I know what you are going through, its going to be hard. I am sorry. one minute at a time thats all I could do.

Don't despair.....tomorrow is another day........

Giving you hugs. Yes, it is hard,but you will get through this;one step at a time.

Let yourself feel it even though it's horrible. Getting your sadness out is better than letting it fester inside. Big hugs.

Kamary is right. You have to face the pain and anger. After 9 months of separation, I'm just starting to understand how to deal with all of the anger that I pent up inside of me for 25 years. My counselor suggested writing the x letters and then burning them to acknowledge and release the consuming anger that I've been feeling. I'm willing to try it because I want this pain and anger gone from my life! Hang in there!
Hugs,
T.

Gocubbies:
What you are experiencing now is the first stage of GRIEF -- the "idolization" stage. When we are blindsided, our consciousness has this auto-response which involves only remembering what we WANT to remember, and that is usually memories of the best times in your relationship. This, too, shall pass.

There are many stages of grief (as when a loved one dies) but they are very, very similar to the stages we go through when faced with the end of a long-term marriage.

If you look through this area of DS, you will find a picture called "The Grief Wheel" which someone posted awhile back. Print it out, if you can, and look at it each day as you move through this early stage. I believe it will help you tremendously to understand the rollercoaster of emotions you are just beginning to experience. Get yourself into session with a qualified counselor or licensed therapist, as that will help you care for yourself emotionally. An attorney will protect you financially.

We're all here to help you and most of us have been exactly where you are right now. Hang in there, my friend. It will get better.

This is the most painful, paralyzing time of all, i was there and thought i would surely die of heart break! I didn't some how thank God and two years later i'm thriving when i never thought i would be.
I am sorry you are going through this , one day at a time, hour by hour, minute by minute you will get past this.
hugs

I'm so sorry that your going through this, but please know that you will get through it. None of us asked to be here but yet, here we are. We are lucky to have each other to cry to and to talk to and to vent to. You will find lots of good advice and support.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now and you feel like you'd do anything to make it better. It's heart breaking, but you will get through it and you will be wiser, stronger and smarter because of it.

Sending you lots of support.

Yep, it sucks. It will for awhile, then you'll have days when it doesn't. Then it will, then it won't. Please visit here often, and try journaling.
I'm 8+ months into it-it DOES get better.
Hugs to you-sorry you are in this pain

May you find peace today! This is a terrible process and though it takes a while you will come out the other side. Do try the journaling and make sure you take care of yourself- love yourself - think of all your good qualities that you have to give the world and that she is now missing.
(((Hugs)))

I'm so sorry your heart is heavy. It does get better with time. After I found out last Fall that my STBX had a short-lived fling, I too had a very heavy heart. I did try to forgive and forget and tried giving him a second chance. I gave it another six months when I realized, I couldn't forget. Not with everything else that was wrong in our relationship. I have forgiven which will help us to have a fairly good relationship to support our kiddos together.
I feel that my decision to go on with the divorce is the best one I've made in a long time. I am on meds for anxiety and I've realized that I;ve not had any anxiety issues since I made the decision to go on with the divorce.

I understand how you're feeling. Your emotions are very normal. You've been blindsided and are dealing with the emotional fall out.

Please talk to a doc and get sleep meds to help you right now. Taking care of your physical self is step one in this process. Eat, sleep, get exercise (even if it's just a walk), reach out to friends, get counseling--all will help you first these first few days and weeks of shock.

Do talk to an attorney. Right now you are vulnerable to manipulation from your wife. Remember, she has had time to detach and work through her grief. She will not be looking out for your best interests, only her own.

Sending hugs!

Hugs cubbie...you are in the early stages of this nightmare called divorce. Its a very tough time. I have not had to deal with anything more difficult than divorce especially if its not what you wanted. There are so many forced changes that brings up all kinds of hurtful emotions. You will feel fine one day and fall to the depths of despair the next...thats the roller coaster we talk about. We've all been there. It is normal to go through this. Great advise already given and I cant add much more other than to emphasize the need to see a therapist...its a decision you will not regret. Hang in there cubbie...it wont be like this forever and you can count on...better days are coming...Big Hugs...Kathy

Thanks everyone for the support. I just got a new mailbox with a lock on it and tomorrow talking to an attorney. Thank God I'm on vacation from my full time job this week so I can focus on whats needed to be done. Please give me help on anything you can think of that would have made your divorce easier.
Again all of you THANK YOU!!!!

Getting the atty is the first thing, and I also suggest a good counselor.
Also, always feel free to ask questions here-there is a wealth of information from those who have been where we are.