Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
There are times when I just shake my head and wonder what this world is coming to. First I saw the description on Dr. Phil yesterday of the Ashley Madison website. Are you kidding me? A dating service for people who want to cheat?
Then there is Dan Marino who announces on his 28th anniversary that he has been involved in an affair (for years) with a young co-worker. In fact, he has a 5 yr old child (not sure of the age) from this affair, paid the woman a lot of money to stay quiet so he could be elected to the Football Hall of Fame without incident.
I don't know about this world and the lack of integrity in it. Could it be that so many here have experienced alienation from friends, co-workers, etc. because they secretly agree with the cheater's behavior? Have we fallen that far as a society that cheating doesn't matter?
Then there is Dan Marino who announces on his 28th anniversary that he has been involved in an affair (for years) with a young co-worker. In fact, he has a 5 yr old child (not sure of the age) from this affair, paid the woman a lot of money to stay quiet so he could be elected to the Football Hall of Fame without incident.
I don't know about this world and the lack of integrity in it. Could it be that so many here have experienced alienation from friends, co-workers, etc. because they secretly agree with the cheater's behavior? Have we fallen that far as a society that cheating doesn't matter?
Misred said: People seem to never be satisfied with what they have...always want more or what the other guy has...only once they got it...they want more or something else.
Amen sister! I feel very strongly that always wanting MORE MORE MORE and not being content is the catalyst for many of western society's ills.
Relative to cheating, this comment immediately brought back a comment that a male friend (husband of my friend) said to me about what 'happened' to my marriage. Essentially, what he said was this: 'He had a beautiful, loving wife, three great, healthy kids, a lovely home, successful career.....but he wanted more'.
Yep. That always stuck with me. He had it all. But it wasn't enough. Just not content. Why is love and commitment NOT ENOUGH? Why is monogomous sex with a loving partner in a committed relationship not enough? Yes, in some sense we are animals still. But we are more than that! We are human beings who choose to live within civil societies. We have self-awareness and higher consciousness. It's the ideal to propagate within a familial structure and to protect same. But some will choose to disrespect this. Reject it.
Cheaters are weak willed and lack a moral code. But essentially, they are not content. They want more. If a person can compromise his/ her moral centre (if the person has one to begin with) what else will they compromise on? If you are in a sexless marriage (not uncommon I hear) and you can't fix it, then get out and find someone AFTER. The idea of staying just delays the inevitable. Cheating fixes nothing. It ruins lives, including for the person who CHOSE the cheat I'm betting. I have no idea if my stbx is happy but from what I read on here from members who've been around for a long time, the cheater rarely ends up 'happier'.
There is not enough support and information in our societies to help people through moral dilemmas related to saving marriages. Many people really believe that divorce is a simple solution to marriage 'problems'. I agree that divorce is too readily available and not PUNITIVE enough for the one who causes the damage.
Would LOVE to know the negative financial repercussions of divorce where infidelity is the cause. Must be billions.
"THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT".
Cheaters have a kink in their hoses.
When I worked a bar for family I saw the cheaters. 2/3's of the fights I had were caused by cheating. Someone got caught cheating and they all ended up in my bar on a weekend and the fight was on.
The preacher of the largest church in town who came through the door of one of our bars with a fifth of vodka in his hand after Wednesday night church. He tried to put the make on every waitress working. He ran off with the richest woman in the church and left his wife and kids for the church to care for.
I finally refused to tell the wives that called that their husbands weren't in my bar. I told the husbands if I see you I tell her you are here. When the phone would ring they would duck under the table so I wouldn't have to lie. Yes, they cheated too.
The guys that have worked on this farm. Most of them are married and made hints that I ignored. I won't cross that line I have drawn and there is one man that won't work on this farm ever again. He would brag about cheating on his wife.
My father cheated, my mother cheated, sisters and brother cheated. I used to say I lived in a Peyton Place type enviroment. I don't know why I never cheated. I guess I saw too much of it and the harm it caused. Both husbands cheated. So it not a sudden epidemic; maybe we are just more aware of it because we are the ones that were cheated on.