My therapist told me that it is one of the larger issues facing therapists today in counseling, and that is it very addictive and very hard to treat. Porn addiction is easier to do because of the internet and easy access. I do not feel this topic is inappropriate, in fact your topic header sure got my attention this morning! There is interactive porn, and I understand how many people could feel betrayed, and some therapists consider this cheating in the sense that engaging in online sex is sex.. that may be up for debate, but when a partner is addicted something, you can become invisible.

I did not have to deal with this in my marriage, but I believe many many women do and do not want to to talk about it, it shames them for his behavior.. I also think that many women feel as you do, that it has something to do with them, and your attractiveness and that is not true. It about their inability to be realistic about their expectations and their sexuality. Unfortunately for a lot of reasons, it then does a number on your self esteem. It is not about you, other than you are letting someone put you down with unrealistic ideas that he got. Like all addictions, and some do not even admit to that, it hurts many people.

When I went back to work, my life crossed with people from all walks of life. I met more people, and I found out that many women were dealing with this. Many of them did not have an option of divorce for a lot of reasons, mostly economic. People would open up and tell me how miserable they were, and I did ask is he online doing porn? I found that these guys besides the ideas they expected from her, were neglecting their families, children work etc etc. Staying home or up all night instead going to Little League. Drawing lines in the sand.. he choose porn! Some advanced to not only spending money, which it porn can be expensive, but doing on line sex with a webcam..and I always wonder who are these women on the other end...the ones that are not being paid. My friends husband involved in Second Life site.. has 3 wives and webcam. We looked at their real pictures after I hacked into his site.. hint do not use your dog name as a password.. and they were not too good looking. Unhappy women just like him, all married..

I am a smart ass, and I have said this.. if some guy thinks that I should look or act or perform acts in porn.. my answer is.... when you look like the guy in the porn flick, then you can ask me to do those things! Who the heck do some of these guys think they look like! This stuff in not that soft HBO porn, this is hard core stuff people watch.

You sound like you are on your way to regaining self esteem and self worth. I say I never lost who I was in my marriage, I just lost my way for awhile. I have been fortunate with men in my life, prior to marriage and after, that none had unrealistic expectations of what real women look like. I hope that you can move forward and find yourself and regain your self esteem. HUGS

Sure, bad boys will try to get away it until they get bold and slip up, only to get caught by their spouses. The dilemma for the "innocent" normal healthy thinking individual is not to get themselves too badly burned in the process. It's why you have to keep yourself grounded with reality and support groups.

Basically, addicts dehumanizes others as to be used solely as an object for the purpose to meet their ends. It's more than an addiction issue, it's also about their moral corruption of DEPRAVING women in particular the recognition simply to be human. Not a good thing and can be very dangerous to be regarded as a "bug" .

My ex is Narcissistic and he has a very well hidden poor opinion of women. In fact I would say he really hates them for some reason. To watch porn that puts a woman in a subservient position gives some men a high. They are hooked to that feeling of thinking they are superior and women should be willing to do anything, anytime. They can imagine they are with that woman to hang onto that feeling of superiority. When that gets boring they go onto other things trying to find and keep that high, that excitement. My ex married someone almost 25 years younger than me. No wife can and should have to try to compete with that. They are sick men and yes I would consider porn cheating if it pulls a husband away from his family, marriage and a normal life.

Right after the divorce and I was still handling most of the money and paying the bills the ex spent over $200.00 on his company Diners Club. I happened to see the bill and knew he took a whole lot of porn movies back to TX with him. I turned all his accts. over to him and he had to start paying his own bills. The new wife in China started paying his online bills from his check.

I dont consider computer porn cheating per say but I do consider it time and effort taken away from the relationship. When hes spending more time with the computer porn than with you... its a problem.

When we finally addressed it in counselling, I realized that it has very little to do with sex and less to do with me. That's not to say that I wasn't a victim of the addiction. It's all about the brain chemistry and the drug it's being fed. The porn addict becomes addicted to the images and does this in a secrative and solitary act. As with any drug, they began to lie and cover up their act. That is when it becomes a betrayal. I've tried for years to look at it as any other addiction but sadly it cost me my self esteem.

I have found a wonderful support group right here on DS for spouses and addicts alike. THANK GOD I FOUND THIS PLACE!

I heard on a talk show recently, that porn addiction is more difficult to overcome than drugs.

My ex cheated extensively during our relationship. I didn't know for a good while, and then we went through a separation and we went to counciling. (this was before internet porn was a big deal)

Anyway after we reconcilled I thought all was well. We renewed our vows at his insistance that he really was committed. Not so...didn't take long for him to start again with infidelity, but he was more discreet.
Again I forgave his sorry butt , because he began to have medical problems. Low and behold he was put on medication that accelerated his erectile disfunction. I silently thought this would be a blessing in disguise, because it would deter him from cheating.
When I realized it didn't stop anything.....it was over. I was disrespected for the last time. That was what it took. I was willing to stand by him during his illness, but he wanted someone half his age.

Isn't this the most wonderful support group!!!!!

I understand completely...He actually put up cameras in our hallway with a monitor in the garage where he had his tv and all his toys....He would wait until we were in bed and then start his little ritual IN THE GARAGE! I have no idea how long he did this. One night I was having a bad dream and I got up in the middle of the night and went looking for him...there he was...going to town with his tv going full speed! LOL -- its actually funny now -- but at the time I think I was in shock!
After we separated I found one of his e-mails to some woman and he had sent her a picture of his "special purpose" Good God!! He really was a Dick!

Yeah I would - lack of self-control and no respect for partner. Takes someone with maturity to think of others first. It is a really bad addiction. I wouldnt be surprised if stbx got us into debt with bills from that kind of thing- caught him on dating website when i came home at lunch one time- stupid ass. I always checked browser after that but i never really knew what he spent all our money on and why he stold 100,000 from minor hockey league- not sure i want to know.......

Wow, another common thread between so many of us. It's very spooky. Somehow this must have some connection to narcissism. They honestly believe the women on the monitor or TV screen want them? It would not surprise me!

My X is addicted to porn - he was up all night and on-line all day watching it. My daughter would come home at night and since my X was passed out on the couch with his laptop on - with Asian porn on the puter - she'd be afraid to bring anyone home and when she did, she'd make sure they cut through the kitchen to go upstairs instead of going through the parlor.

I did read that the addition gets worse and worse - so more and more severe types of porn are needed for them, as they get desensitized to it and have to find something more hard core.

I believe the internent makes all of these things way too easy! It's not like years ago when you have a playboy hidden underneath your bed. This is available 24/7 and people are sick! No wonder our world is turning into what it is. Disgusting. Amazing how many of us there are.

My ex also looked at porn (magazines, we didn't have cable), but the result was the same.

drtexdi wrote: "Somehow this must have some connection to narcissism."

You are absolutely correct. The simplest definition of NARCISSISM is "worship of one's own penis!"

Is it common for women to become addicted to porn?

LOL - I don't know - good question

I think the majority of women are more realistic and spend most of their time in the real world. Kids, house, dinner, etc. The night before he decided he "didn't have feelings for me anymore" we were out having drinks at a place on the water. He kept looking at two girls at the table next to us who were in there 20's. I'm 48 and he's 52 mind you. I got so mad we had to leave and then got in a big fight. I kept asking him how young was too young - our oldest son is 21! He just kept saying all guys look. Then I was telling him he was a leacherous creep. The next morning he said he was done and that that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

So be it. I was tired of being embarrassed by him every time we go out. What is wrong with men who think its ok to ogle at women of any age? When I was in my 20's if some old dude was checking me out, I'd flip him off.