Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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lostwh 09/04/2015

I'm leaving tomorrow morning to go see my sister. I am excited to get to see her but very nervous at the same time. I know this could be the last time I might see her before she gets too sick to get around. She has been doing chemo and just started radiation for the cancer. I'm going to try to forget about the cancer while I'm there and just enjoy my time with her.

There will be alot of family going also this weekend because we are going to celebrate her birthday. So, I know I will get alot of questions about the divorce and the usual questions as to why I'm not dating. I know people just want to see me move on and to be happy, and most don't have a clue what it's like to have your world turned upside down after 23 years. I'll just be polite and do alot of changing the subject. It just seems like until you are in a relationship again people don't see you as happy. I just wish I could get people to understand that after 23 years with an unstable cheating wife that did nothing but put me down, I'm happier than I've been in along time.

CowgirlKathi 09/04/2015

Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you both.
xoxo

trisha9054 09/04/2015

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. Yes, you deflect the questions about your divorce. A simple this is not the place or time to discuss this would be good if someone gets too nosey or well meaning. I'm sure it will be nice to see all the family even though its a Birthday celebration there will be some sadness too.

I understand about being happier divorced. I was lonely and so unhappy by the end of my marriage. I'm happy now.

startingover2011 09/04/2015

I, too, am sorry about your sister, but do enjoy your time with her. There is nothing more important than family.

yougospam 09/04/2015

I'm so sorry about your sister. Just try and concentrate on her and avoid divorce topics as much as possible. I hope family, although supportive of you, will respect your sister time. People who haven't been through divorce have no clue how emotional and draining it can be, no matter the circumstances.

Hugs and prayers for you and your sweet, precious sister.

dairytech 09/04/2015

Hugs lost...my thoughts will be with you...enjoy your time...Big Hugs...Kathy

MNMama 09/04/2015

Continued prayers for your sister and you. Hope you both have a wonderful visit. Having helped provide hospice for a dear friend until she passed, I came to realize the blessings of being more mindful during our visits.
Paying attention to the now, really being present and soaking in the look in her eyes, the sound of her voice, really hearing the stories, the laughter, can be some of your best times. Enjoy.

sciteacher 09/04/2015

Have a good visit. Maybe people won't bother you with all the questions and you can just spend some good quality time with your sister. Take care.
Hugs,
Donna

hurtinandhealin2560 09/04/2015

Prayers for your sister. I hope you have a good visit.

missd12932 09/04/2015

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. Lot's of HUGS

jljlost 09/04/2015

The divorce is in your past and you would rather live for today.....for your sister.
It's not a good time to mix your feelings about your divorce with your memories of your sister. Like you said, you are happier then you have been in a long time. Why fix something that is not broken. You are where you need to be right now.
I am so sorry to hear about your sister. Celebrate your sister's life with your family.
Take care

kamary 09/04/2015

I'm sorry to hear about your sister's illness. I have a sister with bowel cancer, and I do what you intend to do. We always have a great time and make each other laugh a lot when we get together. There may come a time for sharing more deeply but that will be when it's just you and her.

I've found that people don't tend to ask about the divorce. They might ask me how I'm going, and I think those people are the ones who really care (you can tell), so I tell them honestly that I'm doing fine and change the subject.

Enjoy the time you have. It might be longer than you think.

love and hugs
kamary

lostwh 09/04/2015

Thanks everybody, I'm hoping for a nice visit and lots of memories made. I know that when people ask questions about the divorce or how I'm doing, they mean well, but sometimes it would just be nice to be thought of as single instead of divorced.

kamary 09/05/2015

My family and friends seem to think of me as a single these days. It's been 7 years. Give them time, lostwh. Safe trip, mate.

love and hugs
kamary

KRKing911 09/05/2015

Have a great time - Enjoy yourself and your time with your sister.

Atpeacemary 09/09/2015

Hugs and prayers for you and your sister. If people ask, just say you are doing fine and walk away.

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