(((HUGS)))

My post divorce mantra is "Never say never." This is because things happened that I said would never happen. First, I never thought my EX husband would have cheated on me. As a couple we were often complemented on our marriage. The last anniversary, my then MIL gave us a card congratulating us because not many people make it that far. Unbeknownst to her we were already reeling from the discovery and attending marriage counseling. My EX often had little regard for cheaters, he and his brother showed up at the home of the man who was cheating on their sister, told him to leave town...and he did! Another "never" was busted when I filed for divorce.

Then I said, "I will never remarry" after several failed relationships post divorce. Lots of broken people out there and I was tried of the drama, plus single life had it's advantages...so I was content. However, I made one last attempt with a very nice man who had never married. I thought, "what the heck? If it doesn't work out, I'm going to stop trying." Another "never" was broken. This February we have been together 5 years, and this January celebrated 2 years married. When we got engaged, I told him he probably won't ever get 50 years out of me....perhaps that is another "never" that may get broken.....we can only wait and see.

Sad Little Milestone? Or maybe "I'm strong and did what i had to do milestone". Thank goodness you are here to celebrate that milestone no matter how sad it is. Many more milestones than the time to hit them all. Take it. Take every chance you get to be happy and look at all you have accomplished. I'm proud of you. Your milestone puts a smile on my face because I know you are surviving until you can thrive. XOXOXOX and thank you.

Misred...you give me hope for the future. I dont want to remarry and I dont want to be unhappy. So i'm taking every day as it comes and so happy i'm finding happiness in my single life (for now or forever...who knows). I'm happy to read your story. It is beautiful.

There's nothing wrong with feeling sad today. 25 years is a big milestone. Take the time to feel what you feel. Tomorrow is another day and you will probably feel much better then.
My husband and I made it to our 25th and I truly thought we were in a happy marriage. I had no earthly idea that just 3 months later I would discover his reconnection to a former girlfriend. Devastating for sure! It's been 8 years since then. Our anniversary date doesn't bother me much anymore but I do try to plan something special as a distraction on the day such as a massage, manicure/pedicure, dinner with a friend etc. What does bother me is hearing about other couples celebrating anniversary milestones such as 30 or 35 or even 50 year anniversary and know that it will never be me. That makes me sad because I valued our marriage and never thought we'd end up divorced.
Stay positive and focus on the joy and love you have in your life now.

When those special occasions come along and sadness accompanies them I allow myself to feel what I feel and maybe even ask myself why. Sometimes we have unfinished business with ourselves. When that's not the case I thank my higher self that I feel at all. I pat myself on the back for my values and that my moral compass works. I remind myself that there are worse things than being on my own. I also have grown to enjoy my own company and actually have come to appreciate it.

Never underestimate the runaways...they may not speak of the trauma they caused but I assure you...it haunts them...especially on special occasions...their hearts became cold and indifferent...they were not decapitated. Everywhere they go they have to take themselves with them.

It may take awhile but you will get to the point where you actually celebrate your aloneness. Once your grieving finishes you will start to see the positives of your new life. You may even find yourself quietly being grateful for your new 2nd chance at a new life where you set the direction with your own goals in mind. Your future is all about you!

I was feeling so heavy, like cement on my chest in the a.m. When I posted this. But by noon I decided, "that's enough. What are you hoping for - that he will call you???" I moved on. Although I never wanted my marriage to end, I know I'm better off since he wasn't going to stop cheating and his drinking has escalated to new levels since we split. (Maybe my presence did keep that in some degree of control when we were together). And I decided to stop focusing on myself and reach out to a friend - I took her to dinner for her birthday and it was wonderful. Turned out to be not so terrible. Thanks for the kind words as usual. Misred - your story is a good one to keep in mind.

I wanted to send you a hug but can't figure it out how since they upgraded DS. Hope you are doing well on this day after yet another milestone. It's ok to feel those little heart tugs on occasion as long as we don't dwell on them. I find that they come and go and with time (I'm three years out) that they don't come as often nor are they as intense and heart breaking as the early stages.

I loved all of the responses, they help me so much! I have wondered from time to time if my ex ever thinks about me on those special dates but I'm finding that now I don't really give a crud what he thinks!!!! Hugs everyone~

I've been offline for a while. Like Misred we were complimented on our marriage. A success story and when I filed for divorce everyone said he wasn't the kind to cheat. HE always insisted I sit beside him in his truck and our daughter sat by the door. Window dressing to make him look good. I found out he cheated more than anyone I ever knew. He really wasn't good with the kids at all. I was so lonely in the marriage. We rarely went out any where together. When we did he was way ahead of me or dragging up behind.

I don't even remember the date we married but I do remember the year. The same year his new little wife was born. I really do pity her having to put up with his drinking, cheating and anti social behavior.

Good for you. You have a bit of a remembrance and are moving on. A what if that I rarely have any more. I will never marry or even date. I do have goals that are about to e filled. It's good to look back because is helps to see how far you have come. Good idea to take a friend to celebrate her birthday.

milestones like that are sad, sad to married to someone that was never all in and spend 20+ years with them,
sad that people can suck the hope out of someone they claim to love
be open to hope again

Hugs my friend. Everyone already said what I wanted to say. Just be gentle with yourself. Unless I look at the calendar for some reason, I do not remember that date. But when I do think about it, yes I am sad, it does not last that long either. Smile and be happy

I hope the next Feb 22 is much easier! I remember what would have been my 25th...its was about a year after we ended . Funny thing was...I obviously marked the day but didn't feel any worse or anything exceptional as I recall! I think you need to start marking NEW milestones. When you set up your first place after. Or if you didn't move, redecorating. Maybe even when you began to date again! All in good time.

I could have written your post!

I was in the beginning stages of planning a Hawaiian cruise for the ex's and my 25th anniversary when he ended our marriage. Even 10 years later, I feel your pain. We passed the 25 year mark during the divorce. I, too, thought I would be married forever, but, not to be. What haunts me now is the other woman (his now wife) taking my place in "the family" and my current dh not willing to travel with me to see my kids as SHE does. I still remember our anniversary every year. It no longer hurts. I certainly do NOT miss HIM, but most likely always will be sad for the milestones we should have celebrated TOGETHER...not with other spouses. Make no mistake...I do love my current dh, but our family doesn't blend, so I have no resemblance of "family" with dh. It just saddens me from time to time.

Wise words from good people. Just want to share that my wasband gave me a beautiful diamond ring to celebrate our 25th anniversary (it took US 8 months to pay off! How romantic.), then asked for a divorce right after our 26th. Our divorce went through right after our 29th, and I "celebrated" our 30th the first year after, alone, sad, tired, and weary.
It was OK to feel it, I needed to, to work through the grief and sorrow. It's also OK to no longer cry on anniversary dates. You've come a long way, and we have a long way still, but look at how much stronger we are! Blessings.

My attitude is that I try to think fondly of the fact that it could have been 25 years. I celebrate my wedding day with a quick look at the pictures. It was a happy day, in fact it was one of the best of my life. I have my beautiful children because of that day.

I too will never be married for 25 years. This is something that still bothers me. My gradparents had 71 years, my parents celebrate 50 this year. For me it ended at 11 years. I still struggle with the fact that I am divorced. I am over the actual divorce. But that I am a divorcee bothers me. It wasn't how I saw my life.

So thats one of the reasons I celebrate the good stuff that happened.

I don't know that I want to be married again. I don't date yet for fear I will get heart broken again.

My attitude is that I try to think fondly of the fact that it could have been 25 years. I celebrate my wedding day with a quick look at the pictures. It was a happy day, in fact it was one of the best of my life. I have my beautiful children because of that day.

I too will never be married for 25 years. This is something that still bothers me. My grandparents had 71 years, my parents celebrate 50 this year. For me it ended at 11 years. I still struggle with the fact that I am divorced. I am over the actual divorce. But that I am a divorcee bothers me. It wasn't how I saw my life.

So thats one of the reasons I celebrate the good stuff that happened.

I don't know that I want to be married again. I don't date yet for fear I will get heart broken again.