Are there people who think that cheating only matters if it is happening to you in your own relationship? (A kind of Darwinism of relationships - survival of the fittest)

Oh bother. YUCK! I read Lyndsy Lohan's father just had another child with his fiancee. This is something like....his 6th child???? The article went on to talk about other half siblings of Lyndy's some born while he was married to someone else. What woman in her right mind would want to have a child with that man?

One does have to wonder at times. I heard of another cheater in my town yesterday.

I wonder if people side with the cheaters because they've done it themselves or want to do it themselves, and they blame the person who's being cheated on - for being negative, boring, bitchy, for looking sideways, whatever excuse they can come up with.

Cheating's not new. In the days of arranged marriages and "no divorce" rules, cheating happened. Even Charlie had, and now has, his Camilla.

I can understand a one-off under the influence of drugs or alcohol, but I can't come to grips with making the calculated choice to cheat.

I understand from what I hear in the news, that the intake of alcohol and incidence of alcohol-related accidents etc are very high, especially amongst the young. I know many adults who can't survive without their daily wines/beers etc. My ex used to drink daily and I'm here to tell you, it changed his personality.

I suspect the demise of our old religions may have contributed to an increase in the visibility of cheating. Without the footbreak of having to answer to God, many people do not have the personal fortitude and strong sense of self that's required to make a good choice under duress.

I'm saddened to hear that there's a website for cheaters, but I'm afraid cheating venues and avenues are not new. It's just out where we can see it now :(

None of it makes it right. It just is.

I think it's more about feeling in power or having some kind of power more than about the sex.

There's a thought, Misred. People who cheat do other things that show their thirst for power, too, like that Dan Marino guy.

I've read recently that some men can't deal with the intimacy of their relationships with their wives. They cant' deal with the thought that their partner knows about their secret feelings of lack of self-worth. They go looking for outside shallow relationships so they can pretend to be 'together', confident, funny, warm, etc.

Yep, that's a good recipe for going out looking for power elsewhere.

I do not watch Dr Phil.. and the Ashley Madison site has been around forever, it is in based in Canada if I remember, at least 10 years,started in or around 2000. There are others also.. and these are not quite dating sites, but a hookup site. It is for people that want to have sex outside of marriage, or with married people. Or are not married and looking for someone to have sex with.

I saw it on 20/20 or some show as such, for some reason I remember I was running on a treadmill and stopped running, sothis must have been 2002 or so! I am sure Oprah did a show on him and his site, like she always does, usually old news! IT would not exist or still be there if people did not pay and use it.. and you do pay.

This has been going on forever. There are all kinds of sexual kinks, hook ups, and the internet just makes it easier. Swingers are nothing new.. remember the 60's. I am by no means naive or a prude, but today, people know and do things that I did not know about until I was 30!

I think that trying to figure out why people cheat or do anything like that, is futile. Greater minds than ours have tried to figure it out and never can. Remember the Romans, it goes way back to the start of civilization. People like to have sex with other people. Sometimes it is just as simple as that..

I think cheating is just proof that the male of our species isn't as far evolved as the females. Somewhere in our gene pool there must still be a pretty strong instict for the males to breed as many females as possible to guarantee continuation of the line.

While my comment may explain the behavior of the MEN, it does NOT explain the reason why more and more women are cheating in this day and age. I believe that, is in part, due to the backlash of the sexual revolution of the 1960's, the Womens Lib movement of the 70's and a general decline in the morality of people in the U.S. over the past 40 years or so.

The book "The Script: The 100% Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat" offers some very good insights on why male cheating seems so epidemic in our society (particularly the first and last chapters). A MUST READ!

I've become very vocal on the issue of cheating. Previous to my own situation, about 12 years ago, I covered for my cousin who was cheating on her husband. I wasn't comfortable with it, but she was my cousin and best friend at the time. I knew she couldn't end her marriage and she wanted to get caught, so her husband at the time would be forced to break up the marriage. Well, she got caught and the rest is history.

My cousin is married for a second time, but not with the guy with whom she was cheating. The man she had cheated with was married as well and once he was caught, he decided to work on his marriage. Maybe the affair saved his marriage and made it stronger - who knows.

Anyhow, with being involved with Divorce Care with 3 different groups, apparently, cheating, especially in long-term marriages, is very commonplace today. It is disgusting how many people, men or women, don't have morals. Even if your children are grown, it still devastates the families, his as well as mine. There are many repercussions for years to come.

I've been angry at any of our mutual friends who have socialized with the ex's girlfriend. The girlfriend knew he was married. The OW had been a FB friend of his for at least a year before I kicked the stbx out. As a matter of fact, I think my stbx was a friend of the OW and her husband when we were first dating. I'm still finding out info about her. It doesn't upset me anymore. I'm at the point that I feel sorry for her and she can have him.

I'm appalled at the Ashley Madison website. A newly acquired female friend told me about this website and others as well about a year ago. I would have never imagined such a website existed. I had believed that if I wouldn't think of cheating that neither would my stbx.

I will not accept anyone's OW or OM. In fact, if I find out that a friend has cheated, I will not keep my mouth shut. If my friend continues to cheat after I voice my feelings, then I can no longer maintain my friendship with that person. This is how I feel after my own experience.

I notice that most people don't want to get involved and feel like it's none of their business, but I feel if more people said to their friends that this is unacceptable, then maybe people would think of the consequences of losing friends and family, etc., before cheating. I feel as though there is no accountability today and there should be.

I also took a stand against domestic violence once I found out that my ex brother- in-law of 20 years, had started to hit my sister. I had no idea. It was going on for years before my gut told me that something wasn't right in my sister's marriage. I was very close with my brother-in-law. We have no brothers, so I considered him my brother.

The brother-in-law, at that time, was on a softball team with my stbx and other friends from our neighborhood. I flipped out on the softball team telling them they should have told my brother-in-law that
a real man doesn't hit a woman and they should have kicked him off the team. I got the usual we don't know what goes on behind closed doors, etc.

Well, my sister is a mere 100 pounds and my brother-in-law was over 200 pounds. Most of the members on the team knew my sister since childhood and knew that my sister would not lie nor make up a story such as this.

If I found out anyone was hitting their significant other, I gave them a piece of my mind and discontinued my association with them. I guess it had to get personal in order for me to become so aware. I am striving to become more aware of problems in this world and take a stand on them.

BROKEN people [married or not] like to have sex with multiple partners. BROKEN people uses sex and adulterates others for their " feel good drug" often preludes to fallen societies. Great minds of philosophy, religion, and science know plenty about the dynamics of behavior. There's tons of data of behavioral modification out there that is very predictable and repeatable. Despite the knowledge we know, to sin or not , is still based on "free will" and greatly depends on who /what one listens to [or not]. Proper mentoring is a start. There is plenty we all can do.

I'm beginning to think that more and more, cheating doesn't matter. There seems to be this feeling of "Well, if it's not happening to me, why should I worry about it." Society used to look down on cheaters, but now they are glorified on the nightly news and in entertainment programs. Most states are moving to no-fault divorce so there's not really any penalty for cheating.

I'm deeply disturbed about websites like the Ashley Madison site. I watched the Dr. Phil program and saw the smug look of the man who felt the site was okay--it just turned my stomach. He seemed to feel that he was doing nothing wrong providing this service. I felt so sorry for those unknowing spouses whose cheating spouse may be using this Ashley Madison site. The guy justified it as sort of "this cheater gets fulfillment and the spouse at home doesn't find out so everyone is happy in the end." This is the most warped thinking I've ever seen; it is such selfish thinking, but I think it is reinforced by the societal view of "do what makes you happy--follow your bliss." More and more we seem to be a society that says we should never be unhappy, we should feel good every day and so people buy into that and toss things like integrity and honor out the window.

Hurtin' I wanted to knock the smug look off his face (and I'm NOT a violent person). I don't agree with some that we are just animals. I believe (no I know) that we will answer to our maker for this moral garbage. Beyond that, I believe this morality creates a joy and peace in our lives that they will NEVER know. Absolutely their loss. If we buy into the garbage, we will find ourselves as morally bankrupt as them. Yes, there is an us and them, a good and evil. Don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise!

its because we live in a "me first" society...which is actually a "sign of the times" and "lack of natural affection" in the bible. From a psychological aspect, men cheat because they need constant ego stroking. Women cheat because they need to feel worthy.

It baffles me the emotional damage one has to have in order to justify cheating from either angle. (cheater or cheatee) In my world view....if a person is truly unhappy and hopeless in their marriage, they should divorce BEFORE forging a new relationship. But I seem to be in the minority with that thought.

I actually have a friend (divorced due to her cheating husband) who said to me after I expressed my disapproval with her own affair years later with a married man...."they all cheat. I was cheated on. We just have to learn to accept it".

You're absolutely right. I totally agree with you about the peace and joy of morality. I know that my ex is unhappy; he fights with his family and argues with everyone. I think deep down he is unhappy because he knows that he made an immoral decision to cheat and you can't run from that guilt.

So often any more it seems there are NO moral people in the world. When I meet someone who values their marriage it's a surprise.

I don't watch television and programs like the one who featured such a story is the primary reason I had the satellite disconnected several years ago.

DebbieLeo - I COMMEND YOU for taking a stand and stepping in to say your piece when you are morally outraged. I'm with you - if MORE PEOPLE did the same thing, perhaps it would make a difference. I'm especially with you on the states that have gone to No-Fault divorce. But even in the states that DO allow Adultery as grounds, you have to know the law and have a good lawyer to argue that you are ENTITLED to extra financial compensation IF you can prove it.

After reading Hurtinandhealin's comment, I have to ask Whatever Happened to the Moral MAJORITY in this country? Are they all dead?

When I become the Queen of Everything, Adultery will feared all across the land! An IMMEDIATE divorce will be granted and the cheater will forfeit 90% of the marital assets AND pay hefty permanent Alimony! If there aren't any assets, the convicted cheater will go to jail (or be on house arrest) and do work-release, picking up trash along the highways and scrubbing public toilets. What the penal system pays them will go straight to the X.

If the convicted cheater has a job, but doesn't make enough to pay the permanent alimony, their work release will be performed from quitting time on Friday until Sunday night. Our highways will be trash-free and public toilets will be a LOT cleaner!