Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Many emotions, many heartaches. I keep wanting to keep my hope up but I know it's over. She cheated on me and says she loves him. I can't accept that yet. My sleep is not too well and my heart is aching for my only true love for over 23yrs. My mind keeps thinking about the day we met and where we dated first time. What more can I say.
You're younger then I am, but never the less 23 years is a long time and the pain is the same .
I was married for 38 years and my wife (X) did the same thing to me ..... met an old boyfriend from college and ran off. Loved him and cared for him more then me. It has been 5 years since the first time she left.
You know it's just not easy to deal with that. I'm better now (Still have my moments) and remarried.
I know what you are feeling right now..........it's not good ...I know !!!
Here's what i can tell you from my experience it may or may not help you.
First of all........We always say why........ How could she..... they my friend,,,,, something happens in their mind and they just change.... it's like over night..... could switch that fast It's hard for us to believe that they could change so fast and loose all feelings for us .......YET, it's true..... It happened to me and now (I'm sorry ) it's happening to you . I tried to change her mind ,but it was useless ..she wasn't there anymore.
Same body..........different person ,
Stay close to your sons...... Close to your friends. Don't keep talking to them about what's going on or how hurt that you are feeling Once in a while is fine but not constantly . they will get tired of hearing it. Just love them .over and over .tell them you love them ....
you need a therapist .It's important to get one.... Church support groups are good too.
You're going to meet other people there that you will bond with and it's some (S) to share all those feelings with . AGAIN ! not to much with friends and family.
My pycirotrist prescribed some anti depressants and anxiety pills for me when I got to the point that it hurt to bad. They worked. It pulled me through the really rough times of feeling bad. I recommend them or having them , just in case.
Hot showers are always good..... Writing down you feelings or a letter to your wife expressing everything is good to .. Don't send it to her just write everything down keep it ...
The good and the bad..... I know that it's probably the worst time in you life. (It was for me ) but.... Reality and the truth is.... there are still many good things in your life... Your children and other family members that love you .care for you. You're alive !!!!
A fellow once told me in the very beginning that my wife (X) first left . ......... ((( Take care of yourself..... don't do or say anything bad to your wife... It's in Gods hands now.... We /you can't change her.
Of course if you a religious man ..pray a lot .....ask God to give you the strength to go on ,to understand.
Ask God to show you the way.... Go to church..... everyday if you must ! If you're not religious then I suggest that you look into it ..... I was a so, so religious person Believed , but didn't go to church . I know now that God helped me get through it .......
Sooooooooooooo, Do your best..... Cry if you must ..It's ok for a man to cry too.
Stay here on D&S.. Many good people here that will listen and offer advice.
Get to that therapist as soon as you can .....
Ok............. you're not alone ..We're all here with you .....
Hopefully( My new friend) .take care .... Timeman