Cantstay, you mentioned the comments "you didn't stay in the house?"

I couldn't wait to get out of that beautiful house that I designed myself. I felt like a prisoner there, too. I spent more time unhappy there than at any other time in my life. I also cleaned till my fingers wore away. I did the bookwork for our business at home while he worked from the shop down town. I spent a lot of lonely hours in my house wondering where he was and why he wasn't at home much. I had most of my meals alone. He left early and came home late. I would watch him riding or driving down the driveway and out of my life so many times that I reached the point where I thought I may as well BE living alone. I realised that I was already living alone AND taking care of someone who didn't care what happened to me or how I felt.

During the last few months I lived with the ex, I hated going home. I would find all sorts of excuses to be away from the house and my heart would sag every time I started the long drive up the driveway to that house.

I am so much happier now.

love and hugs
kamary

I hear it constantly. And it is always a trigger. So I am selling my house and cutting all my past ties. Feels so much better and allowing me to heal and move on.

It just embarrasses me further that I poured my soul into a loser and that everyone else saw it but me.

One thing that I learned to do, was to say I really do not want to hear about what he is doing. I have no contact with the ex and have not for 5 years! We do not have kids of course, that helps. My friends, even my lawyer would ask me, do you hear anything about him. I have little information, and I don't care.. I wish him no ill will, I have no anger or hidden agenda. I hope he well. What I learned to do is to say early on , about a year after the divorce was to put my hand up and say Stop.. I paid a lot of money to get divorced, I am thriving and I really do not want know, I am happy, hope he is! Many people just don't get that!

As to the stupid things people say, and believe me, divorce seems to make people feel they can ask stupid things or things that are none of their business! Things like who gets divorced after 28 years you were such a successful couple. Answer you'd be surprised how many people baby boomers are divorced after 25 years. Or how about was he cheating.. my answer, no buy did you ever think I may have? I did not, but that shuts them up. Or how about, He gave you the house? No I bought back my own house by buying him out. Really get a brain I feel like saying. Unless you have walked the divorce road, some people really do not get it.

The best thing to do is go live well. AND friends will be jealous of that too!

My X ran away to another state. Pretty much dumped me and the kids and all his aquaintances from the past 27 years.
If he does keep in contact with anyone, the only thing they will know is the 'fake' info he gives them. regardless of what he thinks his whole life is a sham.
so, I'm lucky

MsTerey your story reminded me of a so-called 'friend' who used to try to tell me what my ex and the ow were doing. I told her I wasn't interested in knowing what they're doing and would prefer it if she didn't talk about them at all. It shut her up on the spot and she didn't do it again. Needless to say, I eventually decided I didn't need a 'friend' like her.

They would not dare. They know better than to report to me what he is or is not doing. I do not care. The one time some one tried. I just said what are you his social secretary. If you think that will upset me, think again and tell him that you saw me happy and contend without him. Then I started laughing. So just smile and slowly walk away. The tears are for when you are alone, just like I did.

My own father recently told me that they knew my marriage would not last about two years into it. they saw that he had no interest in our kids, that he was selfish and self centered.

But they could see that I didn't see it, I was a single parent in a marriage doing 100% of the parenting and household stuff with a husband that brought home a paycheck.

My father said for years his heart was breaking because he could see the love I had for my family, for my kids and for my husband, he could see the effort I put into my marriage and new he did nothing.

While I understand why he felt like he couldn't say anything then knowing I was in love, and not knowing if we would make it or not. I am also angry that he let me waste so much of life when he saw over a decade of my marriage dying.

Momto22001 - I hear that. I too feel like I too was the only one in the marriage, but I just didn't see it.

momto22001, why would you blame your father? Had he spoken up would you have taken it well or tried harder to show people they were wrong. I had naysayers too and all it did was make me want to prove them wrong. And you know what? Over 20 years is a lot longer than any of our other friends' marriages so I think we must of done SOMETHING right. (((HUGS))) so we don't get the happy ending...but we don't have a foot in the grave either.

momto, my parents never said anything either. You know what though. I think they were wise. Wise enough to know that I wouldn't or couldn't have listened (because I felt like I needed to keep my family intact). Wise enough to know that it may have produced a barrier between them and me while I continued my marriage. And finally wise enough to know that the barrier that could have been produced by their revelation would keep me from reaching out to them. As it turned out, only my Dad was left during the whole ordeal and he was able to help some but then he passed away. One of my worst regrets is that I did not get to be with my parents after the divorce. There are times when I realize I don't have anyone who wishes to "take care of me." I know it sounds funny because I am really quite self-sufficient but just the thought that someone would be out there ready to help if something went really wrong. Don't allow any part of the ordeal with the ex to come between your parents and you. Time with them is precious and they may not be there tomorrow!

My parents chose not to continue seeing my ex after I left him. Over the years, their visits to our house became less and less, to the point where I thought they didn't want to see me. My parents are the kind of people who mind their own business, so they would never have said anything in a million years. I wonder if they were uncomfortable around my ex?

When we divorced, his parents wanted me in their lives while my parents chose to let him go. Pretty telling?

Yep, his parents still see and communicate with me, my parents are cordial if they run into him somewhere but they don't have any contact with him outside of that. Like Kamary, I think that says a lot without saying anything.