Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
So it's 1:30 am, im sound asleep and someones banging on my door like the building is on fire, I jump up thinking what the heck, must me my x brother, look out peep hole it's the police, wth... they come in, sit me down, we have a emergency restraining order against you where are your firearms, I said locked in the closet.
they take them all and all ammo, then we talk, she pulled a emergency restraining order cause she was scared for her life, ARE YOU KIDDING ME! rules are the rules... ok, so I don't hunt this year, more importantly I ask, my son's graduation is Saturday at the high school if I have to stay away from her can I still go, they tell me I have to go to court in the am to deal with it......... ARE YOU F NG KIDDING ME ! the most important event in his life and I might not be able to go..... unreal.
I told them what I will tell you, the gods honest truth, I picked up my two girls right after work, walked in there yard to look at the pool (a company just opened it yesterday and the kids told me the liner was ripped I just wanted to see it) walked out, asked her if I can grab my golf clubs out of the shed, she said no and slammed the door on my face? so I opened it and asked why, they she said shut the door or i'm calling the cops, my daughter was there so I did and we left.
I had asked her three times over the last few weeks when can I get my tools, hunting gear etc. which is on the court order she won't answer my called or emails about it.... now this crap....
I have been hunting for over twenty years and never threating her at all..
cops were ok, there just doing there job and I respect that, they thanked me for being corportative with them.
now I have to take another day off work to deal with bullshit.
she's out of her mind..
they take them all and all ammo, then we talk, she pulled a emergency restraining order cause she was scared for her life, ARE YOU KIDDING ME! rules are the rules... ok, so I don't hunt this year, more importantly I ask, my son's graduation is Saturday at the high school if I have to stay away from her can I still go, they tell me I have to go to court in the am to deal with it......... ARE YOU F NG KIDDING ME ! the most important event in his life and I might not be able to go..... unreal.
I told them what I will tell you, the gods honest truth, I picked up my two girls right after work, walked in there yard to look at the pool (a company just opened it yesterday and the kids told me the liner was ripped I just wanted to see it) walked out, asked her if I can grab my golf clubs out of the shed, she said no and slammed the door on my face? so I opened it and asked why, they she said shut the door or i'm calling the cops, my daughter was there so I did and we left.
I had asked her three times over the last few weeks when can I get my tools, hunting gear etc. which is on the court order she won't answer my called or emails about it.... now this crap....
I have been hunting for over twenty years and never threating her at all..
cops were ok, there just doing there job and I respect that, they thanked me for being corportative with them.
now I have to take another day off work to deal with bullshit.
she's out of her mind..
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I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
Still can't get the X out of my head, last thing I think of before bed and the first thing I think of when I wake up...
I am honestly trying my hardest to get over this.. kids seem happy, not sure if there just as good as I am which the fakeness , which kills me..
ok off the to start the day
Please do not put your kids in the middle of this, they shouldn't be spying.
Truthfully and I know its hard to hear but what she does now is not your business. It is not the kids responsibility to give you information you should't have. What possible good could come from calling him, you will end up with a restraining order from him, and you will give your wife more ammunition as you are attacking her boyfriend.
I am not trying say this is easy, four years in I still cringe when I see the OW with my childrens father. Do I secretly wish harm would come to both of them yes I do.
However when talking to my kids I speak of the OW as I would any other girlfriend. I use respect and manners because that what I want my kids to see.
(((HUGS))) I know the hell you are living, and I promise it gets better you just have to give it time.
I truly wish you a great vacation, laugh, dance , sing and play with your kids. Enjoy every moment and make new awesome memories they will have for a life time.
Momto, I understand, when you mean about putting the kids in the middle, it's my middle daughter (12) she is a daddys girls,, I am the one that does things with her, takes her to all her sports etc.. mom told her she is my favorite, which it's not true she is just the most active and needs the most rides and while i'm with her her mom will text to she whats she's doing, and then she tells me things, and yes i'll asked more questions which i'm really trying to stop it's just so heart breaking..... we having fun on vacation, keeping busy, playing games etc. but my mind is still not 100 percent on them, I still cry at the beach ( if I get caught I say it's sunblock in my eye), I cry in the shower, this can't be normal for a man,,,, no saying it's should be like for a women either but I feel this is the worse divorce in the entire world.... it kills me that men are using her for sex, I fell if i'm still hurting she must be as well, maybe i'm wrong maybe she is already over me and moved on and i'm still stuck on her............ ok I have to go back out the kids are waiting to play five crowns.....
i'll check in tomorrow. thanks for the help and support, I just feel so stupid.....
You have to think of it in terms of how fast or slow time goes. The divorce pain is taking forever to dissipate, but you have to then ask your self how long ago was your daughter a baby. How long ago was that first day of Grade One.
Suddenly you realize the passage of time is based on good and bad things. The good fly by, the bad take forever.
I promise you this will get easier, but it truly does just take time. You are still in the throws of it.
Sadly she is most like not hurting, if this is what she wanted. My therapist had to explain to me why would my husband could just walk out one day.
She said he had probably been thinking about it for a year or two years or heck maybe 10 years. So by the time he decided to act, he had already dealt with most of it
For me I was blind sided, told he didn't want to be a father or a dad and he packed his stuff and left.
As you say your divorce is the worse ever, let me tell you I felt the same way.
Take this time to love the kids, hugs them. But don't not cry in front of them. Why hide it, they know what is going on. I bet they are sad too, so cry in front of them. Tell them you miss the past, and you are still dealing with everything
DAd's can cry too.
my son left last night and said I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow I really want to stay... may me feel so good.
I sit here know as my girls get caught up on there summer reading, and think gee my X must be out with her boyfriend etc.... that's what I need to get over the mind games I play on myself..
honestly beginning of the week I was playing on going away and never to be seen again, I had it all figured out, I was going to delay an email, write the kids letters etc.... but after the last week with them and how much they mean to me and me to them, they would be ruined for life if something was to happen to me,
I think come Tuesday ( I have my girls till Monday at 6:00) I may try to seek help.... I tried in the past never really worked, I just need to find the right person.... and if I need meds to help that's ok I guess...
I just need to be strong for my kids, hardest thing is dealing with my X and knowing she's sleeping with someone. that burns the most.....
I will check in daily. knowing i'm not alone helps, just have to face the facts I guess
I still have my girls, they go home tomorrow at 6:00, i'm going to hate to let them go....
but they come back Tuesday at 5:15 for dinner, which will be good.
I looked at my 10 year olds instrgram account, she was being followed by 774 people, I hit the roof, (in a good way), told her I want it to 50 max, she's down to 250 now, but my god,,, and her mother follows her, does she not understand she does not know all these people.......
I picked out a couple of therpists I will call Tuesday (don't want to call in from of the kids, and my place is too small to send them into another room)
they both take my health insurance, so its worth a try.......
my son who's so looking forward to college next month, got denied 4 loans already with us cosigning , I have one more shot tomorrow, , but with the X not paying the mortgage in 4 months ya it ruins your credit pretty fast....feel so bad for him, he's such a good kid, and smart as a whip........ time will tell
You're a great father, and when things turn bleak, focus on your wonderful kids. They need you, not just for vacation or rides, but to know that you're loving them even when you're separated, knowing you've got their back should something ever happen. Life has been crazy for all of you, yet you've stayed their constant, their North Star, through it all. Keep moving forward in health, not just for you, but for them.
Take care and keep in touch.
6:00 pm, was hard, drop them at there house. ten days straight, was hard to let them go... I went directly to gym , just getting home now to a very quite apartment, miss them little girls running around me or just bumping into me then smiling at me that we both new they ment it, lol
I do have them tomorrow after work thank god..
I have a therapist all lined up to call tomorrow after my work meeting. hope I can get in Wednesday after work,
really can't go back to work after ten days off and take one more.. or can I.......
I think I need to take something for my anxiety, once I start thinking about my x having sex with someone I go nuts.... just the mear thought of it...... I don't understand it.....