Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Hi everyone,
Some of you know that my daughter was due with twins and today she delivered them by C-section. Audrey was delivered 1st and weighed 6 lbs. 5 oz. and Anthony was born a few mins. later at 5 lbs. 12 oz. Big babies for early twins! They are healthy and did not need to go to ICU. My daughter did great too! I saw all of them and all is wonderful.
However, the hard part was that my STBX showed up as a surprise for my daughter and it ruined a happy day for me. We saw each other (after a long time) in her hospital room and he didn't even say hello. I did and he mumbled back a hello. Then for the next hour he totally ignored me and when he left he didn't even say goodbye to me. He just kissed the baby I was holding and left. I was so devastated that he treated me as a non-person after being with him for 40 years. I started crying and my daughter told me that I have been strong and to keep it up. I hated that this had to affect one of the best days of her life. But he has been so hurtful to me and I still can't believe it is the same husband who seemed to care and love me so much just a few months ago.
He is visiting again Sat. and Sun. and will stay at a motel but this will ruin the weekend when my daughter comes home from the hospital. He will be at her house and I don't want to have to leave like I did during his last visit with her. I am living with her for now. But it is torture to see him and be treated as if I wasn't even in the room. It took every ounce of strength within me not to ask him why he is being like this and could we not even have some sort of conversation? How long will this torture continue? He wants to move to the same city next year so he can be near our daughter and grandkids. I wish he would move to the moon or disappear completely. Just when I feel a little better he appears and I go back to the beginning of this rollercoaster. I know I have said this so many times but I still don't know why I am getting divorced and why he hates me so. A few months ago he and I bought appliances for our new home and he brought me breakfast in bed before I went to work. What could have happened? Since he told my sister that he has been unhappy for a long time why did he do those things? He told my daughter that he was "trying". But I never knew that he was not happy and so I cannot figure these things out. I have thought that maybe it was guilt because he was involved with someone else but he always came home after work and never worked "late".
Please advise me what I should do. I am struggling to stay positive and begin a new life without him but I think I still love him and wish this was a bad dream.
Thanks to all of you,
Donna
Some of you know that my daughter was due with twins and today she delivered them by C-section. Audrey was delivered 1st and weighed 6 lbs. 5 oz. and Anthony was born a few mins. later at 5 lbs. 12 oz. Big babies for early twins! They are healthy and did not need to go to ICU. My daughter did great too! I saw all of them and all is wonderful.
However, the hard part was that my STBX showed up as a surprise for my daughter and it ruined a happy day for me. We saw each other (after a long time) in her hospital room and he didn't even say hello. I did and he mumbled back a hello. Then for the next hour he totally ignored me and when he left he didn't even say goodbye to me. He just kissed the baby I was holding and left. I was so devastated that he treated me as a non-person after being with him for 40 years. I started crying and my daughter told me that I have been strong and to keep it up. I hated that this had to affect one of the best days of her life. But he has been so hurtful to me and I still can't believe it is the same husband who seemed to care and love me so much just a few months ago.
He is visiting again Sat. and Sun. and will stay at a motel but this will ruin the weekend when my daughter comes home from the hospital. He will be at her house and I don't want to have to leave like I did during his last visit with her. I am living with her for now. But it is torture to see him and be treated as if I wasn't even in the room. It took every ounce of strength within me not to ask him why he is being like this and could we not even have some sort of conversation? How long will this torture continue? He wants to move to the same city next year so he can be near our daughter and grandkids. I wish he would move to the moon or disappear completely. Just when I feel a little better he appears and I go back to the beginning of this rollercoaster. I know I have said this so many times but I still don't know why I am getting divorced and why he hates me so. A few months ago he and I bought appliances for our new home and he brought me breakfast in bed before I went to work. What could have happened? Since he told my sister that he has been unhappy for a long time why did he do those things? He told my daughter that he was "trying". But I never knew that he was not happy and so I cannot figure these things out. I have thought that maybe it was guilt because he was involved with someone else but he always came home after work and never worked "late".
Please advise me what I should do. I am struggling to stay positive and begin a new life without him but I think I still love him and wish this was a bad dream.
Thanks to all of you,
Donna
He will just be the grandpa that visits while you live with these wonderful little babies.
I am sorry your ex is making things so uncomfortable for you. That is just childish of him. :(