I could have written your post! While I haven't officially dated anyone yet....I am out there. With friends and very social. But I too look at all these men with a cynical eye and every one of them has a flaw of some sort. This just tells me I'm not ready yet.

That said, rather than "online dating", I have found that other venues offer better choices! For example, I have started doing volunteer work with my college Art Therapy group. We travel to diffferent art events and I meet TONS of people that way. Also, I've discovered public auctions. I don't buy anything, but boy oh boy are there LOTS of men (with money) hanging around those places. I'm also fortunate that I live in a big city with a plethora of cultural arts, water based, social, night club, ethnic opportunites. I've also joined a few meetup.com groups in my area. Even if you aren't clicking with any of the men at these functions, you can easily make new women friends who may end up setting you up with someone!

My point is, get creative. Go look outside of your typical social box (setting) and then just go and start talking with people.

I am planning to read "Date or Soul Mate" soon. I agree with Hurt, walk away from "non-keepers". There's nothing arrogant about going to a different fishing pond that has better quality and quantity of keepers.

Hi Kim.... I can relate to a lot of what you've written and your feelings... I am also on the dating sites, went on a few 'one and through's'... lol... not quite as many as you have. I commend you for your persistence!! Thank you! It gives me hope.

I did find myself in an exclusive relationship for a little over a year - met him through a dating site. He was actually what some might consider "a catch".... house - check, car - check, retired with pension - check, manners - check.... etc, etc. etc... we had some fun together, but unfortunately, there were a few things that turned out to be deal breakers for me... the main one being no real chemistry. Maybe I'm trying to relive my youth, but I want some butterflies....like you, I did not date much before I married so I'm learning too. I'm looking for the same, a companion, someone to have fun with... thankfully I am able to take care of myself and also do not NEED a man.

I agree that meeting someone in person is ideal. But, I too have limited exposure. I don't work with the public and I refuse to date anyone I work with. I've seen that end badly too many times.

My own opinion... I think that our life experience, our age, has put us in the position of being better able to read people, we know what we can compromise on... we get to be more choosy - even though that ability comes with it's own down side. This might sound shallow, but I know that when I start looking through profiles, I'm looking for key words, I scrutinize pictures for clues of reasons to pass them by. Maybe not the best course of action, but it's all I know to do for now. I'm not completely discouraged, but it is depressing when I'm sitting around on the weekends by myself with no one to talk to. There are times when I like my solitude, but I believe we are social creatures by nature and too much solitude may not be a good thing.

Being pretty much in the same place as you are, this may not be of much help other than letting you know.. and realizing for myself, that you are not alone in your feelings.... here's to us!!!

Great question! Love everyones responses. I too am in the same boat. I go in spurts where I think I'm ready and go back on a dating site then I get very disappointed in what I get. I have only ventured out on 3 or 4. One site was very crude and I knew I didn't want to find a man like that. Match was too generic for me... a know what I'm looking for in a new relationship, just wasn't finding that. A friend told me about another site that the men seem to be more professional and mature...if that's what you call it.

Then I pay for these sites and realize that maybe this isn't for me. I'm ok without a man or partner that I had a pretty good marriage all those years and I don't want to get hurt again. I'm ok with that. And then the cycle continues. I always hope to meet someone at church but most of the men are married. I've been to meetups. and other avenues... well one day it'll hit me.

Good luck and keep me posted on how things progress for you all!

Since we are on the subject, how do you all deal with the rejection factor? While I myself am very picky about what I consider dating material, I am finding that men just continue to be shallow. They all want to date Sophia Vegara. Not us "real" women. To be honest, I feel a little inadequate. We aren't young chickies anymore and lets face it, age and gravity set in and short of body makeovers via plastic surgery, how do you deal? I've never felt ugly in my life. But I gotta tell you, I'm not too confident about myself these days.

Thanks to everyone for your words of advice and comments. PsiChi, I felt very much like you and still do at times. But, here's what changed for me. Maybe it will help you. While I was married, I was terribly depressed and had gained a lot of weight. I felt worthless. My ex certainly didn't help that perception. After our separation, I started losing weight, first because I couldn't eat. Then, because I wanted to. I've lost 74 pounds, 12 sizes, and a lot of emotional baggage that went along with the belief that I was unattractive. I'm certainly not what you would consider classically pretty, but I've learned that beauty is, indeed, an inside job. Once I lost a lot of that weight, I bought new, more flattering clothes. I let my hair grow out and had it styled, I did my nails and started wearing more flattering makeup. It's not that I never did these things before, but I wasn't consistent in doing them, nor did I feel beautiful while I was married. I put one of those wall clingy things on my wall across from my bed so that every morning the first things I see is "Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful." I say positive, life-affirming mantras to myself all day long. I posted mantras all over my house, especially on mirrors, to remind me. At first, it felt insincere and weird. Over time, I started to actually believe the mantras. As I grew more confident, I would change my online profile. I changed my photos to show off the new me. I've been told that I have a fantastic profile. It's honest and very accurately reflects who I am as a person. That still hasn't equated to a good man that I can date long term, but when you're fishing in the wrong sea, you're not going to get the right fish.

I am a professional photographer. I owned and operated a studio for many years. I would frequently be asked by women who came in for portraits if I could make them look better, more flattering and beautiful. I would always tell them that they already were beautiful, that my camera only captures what is. Then, I would pose them in flattering ways and talk to them and make them laugh so that their smiles were authentic. When I showed them the final product, their portraits, they would often cry. I can't tell you how many times they would say, "Wow, I didn't realize that I looked that good!"

So, I say to you, PsiChi, you are and always have been beautiful and wonderful. You just haven't yet realized it, but you will. Just be the absolute best version of you that you can be, wrinkles and gravity issues included. The right man will see you, the real you, and be grateful every day that he gets to be with you.

Even the most beautiful and perfect supermodel can be hideously ugly if she isn't true to herself and kind to others. Never forget that.

I have tried the whole internet dating thing...I signed on to 3 of them. I met some really nice guys but I also met some very crazy and unstable guys. I have deleted my profile from all of them a few months ago. I was experiencing the same emotions you were...plus...I found myself being ultra critical...I also found myself comparing the men I met to my ex when he was happy within our relationship. I suddenly realized...I just havnt done enough work on myself yet. It was wrong for me to criticize and compare...I was not able to see these men for who they were and find a place of appreciation of there individuality. So...when I can get to that point of meeting a man without superimposing my ex on them...that's the time to start dating for me...Big Hugs...Kathy

Yes, there are men looking for a "super model" just as some women are looking for a handsome prince. I have found the ones who are not all into that are quiet and reserved. They know what real beauty is. I think when looking for a mate, you have to be careful and not try to find someone who is going to "make you" fill-in-the-blank for example; make me feel loved, make me happy.... I think that is unfair pressure to put onto someone. You have to already be fulfilled and just be looking for someone to share your life with. Sometimes you have to decide to love

PSI: "We aren't young chickies anymore " , well my dear, neither are they !!!! Don't forget physical aging effects are not gender specific. They may think they WANT to date Sophia Vegara, but it doesn't mean they are the material.

"How do you all deal with the rejection factor?" tells me you are forgetting it's the suitor's burden to show you his performance. In my opinion, most of us already know we are capable of loving, there's plenty testimony. Whom I decide to love might be problematic [ our past marital selection is proof]. Since I'm no young chick, noting the suitor's performance and degree of past success is key to his ability/capability to act out " love" is more important!

You're learn to use their rejection as your free card to " get out" as a blessing.

yes Toby.....but the facts that they are aging don't seem to affect them. Look at all these pretty women with balding, expanded belly, grey haired me. We tend to find older/mature men attractive. Its so unfair.

I agree, "old balding, expanded belly, and grey haired " is realistically accurate even for the aging matured male. I suppose, as long as the " young chickies " wears her blind fold and turns off the bedroom lights [ gravity and decreased muscle tone takes a toll on the body with enough time], all can go well for a brief moment depending on his intake of Viagra. After all, sexual frequency and frustration is likely to become an issue for her. Of course, the media does not glorify this information. Let's also hope the guy's seemingly attractive nest egg is LARGE enough to support his life style along with his alimony payments to his first family.

In all seriousness, whatever age, you can be "beautiful" and you too can upgrade. You have the upper edge with maturity and experience as oppose to "young chickies". So much so, we matured women too have to be careful of being taken advantage.

I agree with Toby. I have decided that I like myself, and I deserve to be able to choose an "upgrade"
I'm not ready to date and I know this, but I created a dating profile so I could get a jump start on knowing how they work....lol. I find that if I only want 6' and over males with blue eyes, then that's what I'm gonna look for. I've always been attracted to blue eyed brunettes.(my husband was a green eyed blonde) I know I don't want a green eyed blonde and I know I want height. I'm 5'7" so 5' 10" is probably as short as I'll go. I want college educated (my husband was not)
I may never find those things together, if I don't, I'll be ok. I'm just having a bit of fun searching (I've not contacted anyone, I'm just looking)

Isn't that the truth Paramom.....I'm so particular now about what I would want in my "next" husband.

He's definitely going to be an educated professional with a hefty income. He has to appreciate the finer things of life and must be good at conversations. We are going to have to travel .... A LOT! A sailboat would be nice but not a deal breaker! LOL As for looks, I too have an issue with shorter men. They all seem to have egos to compensate for their height. So while I stand a mere 5'5, I will not entertain a man under 5'8....and thats pushing it.

I married the first time for blind love. We started with nothing and are ending with nothing. I wont make that mistake again. But it irks me big time that when we talk this way we are labeled "gold diggers" and "snobs" among other things. But hey....if these guys can want skinny, young, toned women...I'm going to get my well established, well balanced, mature man!