Hugs my friend. It is going to be a hard road to travel on. Hang on for the emotional roller coaster ride of a lifetime. He has checked out a long time ago, that is why he seems so detached. Whatever you do, Do Not Agree or sign anything without a lawyer going over it. Take time for yourself. Go no contact as much as possible. One thing, be gentle with yourself. Cry, scream and rant if you want to. Most of all, if and when you see him, smile turn around and walk away. You do not owe him anything.

Thankyou so much-you hit the nail on the head. We are still in the same house coexcisting. I'm taking it Day by day.. I really appreciate the comments and help.

You know who you are - she's in there somewhere, you just have to find her. Robbie coexisting is tough - but you can do it. Listen to your lawyer and do exactly what they say. Did they ask you to freeze the accounts yet? If not, you might want to do that so he doesn't rob you blind.

I know it's hard - none of us envisioned being single at this age, and you are not alone. Let me tell you about being single. At first, it was very hard, but not the being single part - the loss of the dream part. Over time and after no contact, my life got peaceful, happy... I no longer had to dread what I was coming home to after a day of work. I no longer had to compromise my wants and needs and put his first. I no longer had additional dirty laundry to wash (oh and btw, if your doing his laundry - STOP!!!). Right now, after 6 years - I go where I want, when I want and I do what I want. I eat when I want, I shop when I want, I gamble when I want. I watch what I want on TV and I can watch the same thing over and over again if I want.

Being single isn't that bad at all - I have lots of gal pals to do things with and I don't mind time alone. I still have two girls @ home 21 and 27 and they can press my patience, but I seem to have more now that I'm not worried about the X or his moods.

If he wants to hang out with his single friends let him. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.... I know it hurts, I know it's not what you wanted, but I'm so glad you lawyered up! Welcome to the group btw, it's a lot smaller than it used to be, so take heart.

Another place you might like to give you strength is www.chumplady.com She's a no nonsense gal who says it just like it is and I love her!

If you need anything let us know.

Thank you for your words of support.

Hello Robbie. You already have received some very wise and helpful advice above. I totally agree with it all. I also recommend you do not make any verbal agreements what so ever...no matter how seemingly unimportant at the time. My EX is also a highly functioning alcoholic, they are so good at twisting what you say. You can avoid this going the no contact route. If he wants to do some wheeling and dealing...just say, I will consider it and leave it at that. I do understand you are both in the same house, so it will be hard. Keep the faith, you can do this. I just turned 51 and I'm here to tell you, divorce is NOT a death sentence. (((HUGS)))

Hi, well today is an ok day. While he's gone I have peace-I'm a babysitter out of my house-some are my grandchildren. I am applying again for disability-I have a lung condition. I'm gonna get certified to get paid by the state for my babysitting. We pretty much agree on deviding all the retirement acts . The only thing we disagree on is spousal support-he flipped his lid when my attorney told him it's the law and I'm gonna get it. He's mad at me and the state of Ohio-lol. He's trying to get out of it by dangling the house in front of me cause he knows I want to keep my house-it's all set up for my babysitting. I told him you started this-you wanted this-I'm just trying to survive it. I go Monday to put down my retainer and file. He's not gonna be happy about that-he wants to be in control. I really don't understand why he thinks I'm stupid and would just sign off on everything?!

Hi Robbie...welcome to the group and it sucks that you need to be here. There are some really great people on this site who have been through exactly what you are. Always great advise and support as you have already received. I am divorced to the same man twice...on the 2nd divorce I had to live with him while we went through the divorce and for 3 months afterwards...it was a hell of a different kind..so I know what you are going through.

Stay the coarse...you are doing great so far...you sought legal and emotional support. Come here to vent and stick to your guns legally. Its going to be a rough road but you will live through it and actually come out the other end stronger than you think. Big Hugs...Kathy

Thank you soooo much. The response and advice I'm getting from everyone is just awesome!!

Did anyone get a new hair style and regretted it? I need a change.

Hugs my friend. Gee I forgot, I lived with the ex for almost a year and I did nothing for him. I mean nothing. When he walked in I would stare at him. Yes, I got a new haircut, bought clothes from Value Village, brand name clothes too. Dressed up everyday, always had a smile from ear to ear. But in my heart I was crying. I never let him know it. Did I regret it, yes but it grew out. I even stopped dyeing my hair and let it go a nice silvery moon shade. Get your own credit card, one that gives you points for what you need. Open a line of credit. You really need to take control of your finances. I did that and I was able to negotiate my own mortgage and line of credit. I forgot to freeze a line of credit and he used it. But the judge saw that he took money out after the separation so he had to repay it. Go for everything and anything you can. I did not want alimony because 100 dollars I would have had to claim that as income and he got the tax credit. It was not worth it. Most of all, look after number one and that is you.

Hi everyone!! I've had a decent week-I'm going to the attorney's to and start the process by filing. He has no idea,but he's not gonna be happy with me doing thAt on my own. He thinks he's in control and I'm listening to him. Well I'm listening and being civil to him but that doesn't mean I'm not going to do what's best for me. My in-laws are coming in this next weekend and I'm gonna have to visit with them while ignoring the elephant in the room. Then I have a family picnic Sunday to get thru-at least he isn't going cause he doesn't want to make a phone uncomfortable--but he doesn't even realised he wasn't invited in the first place-LOL!!
I got a new hair cut and surprise to me it really looks good! Since all this divorce emotional stuff started I'm having stomach h issues and I'm having IBS attacks about 3 times a week. That's lovely. I'm hoping after my appt tomorrow I will feel better about everything-the unknown is very scary for my future. He's walking around all fine and dandy and I'm the only one hurting. We are even going to the same concerned Saturday night but with other people. What are the chances I won't run into him? Thank you all for making me feel better. Hugs XOXO!

Running into the ex around town is no fun - believe me and it still isn't even 4 years post-divorce but I'm not going to stop living my life. Hope the concert was good and you didn't worry about him too much. Also, the stomach stuff is probably a direct result of stress. It's the most stressful thing I've ever gone through. I have so much sympathy for you.

I'm glad you got the new look and that you like it! Some people make a lot of drastic changes - moving, redecorating, changing jobs, etc... I didn't do much at first but eventually starting filling up holes in my life with activities like golf league and trips. ( My daughter went off to college shortly after the divorce so it was a double whammy loss)
All the best to you and keep coming here if you need to vent or talk.

Hi everyone, I'm most days I'm doing ok. I just stop sometimes and think how can he do this to me,all be thinks about is himself. My in-laws were here over the weekend and he put on a show that this divorce is amicable. While I spent the weekend with his family he was out with his friends. My father in law is getting older and it's catching up with him and my mother in law is starting chemo therapy this week-he only spent an afternoon with them. How can someone be so selfish,of course he doesn't see it that way. I filed for divorce this week and got a date for the first hearing. He's getting served tomorrow at work-he's not gonna be to happy with me but this is what he wanted and I'm protecting myself. I still cry when I think of everything,I just can't believe this is happening to me,not that im the only one who ever went thru this but I thought we would be together forever. You would think after 21 years too. My friends say I'm doing great but indolent feel that way. What's next?

Hi everyone, I'm still here hanging in. Another week down. He says his attorney is making arrangement to meet with myself and my attorney to see if we can agree on everything and just get a dissolution. He threatened me if we go the divorce route I would regret it. That's nice!! He's bluffing and I will go whatever route I have to-to get what's fair to me. I just realized that he would rather be poor then to be married to me. That does nothing for my self esteem. My friends say it's not about you-he would do this to whoever he was married to. Even if that is true it doesn't make me feel better. I think I'm depressed,I'm tired all the time-my mind is all scattered and not focused, I'm not my normal self. I hope when this is all over I will get back to the real me again. I was thinking of yoga- if it might help me.

His attorney is going to meet with you and your lawyer, that's a positive step for sure! I like seeing that you have decided you are going for what you are entitled to.

He threatened you that if you go the divorce route you will regret it? Really? What is your option? Staying married while he does as he pleases? What kind of marriage is that? It isn't one! Yes, he is going to bully you and get nasty. Let it roll off like water on a duck. If he is a controller, you know what to expect. You're gonna be okay, your going to get through this. Yes, everyone loses in divorce, but you can come out on top and with your sanity. Stay the course. Yes, take up yoga or some hobby. I took belly dancing. During class I had to focus on leaning the moves and it gave my mind a break. Go for it!