You have certainly come to the right place for good friends, good advice, support and gaining new information. This site was truly a blessing to me.

Welcome.

Welcome Hope, I'm sorry your marriage is ending, but it sounds like it's best. Once the divorce is final, you can start to heal, something very difficult in the "not together, not apart" stage. I was there for over a year, and am now 2 years after the divorce. It wasn't easy, but it's better than before the divorce.
Glad you've found us, and are now able to share!

It is nice to have a place to speak my mind in peace and without judgment :)

Welcome to our group.Know that we are a pretty cohesive band of men and women who have found ourselves on the receiving end of unwanted divorces and lived to tell about it.

I am sorry for your circumstances, but it sounds as if you were able to reach an equitable settlement. So many of us here had to fight tooth and nail to get what we truly deserved. Perhaps you and your X will be able to salvage a friendship out of all this. I suppose that is the best-case scenario. Too bad it's so rare.

Big welcoming hugs to you from one of the "Long-Timers"...
xoxo

I am still PRAYING we sign the papers and stay friends. You just never know.
After reading some of your stories... it makes me ANGRY for you.
It is not okay to leave your spouse in dire straits.
Shame on all that do..!!

Hopeat55, Welcome, I am fairly new here and also at that not together & not apart point. It is the pits! At least you & your husband seem to have worked things out financially. Hopefully, you will still be friends with him when everything is finished. We have been together for 40 years & I am not strong enough (yet) to leave. You seem to have it together much more than I do. My heart won't do what my head tells me to, hopefully with time.

Glad to have a new friend. Hopefully we can help each other along the way. TCB

Welcome Hopeat55. Divorce is hard even if it's you that pulls the trigger first. The ex cheated on me back in 2010 and I stayed (mostly out of fear) for three years following. I did still love him in the beginning but once I realized I would never trust him again, I detached from him enough that I wasn't feeling it for him anymore. I asked for a divorce first but that's not to say it has been easy. We were married for 27 years at the time.

We're not friends at all; actually haven't spoken in well over a year. When it was clear he just wanted to use me, I decided to cut ties with him all together. It's been easier for me that way but if being friends with your ex works, I commend you for that.

Sending hugs and support

lemaym1.wordpress.com/

Hi Hopeat55 and welcome. I was married 33 years and I filed for divorce. Like your h my ex wanted to stay married and I refused to live his life of lies. The divorce was easy but the next six years were bad. My dear ex was mad and vindictive. In the end he forgot who I had been before we married and he had to deed the farm over to me and pay what he owed.

I hope your divorce can stay friendly. It would be so much easier on you. Divorce is never easy. Its so hard to leave and make a new life for yourself.

Hi Hopeat55, and welcome to this site. You've found a great place. Sorry you had a such a battle getting online with us.

I wouldn't have been able to stay married yet separated. You're either in or you're out. Some can do it, though, and it works for them.

I was with my ex for 39 years - 34 married - and I was the one who chose to go. To make a long story short, he had his own life separate to the marriage for a long time. He spent a lot of time away from home, and when he was at home, he wasn't all that nice to live with, and it got worse over time. I am so glad I 'got away'.

I hope your divorce can remain amicable. It would be nice to see someone who can remain on good terms with the ex despite the breakup.

love and hugs
kamary

It is strange knowing 34 years of marriage will end. My soon to be x sent a landscaper to mow the yard yesterday. How odd … in a way he acts like he needs to take care of me? I have a gut feeling this will be harder on him in the long run than me. I know this is why I am antsy and worry he may not sign the papers this week.

My heart and trust was broken when he left me, I will never see him in the same light as before. EVER. To be honest, he did me a favor. I was raised to marry for life. You take the ups and downs. I would never have left him.

On a funny note, the landscaper flirted with me. WOW. The dating part of life I will have to learn again. Poor guy did not know I was thinking………… RUN BABY RUN ... I am in no way ready for that yet!

Run Baby Run.... that's funny. I don't know if I would even recognize flirting if I saw it again.

I too hope things can be amicable for you and your husband. I am one of the lucky ones here, I feel friendly and comfortable around my wasband, which made our son's graduation this year much easier and lower on the "stress-o-meter" than it could have been.
Thank God for less drama, I certainly saw enough while trying make my marriage work with him and his addictions. It's sad and I still grieve, but I don't have to carry the burdens of hate, anger and jealousy around anymore.

Hi there. Welcome to our little group. I am glad to hear that it appears the settlement is going okay. I just have to warn you (like some of the others did), it's still going to be a huge adjustment. Once things are finalized, I suggest you do your best to be independent from him. If you don't, it is possible he will feel you are obligated towards him. You may want to date and he will feel he has a say in it because he helps you (sending a landscaper to cut the grass etc). I'm not totally against you being friends, it's just that sometimes these friendships are not healthy.

Ha ha. The run baby run:) I know exactly what you mean. I had a number of male visitors and phone callers, in the beginning. One sent me postcards from all over the world for 5 years before he just disappeared with never a face-to-face visit. I think they think we may want to 'play' or are so desperate we'll accept the first man who comes along. On the other hand, it's possible they liked us from afar before, but if that were the case, they wouldn't be so crude as to approach before the divorce is through. Still, they don't have to flirt and it's nice to be flirted with.

I would go with Misred's warning. Some men can try to maintain control over a woman even if they are the ones who left. And here's another warning. Beware the stbx who seems to be so very amenable. Keep your eyes open and your wits about you. Know howmuch you're entitled to, where all the money and investments are. Get yourself a good legal representative.

love and hugs
kamary

LOL.... you guys are great..!!

>>>> Beware the stbx who seems to be so very amenable. Keep your eyes open and your wits about you. Know howmuch you're entitled to, where all the money and investments are. Get yourself a good legal representative. <<<<<

YOU bet I do. :)

My favorite is keep your mouth shut and your ears open. A man will get nervous and start talking. Just let him ramble on and eventually you will know who and what he is. I quickly learned that with the ex. He would give me hints on what nasty stunt he had planned for me.

My Atty went to court with me six times. The fifth time I told him I think there will be one more hearing. Will you handle that one too? He said yep. Well there was one more time. I knew the ex better than he knew me. You also know your ex probably more than he knows you.