It gets easier with time. Stay the course!!!! Time passes quicker than you might think, and......the longer you go no contact, the healthier you'll be and the less you'll think about him. Truly, it DOES get easier, but you must stay the course!

If you slip, well......start again! You can do this

Aww honey - You have lots of good people here to help. Contact is like an addition and you are on your way to breaking the habit! You can do this - do what you need to, but please, please, please don't break NC. You are getting away from a very abusive man. He's got you conditioned. Go find a good therapist and talk, talk talk to us!

You can do this!

I consider my ex my addiction. If I allowed myself, I'd think about him, us 24/7. I have broken NC so many times and not one time did I get the outcome I so wanted. In March I had this crazy notion to go after him one last time but I have learned a lot this past hellish year so I pondered it for a few days and I'm proud to say I didn't go down that road. So I set a goal of May 1st to go NC and I did it. It really helped me on the days I felt like texting or calling him, I remembered my goal. The only contact we've had was done by him, once for my birthday and one regarding our taxes. So May 1st has come and gone and I reset my goal to June 1st. It's hard, especially early on but it is truly the only way to get past this. Listen to all of the advice here, we've done it, we've lived it and we know the outcome of breaking NC. This is part of a quote I really like:
"For the people that pick up the phone so tempted to call, but keep their dignity intact instead".

That one line has helped me many times when tempted to break NC......let's hold onto our dignity and continue forward on our new journey~Sending you lots of hugs!!!!!!

I remember thinking to myself that I would love to go just one day without crying! I cried rivers!! I cried at home, at work, in the car, in the shower, in the grocery store... Well you get it. And then one day I realized it had been a couple days. No tears. And then eventually, a week!! An entire week and no tears!! Halleluiah! And then I would cry for days again. I would come on here and read everyone's comments and it would let me know I was "normal". So now, almost 2 years later (has it really been that long!!?) I find I go weeks and weeks and no more tears. :)
It takes as long as it takes. But it DOES get better. I promise.

You know what, I cried today. Lots of it due to hormones...It's been 3 official years for me - 4 since he left. I know it has nothing to do with him, it has to do with me. Still some healing I think. But that's a lifetime worth of healing - not a marriage time full.

I'm sorry Hullibee. I can relate to what you have written and I am feeling the same way. I have read what the other wonderful women have written here. I have soaked it in and I am hanging onto it like a life preserver. I hope we can all get through this....I am crying a river and hoping these are healing tears, yet it is so painful, many days I don't think that I can endure it. And the anxiety that takes over my body is unbelievable. And yet there are wonderful brave women here who have shared their stories and their strength. So I, like you, will keep trying. I'm sorry to say this,....but I am so grateful to learn that I am not alone. Up until yesterday, I felt like no one truly understood.....and then I began to read these discussions. Thank you for posting.

Thank you Roses25. I am trying too. I am grateful for the posts as well. This is such a healing place.

Write stuff down - not just what he has done, but how you are feeling, even what you want to say to him. Get it out, but then walk away from it. Type it into your phone notes if you are feeling the need to call or text.
Reward yourself when you've passed a certain milestone - even if it's only 4 hours.

Hugs and prayers for a better outcome on the other side of the pain.

Thank you cmonge. What a good idea. I can do that on my phone. I never thought of that. I am so stuck in this muck that I cannot hardly function. I will try the writing it down.
thanks.

You can also write journals here on DS. You can choose to share them with friends or lock them as private. I wrote some pretty nasty stuff I would have loved to say to my EX while we were going through the divorce and locked them up. It was a great release for me.

thanks misred. I'm afraid to write here. My posts are enough for me to get in trouble with if someone found them. I wish I could trust myself more. It is scary to think that I cannot be totally open and honest. I am an honest person and holding back is not in my nature. He has betrayed me and I want him to pay. It will never happen though.

I understand. I try to keep my anonymity while posting here. You could just type it out and delete. Some people write out a letter and burn it. Whatever it takes to pour out the feelings.

That is one of the best things you can do. Journal! Write, write, write! It gives you an outlet. It helped me so much to organize all those crazy, disconnected thoughts and feelings. I would (and still do) write pages and pages. Some times it was just the same thing over and over. But by doing that it also gives you something to look back at and see your progress. Even when you don't feel like it has changed or you feel mired down in your pain and anguish, looking back and re-reading things can help you to see that you are getting stronger. And it can also help to keep you from forgetting all the crap he has put you through. I tend to gloss over and forget the horrid things he did or said, or how awful he treated me and made me feel. But by going back and reading it I am able to stay strong in my NC and not glamorize him.

I went back and re-read some of my text messages to him. Eye opening. Unfortunately he has been saying the same things to me for months: I don't know what I am doing. Stupid. He still can't make his mind up between me and the OW. Except he has been living with her since January 27th. It is now May 27th. This makes me wonder. What AM I WAITING FOR???? He has not shown me he is coming back. And would I even want him after all this grief?

I got those same type of messages. Almost a year post-divorce I still get "I'm sorry I screwed up our life. I'm sorry I threw away the best thing I ever had..." But he had SOOOO many chances!

It's a way to keep you on a string just in case. And at this point, "who cares what he is doing???" Do what YOU need to do!