Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I know having him come home the way he did without consequences was the wrong thing to do. We really screwed up last night. He was super drunk. We got into an argument and he choked me. He threw me against the wall and put his hands around my neck. I have finger marks.
The police were called today and they told him he had to move out and stay away from me. I watched him pack up while the police stood in the doorway. It was scary.
I never wanted something like this to happen. He hasn't been physically abusive in 30 years. He just snapped with the alcohol in him. Now he's gone. And I have to deal. Not doing too well.
The police were called today and they told him he had to move out and stay away from me. I watched him pack up while the police stood in the doorway. It was scary.
I never wanted something like this to happen. He hasn't been physically abusive in 30 years. He just snapped with the alcohol in him. Now he's gone. And I have to deal. Not doing too well.
Take care of yourself and stay safe.
Get professional advice. Be careful. He'll likely be remorseful and try to ask for your forgiveness etc etc. Do NOT engage him in any way is my initial advice but ultimately I think you need professional guidance on next steps honey.
For now, just heal. You've been shocked! hugs of support
You did the right thing calling the police, and they did the right thing taking him away. Now you need to make sure he stays away.
lots of love and huge hugs
kamary
Listen girl, you escaped a terrible fate. Don't feel bad for him. Feel relieved and happy for YOURSELF! Time for you to worry about you. I'm sorry they didn't arrest him. They should have.
Most of all - don't be afraid to do this on your own.... Your a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you can do this. You GOT this sister!
Here is something from my past.I've been where you are now and you need to read this.
I was married at nineteen and he suddenly became a push and shover when he was drinking.He would kick in doors that weren't lock break things and I would manage to run till he was sober. Over the course of that five year marriage his abuse escalated. One night he ripped the phone out of the wall and put a knife to my throat. He was very drunk and holding our baby daughter. He knew I would run and hide until he was sober. I talked him into giving me the baby and convinced him I wasn't leaving. He finally put the knife down. He told me if I ever left him he would kill me. The next morning he was barely down the road and I was snatching curtains down and packing. When he got home that night I was gone and had moved everything that was mine. I knew that man meant what he said and would hurt me badly the next time he was that drunk. He was usually drunk every night.
You must keep away from this man. If this is the first time he has been physically abusive the next time you might not live. You need to take this very seriously. There will be a next time.
I know were toxic together. Until he gets sober and realizes there is more to life than this he won't quit. I know that now. he'll do it again. The police told him to stay out for at least 2 weeks until the prosecutor can review the case. He said it scared him too. Doesn't matter though he still drank last night. He told me.
I have an appointment with the lawyer today. I will hopefully settle the divorce situation. Not sure if it can still go through or if I have to start over. Doesn't matter. Needs to be done. We just can't make it together like this. TOXIC.
Holding you in thought and prayer.
xoxo
Hullibee, I try very hard not to judge others, but he is completely out of line. You DID NOT CAUSE IT. Please hear this; you did not cause it, you can not stop it, you have no control over that kind of violence. All you can do is stay the hell away from him and do what you can to get, and stay, safe. That is the only thing you have control over, that or choosing to put yourself in harms way again.
Praying my knees off for you my friend. Please stay safe.
Trisha, I can really relate to your description. I remember the worst incident I had with him. it was 1980 Christmas. We had to go to a family Christmas party at his grandparents. When we arrived (husband had been drinking all day) his cousin asked him to go out back and drink whiskey and smoke pot. I blew up and said that wasn't appropriate with 2 kids and his grandparents inside.
I'll NEVER FORGET. His dad yelled at him and told him to take me outside and take care of me. He pulled me outside by my long blonde hair and beat me to a pulp. He broke my nose (and my glasses) then told me to get back inside and feed the baby. I was holding her in my arms while he beat me. She was about 10 months old.
I left him the next day. Fled to Florida to recuperate. Took my kids to my mom's in Tennessee on the way. Filed for divorce. I guess I should have let it go through back then.
I thought he would NEVER hit me again after that. I guess I was wrong.
thanks.
Ellen