Kamary, I get you, we built this house too, I love it but can't and don't want to care for it anymore. My sons want it, I just want a new life, but to them this is home. So torn, I sleep in the same room and bed as him. I want a new look and feel, but like I said my Sons want this place.

Kamary, I get you, we built this house too, I love it but can't and don't want to care for it anymore. My sons want it, I just want a new life, but to them this is home. So torn, I sleep in the same room and bed as him. I want a new look and feel, but like I said my Sons want this place.

I see you got the same treatment I did in Icookie's post, Jaycpea. LOL.

I just made an offer on a house in the town where I work. One thing I did was not act too quickly after my divorce until I knew how my finances were going to turn out. So glad I waited. I ended up with divorce debt that would have made owning a home difficult. I would have been able to make the payment, but there wouldn't have been much left over. I'm glad I waited.

I think the advice of seeing a financial advisor is a good one. Also, consider yourself--are you handy with tools? Do you enjoy that type of work? If you don't, can you afford repair people? The house I made my offer on is all brick--I chose this for a reason--I wanted minimal upkeep. I will have a yard but it is flat and relatively small, so mowing will be easy for me to handle.

Sending hugs! Get lots of advice so you can make an informed decision. I was always astonished in the early days of my separation and divorce of how many people just advised me to pack up and sell out and go buy a great big house--they didn't have a clue!

I kept the house and right now I don't regret it. I wanted a stable environment to continue for my girls. That may change in a few years, but for me to rent a 3 bedroom somewhere would be almost as much as the mortgage. Upkeep is work, but hell it gives me something to do.

This spring I plan on doing some exterior painting an I'll try to hire a friend to do some wood repairs, but otherwise it's got new roof, new furnace, new windows....it's all good.

I don't know what the future hold, but whatever comes I'll deal with it then. Do what your comfortable with. Sounds like you want out and somewhere new. Whatever choice you make, I know you'll be happy with it.

I hear your concerns, I had some of the same concerns. I sold the big expensive trophy house. I put it on the market as soon as I could and it sold in 5 weeks. I had priced it aggressively and staged it as I was instructed to do. We moved to a place that is much smaller. It is very comfortable and has no ghosts for me. It turned out to be a good way to start again to rebuild my life.

I have the farm for now. I started this farm from nothing but a pine forest. The ex thought he would make a lot of money from it and he would have if the economy hadn't gone bad. So we worked out an agreement for me to stay here and put it up for sale this Oct.

Boarding around here for 1 horse is $500.00 a month for a stall. A small paddock is almost as bad. I had three horses. I was determined to stay here for my old horse. Now that he has passed on I will consider another place. I own 6 acres of this farm in my name alone and could move over on to that. But I'm thinking of buying something else almost as big as what I have now.

I can't come up with the money to buy the ex out. There is very little of the ex on this farm. He was overseas while I was doing this by myself. I had my hands on everything that was done. I planted all the azaleas, the leyland cypress. Laid out the pastures and sheds. The few things he did do I have had to fix. The upkeep on this farm is high and I spend most of my summers on a tractor mowing. Yes, sometimes it's almost too much for me to handle.

You have some valid reasons for selling your house. I won't call it a home because right now that is not what it is for you.Think of it as just a house and the right decision will come to you.

I've mentioned this before. In the midst of the divorce, when I wasn't sure I would have this farm I found a pillow in a small shop in town. It says "Home is where you make it". I have that pillow where I can see it as I come and go in my home. It reminds me that a house is just that but a home is what you make of it.

I just had to make this decision myself. Not so easy to do but I tried to be realistic. My stbx & I designed & built our home also. Funny because when we were finished I remember saying the only decision I wasn't happy with in the process was the color we chose for the kids bathroom (funny think he actually picked it). I was proud that it had turned out as we wanted as 1 poor color choice is nothing. Anyway, decided the house is actually too big for the 4 of us, take him out and it is bigger yet, plus my daughter goes to college in a year & a half, at that point the house would be ridiculously big for 2 people. I also decided I did not want to be a slave to a house. I want to be able to enjoy my weekends with my children and create a new life for myself, the upkeep on the house would make that quite difficult. I also know trying to by him out just might be too much of a financial burden and I certainly would not be able to hire people for yard work, etc. I tried to estimate what we might get out of the house assuming it sells at a reasonable price, and looked at what I might be able to purchase on my own. Granted timing will play a lot into this, and as said before rents aren't far off from what I am paying on this house, I am just hoping it sells quick, for a fair price, so I can take advantage of buying something more reasonable for my kids & I. I am also excited about the opportunity to start fresh. Good luck in your decisions. Try to weigh all angles, financial & emotional, and what you want for your life after. While I never thought I would say sell, the work of upkeep for me outweighed other things, while I would have liked to keep the house for another yr for the kids, stbx wasn't willing or able to do that, & i just don't see much of a value increase in 1 yr that would justify the struggle. Good luck with your decision..

Many good points made on this thread. I think that market conditions present and future projected are key to your decision. Consult a good realty professional, as well as a financial advisor is you can afford one, or at least someone with a good head for business whom you trust. If the house really suits you and the needs of your disabled child, it might be best to stay put, especially if you can make a case for your stbx to pay for current and possibly future upgrades to the house necessitated by the accomodations required for your child.

Ms Terey itemized some great ideas to consider if you do stay relative to replace/repairing the house.

You have a lot to think about. Make a list and just get started and it will fall into place for you. Best of luck!

HealingT - I struggled for months trying to decide if I wanted to keep or sell the house. My stbx surely didn't want it because he flew the coop several years ago, but if I wanted to keep it I would have to buy him out or take less of some of our other assets in the property settlement. I didn't want to sell it, but I also didn't want to be saddled with the sole responsibility of mortgage payments, maintenance costs, and potential major repairs in the future. I wasn't willing to keep it and give up other assets. Both of the kids are grown and live away, so there wasn't a pressing need to keep it. It is now on the market. Who knows how long it will take to sell. I still have mixed feelings. I will be very sad to leave this house when the times comes, but from a financial standpoint, I think it was the right decision for me. Nothing about divorce is easy. As others have already said, it is a personal decision based on many factors. Consider the pros and cons, and then do what you think is the right thing. Good luck!