thanks for the encouragement !
LisamariB, I didn't do a thing (honestly), I did everything any women would want, I did at least of 90 % of everything in the house, laundry, dishes, food shopping , running kids to sports, ect. paid all the bills,
my brother told me once to slow down before you have heart attack.
Facebook ruined our marriage, she defriended my son, and after that people that I knew would say some pics were way out of line and the comments must of went to hear head...
once I got the boot, I stayed at a rooming house for two months, only seeing kids on weekends, could not take them back to that hole so time was limited, dinner, movie, bowling etc. . after two months of paying the rooming house and the mortgage, my lawyer told me to stop paying the mortgage, so I did, she got pissed, she wanted her cake and be able to eat it too, then came the support at the time I was giving her 420.00 every Friday I would mail it like clock work, she got mad again cause I mailed it and not handed it to her, so she demanded the courts take it out of my pay, (no problem, saves me time), well her layer was suppose to set up the account, never did, so the new court order is 400.00 a week, which my laywer told me to mail directly to the state with the coupons , with case numbers etc.. and to make sure I photo copy everything from day one, check, coupon and stamped envelope , which I did, a month later I get a letter from the state asking why I'm sending them money that they have 1600.00 and no account to attach it to, reason being her bozo lawyer never set up the account, so she got mad and blamed me to is pulling all this crap, best part when she set up the account, she didn't give them all the required info so they held it even longer....so she's been telling everyone we know I don't care about the kids, I stopped paying support etc..... but no one believes her cause I'm still at every game, chaperoned at the school three times in the last month alone.
I do believe what comes around goes around, it's a tough road, good days and really bad days, but I try my hardest to get up and face the day.....

Not much I can say, but hugs and stay strong.

thank you, I need to check in more often just so I don't feel so all alone.....
going to daughter hockey practice in a bit, normally she just gets dropped off, but today the x is staying, gee wonder why,,,, to make me feel uncomfortable.... she never stays, ever....
i'll pop in say hi to kids (hopefully get a hug from my little one) when she's with her mom she needs to ask permission to come over to say hi to me....
see the other mom's and dad's say hi, and then the Irish good bye (just sneak away) lol
hope to leave work early, the family I grew up with is having there annual cook out, I may stop in to say hi, been 25 years since I seen any on them, ( x didn't like me having friends)
as I look back at the last 23 years with her, I think to myself how caught up I was in her tangled web, but loved her so so much.... would die for her, and now nothing,,, it's just breaks my heart daily....

hey. i am so sorry for you and your kids. you know, she's cutting her own throat with those kids. you stay calm in the face of the things she throws at you in the presence of your kids. it's hard, but keep your sh@! wired tight. they won't be turning their backs on you. keep a log of everything. ask the court in aug. to send you over with a sheriff to get your stuff. any bs on her part will be witnessed by the law, and you can have a report written up if behaviour is bad enough. it sounds like your kids love you, and that is the most important thing. but she's put you on notice that she wants to make your life hell, and will use your kids to do that. document everything!

ok, so pick up my girls, we get to my place, go the pool, come back get ready to go to dinner and my ten year old says tell him tell him, I say tell me what... so the 12 year old starts crying her little heart out shaking like crazy,,, i'm omg what is going on here,,,,, she found a text from her mothers boy friend and her meeting up tonight to have sex, she was heart broken, then mentions there sexting too dad ! SHES 12 !!!! I said how do you know that, well she seen the text and say's she goes in the bathroom all the time does not use the bathroom, but hears her phone click, then water run for a second, kids not stupid, pretty dam smart if you ask me.... but way to much for kids to think about,, were suppose to be going on vacation in two days.... and they drop this bomb on me, i'm a mess...... how stupid can she be to let someone she just met use her for sex... sex is not love, i'm whicked old school and I don't have sex just to have sex, I need to deeply care for that person.. this is bleeding my heart dry folks i'm not going to lie, its a tough one...... I have not stopped crying since I dropped them off, I told my daughter you need to call her out on it, let her know what you seen. cause it's not right........ i'm a million piece puzzle right now beyond repair.....

I'm sad for your kids to have a turd such as that for a mother and to know it.

I'm sad for you, to have loved someone that has decided to just piss on her own kids

You got to keep your self pulled together as best you can (you are doing a dam good job of it)

thanks Refurb,,,,,, I don't what i'm doing, took my girls to Fridays they were all over me snuggling at the table etc. they love me they do, but i'm in outer space,,,,,, i'm loosing the battle fast, I really hope a week on the Cape changes things for me, but knowing she's home screwing some guy is going to eat me apart all week... I just know it..........

My friend, please try to focus on yourself, not her. Your girls know that you are there for them. If they are old enough to petition the courts to live with you permanently, let them. I cannot understand why they are still with her. Hugs.

thanks Knuckle,
it's so hard it's been over a year, divorce was final two months ago.
they love her, they have a nice house, big yard, poor.
it would be a battle, she's home all day to get them on and off bus,
i'm not I could work it out, get a sitter after school, I could drop them off, but Saturdays I work they have sports. etc.... i'd have to find a two bedroom place which I can't afford right now, there like 1800.00 a month... courts would need to come out and approve it.
and what do I tell kids, straight out asked them if they honeslty want to live with dad and not mom...?
I hinted around a bit, there like I don't know...... my oldest doesn't care about her at all but stays there cause he's off to college in a month,
just thank god she's not bring guy;s home yet but i'm sure it's just a matter of time, I think once my sone is gone it will happen, and i'v been spot on so far.......my mind is just spinning...... I think I need to see someone before I snap completely,, but i'm afraid if I mention the word depression I will never see my hunting guns back for as long as I live, that's the only reason I refuse too, cause me when I tell you i'm a mess.... I am... suppose to get better over time and the last year has been a living hell for me every week it's something different, Monday kids said oh we can't go to cape unless mom gets a letter, she agreed three months ago, so my lawyer said nothing we can do , go Saturday to pick them up if they go great, if not go alone, whne you come back we take her to court for contempt, THANKS IT..... fricking cottage cost my 1700.00 that I saved my butt off for, and to sit there for a week alone,,,,,, who going to play mini golf with my, have ice cream cones every night, drive go carts, seafood, etc...... i'm not going alone.....

Crushed, try not to think about what she's doing and concentrate on yourself and the kids. You have a lovely vacation coming up, it will be ok - don't you worry - she'll let the kids go. What part of The Cape are you staying? I'm headed to Galilee RI in about a month and I can hardly wait. My girls are not coming with me ha except for a day, but they are older.

As far as the texts are concerned - yes your kids are smart. They know what's going on and there's nothing you can do about it except be there for them. Unless she's abusing these kids and putting them in harms way your hands are tied. Kids are smart - they figured it out all along and it sucks, but it is what it is. You can't undo anything you can only move forward.

I hope you have a wonderful, beautiful, non humid week with the kids - ENJOY it. Oh, and as for the letter - write in crayon - I'm taking the kids to The Cape - and hand it to her when you go to pick them up.

Your are way better off without her my friend - you just don't know it yet :)

It is not forever, those beautiful children will grow up and then when they are old enough, they can and will leave her stranded. I know that for a fact, because my sweet innocent ex tried the same thing with my kids and now they barely talk to him. Unless he calls them, they will not have anything to do with him. Did you know at 16 they can move out and you do not need a babysitter after 14 yrs of age? Just sit back and watch a train wreck of her own making. It seems that she is totally out of control now. Hugs

the pain is unbearable,,,, my youngest daughter called last night cause didn't have a ride to summer school, she's (IEP) and asked if I would take her, of course I will , so I texted to older one and said hey, i'm grabbing you sister in the am, be up then say mom can I ask dad if he will take me to breakfast,,,,( cause I cant talk to her), it worked like a charm, I had both girls all day till 5:30 pm... tonight,
but I can't keep it out of my head, it's driving me insane, my older daughter just texted me sating she got half the number and will get the rest tonight, she want's to know who it is.... god forbid I get this guys number, I can't control my emotions, I am going to buy a untraceable phone and give him a call.... i'm on the edge of losing my mind over this....... just the thought of her having sex with someone else is destroying me inside, I tried going the gym after I dropped off kids, couldn't even finish my workout, how the hell i'm I going to enjoy a vacation...... KRK, we are staying in Yarmouth,
my son also knows whats going on he's on his way her now he wants to talk to me, i'm going to tell her to call her out on it,,,,,,, its not right... i'm crying again......... just want it to be over..... the pain the heart ache, head aches, not sleeping, ,, maybe just life in general......... i'm so done.... but those girls were so happy today with me........ I need to be here for them, but my 12 year old is not doing good.....
got the mortgage statement today at my house, shes 12,000.00 behind.... little over four months behind, her world will be crashing,,, but so will my kids...........
if I can't have her I don't want anyone else to have her either, I want her to live a lonely life.........

Crushed Yarmouth is beautiful - you guys are so lucky. Try and have a good time on your vacation and as far as getting your hands on the guy she's with - forget about it. Only trouble will come from that thinking and now the kids are getting involved in spying. It's not good. You need to tell your daughter to forget about it. Your divorced and it's over - just be there for the kids and catch them when they fall. Your a good dad, it will all be ok. Divorce isn't the end of the world...sometimes, after all the crap is over, it can be a launching point to something much better!

Thanks KRKing 911, your right it's draining the brain...it just hurts so badly inside....

on a good note I just texted my girls at 10:00 PM, there were packing :) omg that hearing that made my night...
off to the cape for a week, then it's my weekend so I get them for ten straight days ! and 9 nights...
i'm packing our board games, bought all kinds of yard games, it's just what we all need.....at this point....
that much time with them is going to be me wonder for my mind and sole.... less than 12 hours they'll be with me..
just want to have fun and just think about them nothing else, just my kids,

Crushed, I'm with KRK. No good can come of letting our emotions get away on us. I know it's hard - I wasn't very happy when I found out about the ex's OW either - but it's better for ourselves if we can let it go. I used to want the OW to leave the ex. I wanted their relationship to end so badly. I wanted him to hurt like I did. In the end, I realised it was hurting me more to hold onto that sort of thinking. His day will come and I can't make it happen by wishing. I take comfort in the thought that leopards don't change their spots. One day, the OW will see the same man I saw. It may already be happening because I recently heard the ex has been sent to a psychiatrist.

Take each moment as it comes and concentrate on savouring every happy moment with your kids. They need their dad healthy, whole, full of self-respect and integrity.

love and hugs
kamary