling here. I just needed to get this out. I know this is only temporary, heck I've said it enough to everyone else to know that it's true. This too shall pass....I just wish it was already over.
I'm caught between a rock and a hard place and no where to turn. I can't just go get another place because my credit is ruined and I will never have first and last month's rent plus security deposit. I need to accomodate all 3 of us and anything I've looked at is unacceptable yet I'm drowning in debt here.
I am so angry right now at him. So angry that we live on Pb&j while he eats homecooked meals nightly at his moms or his girlfriends. So angry that my son's shoes are falling apart and my X is walking around in brand new Reebok's. So angry that I'm angry.
My son tried calling him 4 times today. 4 times. No answer, no call back no response what so ever. This kills me. Of course my son just wants to rip him a new one but my X doesn't know this. How can he call himself a father. How can he sleep at night knowing what he's done to them, to all of us. How can he and his family even have one moment of joy in their day knowing that his kids and their grandchildren are suffering this way.
I try to stay upbeat. I try to move forward daily. I'm giving it all I've got to pull it all together and I'm afraid that I can't stop the walls from falling in on me and my kids. I'm falling apart here.
I thought I was way over this hump of hurt and pain. It comes and goes, the ups and downs. I like the ups much better. Crying more the past week than I have the past 5 months.
I don't deserve this. I was a good wife and mother. 24 years I put them first. Our kids don't deserve this kind of life.
I'm working at least 57 hours a week and I still don't have enough toliet paper in the bathrooms, no kitty litter, no laundry soap never mind that the fridge is empty. At least once a day I get a text from one of my kids saying they are hungry and there's nothing to eat. I'm doing the best I can and it's truly not enough. They both understand, but still they turn to me for what they need, afterall I am the only caretaker in this house. I am their main support but I can't do it on my own.
I apologize for rambling here. I just needed to get this out. I know this is only temporary, heck I've said it enough to everyone else to know that it's true. This too shall pass....I just wish it was already over.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
Love and hugs!
I'm really sorry. Hugs my friend.
Also watch it with the kitty litter. When funds were lower I changed to a cheaper brand and kitty didn't like it. He turned one of the rooms upstair into his own personal kitty litter. House still smells bad. I though he had a bladder infection and took him to the doctors and had to pay for that bill to tell me to change back to his old litter.
I applied for food stamps,too. I,too, never thought I would be in this position. Me and my children did not deserve this. Like so many of us here that have just been left to basically fend for our families ourselves. I don't know either how my X gets up every morning leaving us in the state he did. All X cares about is when he can crack open a beer.
X has his girlfriends money coming in so he's covered. X isn't going to food banks. I understand this anger, I want to let go but, it is really hard when you are struggling everyday like this.
Hang in there Chrissy, try your Church. It's a start.
Hugs, Ellen
I can not remember how old your kids are, but if they are young adults they have to chip in and work, something, even at a fast food place, a discount retailer, something. I work at the largest retailer in the world, you know the one, though I am vendor and there almost every day. People are not making a living wage. Some are like me, displaced a bit, a lot in my age range, some are retired and had to add to their income, and the next are young people, living at home, paying something, but can not earn enough to live independently. Everyone has a few hours shaved off every week, 40 becomes 37, 32 hours become 29, it is pitiful. I am ashamed to say how much food is tossed everyday at all these places, and they do contribute.. and even me, I have to toss anything I have left over too..
I worked with a rep this holiday weekend at another store other than my base, she was supporting her deadbeat husband ( I did not say a thing) 3 kids and said she made 20 dollars a month too much to qualify for food stamps. She said do you believe this is a sin all this food we toss.. I said yes. I told her to email me, I would try and work her numbers to see if she can cut 2 or 3 hours of pay to qualify.
I have also posted this before, but probably a year ago. Google Share food program in your area. This is a food buying club. ANYONE can use it. It was started in the 70's, you sign up and get like 100 dollars worth of food for I think right now, 32 or so dollars. You pick off a grocery list, each month ahead, your order is packed and then you pick up at a location, sometimes a food pantry or a school. I recommend this to anyone, they have single plan and you can buy as much as you want. Fresh food, and name brand products.. In April it was a holdiay dinner too.. There but by the Grace of God go I.. Hugs to all
Take a break from the "overwhelming" and do something kind for yourself. You'll get your strength back. There is no where to go, but up. You're so loved here. Lot's of prayers and well wishes are with you.
I hate to wish away the days but I sure wish this was all behind me and I was secure and happy once again. I know that day is coming and in the mean time I will go back to my church pantry and get some staples and food supplies.
Thank you for always picking me back up and being there. You are wonderful, caring people and I am grateful to have your support.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It's so puzzling that spouses can just walk away and not care how or if the children are doing ok with basic necessities (not to mention emotional support). I'll never understand.
There is a wonderful program open to anyone called Share. It's a community nonprofit food share program and is wonderful. Quality and prices reasonable and everyone no matter what income can participate. 2 hours of volunteer work (which I do anyone) are all that are required each month -- to participate. If you help a neighbor, help out at your church, or even help bag the items at the foodbank -- anything counts.
The program is available in many states and areas across the US. I became aware of it this year. I too work full time plus and take care currently of all expenses for my children (ah the joys of self-imposed unemployment of my spouse!)
Some general info about the nonprofit program can be found at : http://www.sharecolorado.com/index.cfm?action=history_of_share
http://www.sharefoodprogram.org/article2.htm
Food packages differ in different regions of the country. The prices are reasonable -- savings helpful -- and quality good. I typed in SHARE and my state and got hooked up pretty immediately.
Some examples of regional programs are:
Wisconsin: http://www.sharewi.org/Order/
http://www.sharedc.org/about.htm
http://www.shareflorida.org/
http://www.sharecolorado.com/
http://www.shareiowa.com/
http://sharefood.us/
http://sharefoodprogram.org/
Sample Types of Food Available in one region: http://sharefoodprogram.org/menu-frame.htm
Hugs.