Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

My spouse says there is nothing left

barnmaidbren
barnmaidbren
21 years and he says I make no effort in our relationship so there's nothing left. I am the wife of an alcoholic drug addict porn addict excetera I have been through hell and back and yet I have stayed and seen him through recovery. Now suddenly I'm not enough for him I'm not doing enough he says. he's only been sober one year perhaps I'm just exhausted and finally at rest but he doesn't see that he only sees what I don't do for him very frustrating. I don't want the marriage to end because I don't think it's the right thing for either of us. I honestly think he just wants a new toy to play withand bashing me give him some sort of justification. I am at a loss and so very tired.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Just hugs, everyone has said it so well. You cannot carry the load. I have tried it for 25 years and failed. Even my parish priest told me to give my head a good shake. What was I doing to myself and what was I teaching my children. Please be gentle with yourself. Yes, the heartache is horrible but you will survive.
kamary
kamary
Big hugs from me, too. My ex checked out twenty years before I decided I couldn't bear it any longer. At least your stbx has put his intentions into words. Mine was cruel enough to continue saying he loved me as he let me go, I found out about the ow a couple of months later!

I want to tell you I do not regret the divorce one bit. I'm sad the ex wasn't the man I thought he was and I'm sorry my dreams of the future won't happen. However, I am so so glad I don't live with him any more. You will hurt. You will be sad. You'll go through all the painful processes of divorce and grief, but one day you'll realise you are lucky you're not stuck there any more.

Love and hugs
kamary
KRKing911
KRKing911
Welcome, and I'm so very sorry that you find yourself in this place. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but everything will be ok. All of us here have been through it and completely understand. My ex and I were together for 30 years and he's a high functioning alcoholic, serial cheat and porn addict.

It's not easy, but when you distance yourself and go no contact with abusive people, you can heal. I highly suggest you first find a very good lawyer and then a good therapist, who specializes in emotional abuse. I'm sure you'll be suffering from some sort of CPTSD or such.

Don't be afraid - fear of change and the unknown is what's in you right now. But, believe me - there is a good life after divorce even though it may not be something you have wanted. I used to say to myself - God did for me, what I could not do for myself - when my ex took off with his AP and left the girls and I.

Sending you all the support you need. You found a good place here.
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