Yes. Remember last year at so-and-so's party-he was texting an awful lot and then took that call. No, I hadn't really thought anything of it. Etc Etc Etc

Feel free to ramble-I have been there.

yeah...it sucks. I stop them and say I am trying to put all that behind me and that type of info stirs things up. Past is in the past and I want it to stay that way. They usually comply.

i usually just tell them right off I kicked his ass to the curb cause I was tired of his lying cheating ass. Shuts them down real quick. lol

Oh my gosh I can so relate! I had a friend we have known forever tell me that she was sorry but she really didn't think it would work out for us like 20 years ago....I was like WTH! I was so proud of myself and answered ..Really, that is weird as we thought it would and we lived it every day! So glad you shared this information with me now that he cheated and blew up our family!!! I walked away with her jaw still on the ground!!!

Not sure why people don't get this part!

Ramble on all you want!

Hugs!

Sometimes well meaning people should just keep their mouth shut. Everytime someone try's to offer me helpful advice on something that is beyond my financial capacity I ask them if they are going to pay for it. Shuts them up everytime lol.Please try not to let these types get to you ntoo much. They really don't have a clue what they are saying to you could be upsetting.

HA, Ya, I've heard that.
One time "Not to long ago a once dear old friend of ours for 30 something years ,wrote to me in an email that she
had dinner with my x and her sister yesterday. (She didn't say x, she said her name)
I didn't say anything , but why the f-ck would she tell me that .
anyway ,it sent a trigger to me . they are all sitting around like nothing happened . This friend must condone what my x did. Run off in the middle of the night to meet an old boy friend. This same friend and her husband (A once close friend of mine ,I thought) was never there for me when I needed them . I tried to get back with them and put the past behind me ,but ……….. I couldn’t… I can’t … So let them all be together……….. Whatever !!!
I also get a lot from people that we use to know always say : OH, how is ---- (x) doing. Or where is she living ??? . I say : I don’t know…….. They act surprised that I don’t know ……….
One time I heard from my x that an old friend of ours said to her :
I’m surprised that you lasted that long. .. My God !!! 38 years !!!!
This is the same x friend that I paid $45.00 for two tickets to a Christmas concert and then he got mad that I didn’t ride in his car to the concert . Turned around and went home never went to the concert. … I never talked to him again after that. At the time he no money and I thought that he and his wife would appreciate that ,,,,,, He’s the same person that told my wife about us lasting so long together.
And I have more stories ………… Bla- Bla -bla….
See, you’re not the only one that can ramble on……….
It would be best for these people to stay away from me .
That’s why I don’t go to my Grandchildren’s birthday parties by my son house .. I’m always afraid that I’m going to loose it with her (My x) family and explode ….. All that it would take is for anyone of them to say the wrong thing ………. Better that I don’t go … I’ll try to have my own party with them …
Amen …………… I don’t know …PEOPLE !!!!!

One more ………. (Sorry ) ….. One time I ran into my x and she started to tell me that she finally made it to Charlestown S.C . .That’s the place that we (Together ) always wanted to go and where planning on going …….
How f-cking cruel that was to tell me that . Sorry for the swearing , I don't uasaully do that .
Oh, well……………
Good night ! Timeman

Nope I didn't have to worry about that happening to me. The ex never socialized with the guys he worked with and we never went out.Going our for us was picking up a pizza, and eating it at home. I had a very manipulated, isolated life.

I never had that, but I do have people giving me "info" - and a mean spirited Kimberly sort of likes it, but then the hurt, betrayed grieving Kimberly - doesn't. It's like there are lots of little parts of me that are all in a room huddled around each other - everyone trying to make their point. LOL - I probably sound crazy saying that, but for simplicity sake - I'll say I'm full of different facets - like a diamond being born.

Yeah, that's the ticket.... I'm like a diamond being born..

Listen to your gut, not your ego - and simply tell these people the truth. You can unemotionally say, please don't bring up old memories or give me information because I'm hurting very much over this and it is not helping.

They will shut up - believe me. And, you might even make them feel a little bit of shame at the same time. Insenstive pricks.

ooops - diamonds don't talk like that...

I've had the opposite experience where the things people revealed to me were reassuring. They reinforced my conviction that I did the right thing in leaving, and that I had the right suspicions at various times although I couldn't find proof at the time. Someone confirmed that he was having an affair when I left. Someone else confirmed the affair I suspected in 1988.

I needed to know that others knew what he was like and understood my choice to leave. My exMIL called me to tell me she loved me and always would, very shortly after the separation. She had been a fountain of strength for me during the years of unhappiness when I confided in her about him, and she had confided in me about her concerns at the changes in him - how he was treating her and the things he said to her, too. I wasn't the only one on the receiving end of his verbal and emotional abuse. Being the kind of lady she is, we didn't talk about him ever again. We kept our conversations to the present and about each other and other family.

Even though I find it hurts to have to acknowledge the truth of his infidelity, it also validates me and I have desperately craved validation for a very long time.

I guess I'm fortunate I haven't had anyone tell me anything out of spite.

haha Kimbery - diamonds come from the rough, so yes, we talk like that...I love that imagine a diamond being born.and trust me...I don't mind the stories that say yes, you made the right choice you seem so much happier. It is the ones where they lend information on things I didn't know. ugh

Kamary - I too find strength in some of the comments and affirmations of me choosing the right path.

Timeman - I am sorry for the fact that your friends and family left when you needed them most. I am lucky that mine are ALL still here. The ones that make these comments are people that have been in my life but aren't really friends.

Trish - hugs I am so sorry, but I truly hope you are living a better life now!

To everyone else - keep rambling, it helps me. Your stories really do mean a lot to me right now. I am struggling.

The other one that gets me is "you didn't stay in the house? Why? I wouldn't have moved" well, guess what? You don't know because you're not in the situation. I was a prisoner in that house. Every time I left he would call and "need" something for work (he owns his own business) and I would have to go back home and then he would say never mind, it's too late now. I became a compulsive cleaner because it was never good enough..on and on, so no, I didn't stay. I am free of that now. Oh, and the fact that he had taken one of his girlfriends there on a weekend I was out of town.

This is cathartic.

Cantstay2,
First of all. Good morning .
You started a good subject here and I'm amazed at
similarities in many of the replies.
I general ,I guess that people and friends don't really know that what they say hurts us.
Like I said before .............. Their lives go on like nothing happen. Many of them think that we're over our grief or that we "should" be over it . Unless you have been through something like this (For me Divorce) they really can't imagine how it feels. If they did………. They would never say the things they do ..NEVER.
Your right cantstay2, tell them not to say things like that because it still hurts. Even then they will probably wonder what they did wrong and how crazy that we are to still feel bad. Really , I believe that.
So, where does that leave us ……….. Hhhmmmp! Maybe in a round about way ….. Victims again . Unknowingly , maybe unintentionally verbally VICTIMS.
Now I’m thinking that the pain of divorce stretches way beyond the hurt of the spouse leaving . It carried on to friends … relatives …. Co-workers …… and many more ways ……. So, we …WE the victims ( The survivors ! ) must cope and deal with all of that also . …
Boy we are great people to be able to do all of that ………….
And yes , We will be stronger ……. More loving and understanding people because we have been through some of the worst . You know ……… sometimes I think that ………. That god has chosen us to go through this for a reason ….. Maybe we’re all suppose to help other people in the same situation …….or in any of life’s trials ………MAYBE !
Have a good day ………. The best that you can ……..
Timeman

I also get more of the reaffirming discussions as Kamary gets--how my ex is acting like an idiot and an asshole with people. More often than not, I get "I can't believe you were married to this man for 28 years! How could you stand him?"

Very few offer information about his cheating. I think the people that knew are people I don't run in the same social circles with anymore. In addition, I just don't care at this point. But I know how painful it can be to hear the cheating stories and comments. My brother, whose ex cheated on him, warned me that the "cockroaches" would be coming out of the woodwork to tell all sorts of details. So far, I've been pretty and not had that. I have encountered a few ladies who I believe either had an affair with my ex or knew of his affairs. I just look them in the eye and laugh and watch them look at the floor and slink away.

Eventually, you will get to a place where you don't care anymore.

Sending hugs!

Oops--meant to say "pretty lucky and not had that."

Duh!

I live in a big City and you would think I would never run into people that know us both or our families - not. There is always someone somewhere saying something. I am getting good at just saying I don't want to talk about him and move on. It does sting, but you begin to get immune to it. People just don't know how to keep their mouths shut. They like drama.

I think people who have no clue about divorce see it as a battle. That one person is a winner the other a loser. For some weird reason they see the person keeping the martial home as a winner and that it was given over and the other person is paying for it. I considered staying there but only if it was a good fit financially. It wasn't so I moved on. He kept it but complains about it's too much house and yard for one person...DUH.

There are no winners in divorce.