Welcome, sorry you are going through this. It is a shock. Take care of yourself as best you can. Eating well, sleeping when you can. Give yourself breaks but don't isolate. Get out with people. Support groups were a saving grace for me.

Find an attorney to give you advice to calm the questions in your mind. Friends and family are great but may not be objective, which is great when you need a cheerleader. A therapist will help you answer the questions that are rocking you to your soul right now. If you do that work you will grow and thrive. A separate therapist just for you is a must even if you do couples counseling.

Peace

Everyone thank you for the thoughts, prayers and information.
In the past 24hrs I've talked to my 3 kids numerous times about the entire situation including what I'm going through and tried to answer any questions I could. I'm going to wait till Monday to contact a lawyer for information on what I should do.
Luckily, I have an older brother whose been there for me and will help in any way I need.
I'm trying to keep my sanity. I would love to eat and sleep but I can't.

THIS SUCKS!!!

I supported my husband for l4 years, and that was enough. I left my husband and have no regrets. My life is much better now.

I wish you all the best!

Gocubbies,
I am so sorry you find yourself in the same place where we have been. This board can be a life-line for you. It was for me although I didn't find it until my divorce was final. Everyone here has walked in your shoes and we are here to tell you there is life after divorce and it actually is a good one! The advice here is priceless and we will be here for you, cheering you on, giving you that needed nudge when you need it.

OT (off-topic), I love your user name. My son is a huge Cubs fan and I am a huge baseball fan. I'm going to a game Friday in DC. Yes, life does get back to normal after divorce and it is a much better normal!!!

Prayers and hugs!
Diane

Hugs cubbie...I am 3 years post divorce for the 2nd time to the same man. I learned the hard way...when the trust is gone...its gone. I've been here now for a little over 3 years and the people here helped me through my darkest days. The advise is well rounded and from many points of view...I found that very helpful. Some of the jewels of wisdom I learned here carried me through and are useful to this day.

During my 1st divorce I wouldnt eat for days. I lost 40lbs in a very short time. I had to force myself to eat...banana's and yogurt...this went on for weeks. I went to my doc and got a sleeping aid...I only took 1/2 a pill once every 4 or 5 days just so I could catch up. I also got a script for anti depressants but never did get it filled. You got to do what you got to do to get through these tough times...especially if you have children at home. You cant let yourself get burned out.

It's great that your brother is there for you...you will find you will need him lots...you have us too. Hang in there cubbie...now is not forever...better days are coming...Big Hugs...Kathy

Today I'm feeling mad about my wife having the affair. House feels real empty without her. Having to take on more responsibilities at home with the kids then ever before as well as working 2 jobs today. Thank God my kids are old enough to take care of themselves. I keep telling myself to be strong for the kids but I feel unloved, real empty inside. So sad.....

WELCOME!

It's a sad, sad tale - if only it wasn't real. I was married for 32 years and would have never imagined being in this position nor have had any inkling of how gutted it makes you feel. I remember telling my friend/accountant when it first happened. All she said was to start making legal/financial moves before he knows what's hit him. the sooner the better. I will tell you that I was horrified with that. I was in mourning! I was hurting, I was shell-shocked. However, it was very, very good advice. Just remember, one day at a time. Lucy.

Cubbie:
I almost spit out my coffee when I read that your wife had the audacity to ask you if she could stay 4 more years until the kids graduate! WTF? I swear, these unfaithful spouses get brain damage as soon as they commit adultery! I would have told her "Sure, you can stay -- get a cardboard box and move out into the back yard for the next 4 years!"

My advice to you? Find a qualified counselor or licensed therapist to keep your emotions together. Then get a good attorney (with lots of experience in divorce cases) to safeguard your financial and legal rights. Lots of good attorneys give FREE initial consultations and once YOU have talked to them, your wife won't be able to due to conflict of interest ethics.

A good place to start educating yourself on your rights in this situation is www.divorcesource.com. Go there and look up Divorce Law by the state in which you reside. This will help you formulate important questions to ask when you consult with an attorney. WHY WAIT UNTIL MONDAY? Start calling TODAY.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

So sorry that you are here, but happy you found this place. Finding out about the affair is extremely difficult. I was married almost 25 years when I found out my STBX was having an affair. I too kicked him out. He tried at first to get me to take him back, but I wanted him to go to counseling, AA, and deal with issues he had first. I guess he was impatient, because I had found out in the three weeks after I kicked him out, he was stil in touch with her and winding up moving in with her. Needless to say, I filed for divorce and served him at her house. We are still in the process and it is long and painful.

There is nothing I can say to make you feel better. The pain is unbarable. But, I am one year into this, and I guess I can say, it does get better, but the pain and betrayal is till there.

Know that you have found a great place here for support and understanding. Hang in there as you travel this rocky road. It is a roller coaster of a ride, but everyone keeps saying, IT WILL GET BETTER. We just have to believe and have faith.

HUGS to you.

The betrayal is still there but I always think, "The betrayal does not define me. It defines him!" The cheater is the one with the lack of character. He/she doesn't think about anything or anyone but themselves. Be happy that you have character and a life you can be proud of!! I know it is all so unfair but you will come out on top in the end.

Wow, your wife has nerve to ask if she could stay another four years until the kids graduate. Wow! CGK is right--I think cheaters lose all common sense once they go down that cheating path.

I echo what the others are saying: do not delay in contacting an attorney and a good counselor. You need both to help you navigate through the emotional and financial toll of divorce. Do be aware that your wife has had more time to "detach" from you than you have from her. You have been blindsided and your emotions are perfectly normal. A counselor will help you sort out your feelings. The attorney will help protect you financially.

Because she has been thinking about this, as Shorty54 suggests, for some time, you need to keep an eye on the finances. Has she been keeping money from you, charging on credit cards, etc. Get to an attorney and get temporary orders established right away. This order determines who pays for what during the separation and pending divorce. Make sure you include in that order that any debt she incurs after you separated is HER debt. I made sure that was put in my orders. That way if she runs up a bunch of credit debt, you won't be liable for it.

Sending big hugs!! Stay strong and keep talking to us. We will walk the journey with you.

Awww, I'm so sorry that your going through this. It's just horrible. You have found a good place here. Lots of good people to help you. Welcome, the ride is a rough one, but at least the company is good.

I can only imaging how devasting this may feel. It will be difficult for you to go into business mode and move on what has to be done to protect yourself emotionally and financially. You may want to beleive your partner still loves you at times - just remember that she has been seeing someone else and not been aligned with you. This should give you strength when you feel like your life is literally falling apart. Be strong in those moments of despair - but you will feel the extreme hurt, sadness, anger and maybe even love. Please stay the course and be strong - I hear that it gets better and you will be yourself again, whatever that is. I am just at the beginning and looking to this site to help see me through.

Going to work was hard for me today because all I'm thinking about is her and the kids while crying off and on. I called one of my kids while I was coming home from work just to make sure everything at home is ok. When I got there both my boys were cleaning and feeding the dogs. That again made me cry because I know they care and are worried about me. When will the pain go away?

So sorry your in pain. Please listen and do what the others have said lawyer, accounts etc. They know what they are talking about and you cant concentrate or take care of yourself right now. Each day find 3 things to smile about, like the kids cleaned, fed dog, cared about you. People here do care.
HUGS