Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
As I read many of the posts here, what I hope and pray for all of you is passage of time because it is only that that will truly free you from the pain of divorce. I am now 8 years post divorce and, with each year, the memories of that horrible time have faded and are now just a closed chapter of my life.
I thought of this as on Sunday, I was visiting with my XMIL. She brought up the first time her son introduced me to her and her dh (now passed). I remembered that day as well. It saddened me when I thought of those 2 young people...so much in love. I could tell it made her sad as well. She knows I never stopped loving her son, but that it was HE who changed from being that person I fell in love with. I never did. My love never waivered and I told her I did everything in my power to keep our marriage going. Through her tears, she said she knows. But, what I realized during our visit that, we even laughed a little bit at those young people who couldn't keep their hands off each other, it was no longer painful. Sad...yes. Painful, no. I told her now that it is my daughters I feel badly for...being part of a broken family. She agreed.
Sorry for rambling. I just want to hug each and every one of you and bring you some reassurance that there WILL come a day that the pain will ease. I told my XMIL that I will always mourn the family that WAS and that I never wanted our family to be broken and she understood and agreed. I was her daughter for so long. The divorce hurt her as well. But, I can sit here now and remember those young people without feeling pain....just a tinge of sadness.
My heart goes out to all here who are in the initial stages of this life-changing journey, but, like me...I have no doubt you will make it out the other side stronger than ever before.
HUGSSS and much love to you all,
MJ
I thought of this as on Sunday, I was visiting with my XMIL. She brought up the first time her son introduced me to her and her dh (now passed). I remembered that day as well. It saddened me when I thought of those 2 young people...so much in love. I could tell it made her sad as well. She knows I never stopped loving her son, but that it was HE who changed from being that person I fell in love with. I never did. My love never waivered and I told her I did everything in my power to keep our marriage going. Through her tears, she said she knows. But, what I realized during our visit that, we even laughed a little bit at those young people who couldn't keep their hands off each other, it was no longer painful. Sad...yes. Painful, no. I told her now that it is my daughters I feel badly for...being part of a broken family. She agreed.
Sorry for rambling. I just want to hug each and every one of you and bring you some reassurance that there WILL come a day that the pain will ease. I told my XMIL that I will always mourn the family that WAS and that I never wanted our family to be broken and she understood and agreed. I was her daughter for so long. The divorce hurt her as well. But, I can sit here now and remember those young people without feeling pain....just a tinge of sadness.
My heart goes out to all here who are in the initial stages of this life-changing journey, but, like me...I have no doubt you will make it out the other side stronger than ever before.
HUGSSS and much love to you all,
MJ
startingover - I know what you mean about feeling like you got "kicked out"of your family. I feel like that sometimes. I have a great relationship with my kids, but I feel replaced in my in-law family which was like my second family for 26 years. I'm glad you spoke to your daughter about your feelings and that she changed her plans to spend more time with you. None of this post-divorce stuff is easy. As long as there are children and grandchildren involved, the effects will always be with us.
Why not go to your daughters every second year? That could be a new tradition, too.
I have always made the tree decorating a special thing. These days, my DD2 and three GS come wearing elf shoes and reindeer antlers at the beginning of December. We have rum balls and soft drink, and I play kid's cds of Christmas music that we used to play when my kids were small. DD2 loves this tradition and is now the instigator:) We all love it.
My ex has never enjoyed Christmas. He is a non-believer (that in itself makes for a relationship challenge!) He used to complain that I spent too much, that I decorated too much, that I went to too much trouble to have the house and the food ready, yet it was my family tradition which I loved. I am once again free to worship and celebrate Christmas without his sour face, and I love it!!!
love and hugs
kamary