Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Hi, I'm just starting my divorce journey-it's only been a month and a half since I found out he doesn't love me anymore after 21 years-3 stepkids-7 grandkids. I stuck with him thru him losing 2 jobs,raised his kids,a DUI. Now he says he's putting himself first,going out with his single friends from high school. He thinks h e s gonna skate away free and clear from me. Well,I got a great attorney and with support from m y sister and all my friends I've got to start a new life for me at 52. I never thought I would be starting over. I have goo d days and bad days-it's a process-the unknown is very scary. I'm just tired of being the only one hurting in this-he's fine and dandy-it's not bothering him. He wants to be buddies and pals-I told him t that will not happen-I will never forgive him for doing this to me and our family. I just don't know how to do this.
It has been 12 years since my now-X husband dropped the bomb on me -- that he didn't love me anymore and was leaving the marriage. Worst day of my life for sure. That worst day turned into what I now refer to as the 18 Months of Hell -- that's how long it took to divorce the lying, cheating coward. Didn't take me too long to figure out WHY he suddenly wanted a divorce (another woman) and when I had undeniable proof, I used that knowledge to my advantage. Hired the best divorce attorney in town and kept telling him "This is what YOU wanted. You can HAVE your freedom, but it's not going to be cheap." He fought me tooth and nail, but in the end I came out on the better side financially and when it was all over, I grabbed my New Life by the horns. But if it weren't for my brilliant attorney and my amazing therapist, I would either be living in a shoebox somewhere or doing 99 years to life on two counts of homicide (the now-X and that other woman)! I'm NOT kidding!
You hang tough, my dear. You will have bad days and not so bad days. You absolutely MUST take GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF! Do not talk directly to him about anything related to financial settlement. If he pushes you that way, tell him in a matter-of-fact tone that you will NOT discuss ANYTHING related to the divorce without YOUR attorney being present. That's what I did. He didn't like it, but too bad. In the end, I laughed all the way to the bank.
We're here to console, cajole, advice and commiserate but we are not a substitute for professionals. I advise everyone who comes on this board to find and use a good therapist to help you get through it. And if you are having physical issues due to the stress, get to your doctor immediately! Keep track of everything and keep your legal strategy close to the vest. Don't let him see if you are upset -- that's what they want -- they will try everything to get you and keep you in a tizzy.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, my dear. You will be ok! Big hugs around you....
Kathi