That is progress on your part right there! Why would you want to allow someone back into your life when you could never trust them again? That was the thing that simply killed me when my ex walked out and I knew what he had been doing. I was destroyed because I KNEW I could never ever have that trust back. He broke us. It was irreparable. There was no fixing that. I think THAT was what had me crying constantly. I knew in my heart that bridge was burnt. And I know the pain you are in. I know how broken feels. But please, please, please be kind to yourself and believe me when I say it gets better. I could not have imagined that one day I would be able to see my ex and not have my heart drop to the floor and spend days obsessing about him. But it happens! It really does get better. No contact. No messages. No texts. No late night calls. And no responding to him when he does. Imagine you are wearing a suit of armor and as long as you have it on he can't get to you. And when you feel most vulnerable know there is a forum you can come to for strength and advice and support. Everyone on here is so kind and wonderful and this place got me through some long dark nights.

I had a very bad day yesterday. I had to be with him to go to bankruptcy lawyer. He sat there and listened, signed the papers and said nothing. That is until we got in the car. Then BLAMM he blasted me. I am the only one that he EVER blasts. He was so mad at me. Saying that it was my fault that I lost the business and had to file bankruptcy to get the bank off our back. I reminded HIM that I didn't leave the marriage. I didn't give all the bills up that he paid. I didn't cause the bank to foreclose. He was responsible for these things happening as much as me. All he cared about was HIS pension, HIS bank account, HIS guns... It didn't matter to him that he gave me all the bills to pay since he walked out on me. I reminded him that I counted on him to pay his portion of our marital bills. HE was the one that left the marriage. I didn't want to be divorced. I am sick over this confrontation. He once again left me holding the bag.

You should have just filed bankruptcy alone and let him fend for himself. Is he still living with you?

No he is NOT living with me. He lives with OW. We had to file joint because his name is on the house and the business. I need the house cleared for the divorce because the business bank attached a lien. I could care less if he was cleared of the business after the way he treated me!!

My EX got real nasty when it came to stuff like that too. If I were you, I wouldn't ride anywhere with him so he doesn't have the opportunity to rage. I had to hang the phone up on mine a few times because he would go off. It's odd that they are getting what they want (divorce) and get so angry. I decided I wasn't going to listen to it. He can find someone else to.

The business of marriage is forever only when the financial practicalities and legalities are in effect. The moment your partner relinquishes up their role, taking residence elsewhere with another bed partner, signifies the business of marriage is breached. You might need more than "no contact" to protect yourself at this point. Getting and counting your ducks is in order.

Misred I agree I need to make him drive separately. I thought it would be fine to go together because we both had to go to the same place.

Toby I agree with you too. I need to get my ducks in a row. I am trying to deal with the bankruptcy stuff right now and have put the divorce stuff on a back burner. It is suppose to be final June 19th. I'm not sure when the hearing will be?? I know from the bankruptcy lawyer (different than divorce lawyer) that once he file the paperwork on the bankruptcy the hearing for that will take about a month. I want to leave town for the summer to put distance between alcoholic husband and me. It looks like that will be unlikely at this point. I need to be present for both hearings. I'll have to see.

Hullibee, please take care of yourself. When you see him and he starts up again, just let him have it. Between the eyes. Just tell him, that this is the last time you will ever talk to me like that. The very last time, understand then smile, turn around and walk away. I did that and so did my daughter with a classmate. My ex would not dare to bother me now.

So sorry you had to deal with his anger. good for you for sticking up for yourself! My ex would do the same thing--yell at me about divorce issues. I would always say, "We wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for you!". I also hung up on him a few times.

Don't ride anywhere with him. Drive yourself. Take a friend. Don't hesitate to call the cops if he gets nasty.

Notice that going NO CONTACT gave you strength!!! Keep it up! We are here for you.