I think the only one that can stop us from feeling jealous, alone, dwelling on the past, etc. is ourselves. Therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists are there to listen and to guide us, even give us tools to do the hard work of really going through our feelings and processing them so we can move forward, but they can't fix us. I know the simple act of speaking (or typing) my feelings and thoughts out loud to someone that is listening helps me sort through them, and I find myself finding healthier ways to deal with pain and sorrow when people share their stories.
I think that's why I like it here too!

I still see my therapist once a month. My therapist and my Atty helped me so much during the divorce and the six years after when the ex was vindictive.

The therapist gave me someone to talk to and he helped me understand narcissism. Its so nice to be able to say whatever pops into my thoughts. I had no friends and still don't. I feel the need to watch whatever I say because this town is so funny. The horse community is full of drama and a bit unfriendly. I've never lived in a town like this before. My therapist helps me with the over the top strange people in this town.

When I had a problem with the ex the therapist knew what x was trying to do and gave me ways to stop the ex's stupid harm he tried to cause me. My experience with therapy has been very positive.

The best thing for my daughter and I was Divorce Care through our church. A lot of support and you break up into groups men in one group and women in the other. What helped me more than anything is that the stories the other guys had let me know that I wasn't alone going through what I was going through.

MNMama did such a great job with her comment, the only thing I can add is this:

I had a standing Tuesday afternoon appointment with my therapist during the 18 Months of Hell (and for 6 months afterward on a PRN basis). Because of the roller coaster effect, I was heavily into journaling my thoughts and feelings through the process, so the day before my appointment, I would read over everything I had written in the prior week and make some notes of things I wanted to discuss with my therapist. This helped immensely! Most of the time, she let me lead the session but would often make me stop and discuss something in more detail. This was helpful, too, as she knew me so well she knew when there was something I was avoiding dealing with. So we'd talk about it and my "assignment" for the week would be to take some steps to remedy the situation.

I've said it many times here, there is no way I would have ever come out of divorce in as good a shape as I did WITHOUT my therapist! She and I still keep in touch and if I can get myself back to Maryland sometime this year, I'm going to have a 2-hour session with her!

In a nutshell, I learned things ABOUT MYSELF in that 18 Months of Hell that I wish I had learned a lot sooner. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS: What they are and what they are not - in particular. I finally learned to set healthy BOUNDARIES in my life and they apply to everyone I come in contact with. What a gift!

DivorceCare was also good, but not the same as having a one-on-one with a professional.

Counseling helped me finally see my ex for who he really was and helped me move forward with my healing. My counselor often challenged me and that would push me to do the work I needed to do to get healthy again.

I have a wonderful therapist who has helped me enormously. I thought I was done with needing her early last year and we said our goodbyes after 4 years of appointments which were slowly getting further and further apart. I'm going to see her again next week but it's different now. This time I want to run my ideas of how to deal with some things past her. Like you, I would have preferred to see her when I was in the midst of the worst, but I think it does me good to deal with things myself and then see the therapist to discuss what happened and how I'm doing. Then if she thinks I need to tweak my way of dealing with things, she can advise me.

No, I don't believe a therapist ( or anyone else for that matter) can stop you from feeling jealous or lonely or as if life is meaningless etc. They can help in that you won't feel quite so alone, as if someone has your back, but ultimately, it's up to each person to find their own way forward the best way possible for them.

I get extremely down in the dumps but I get myself up a lot more quickly these days because my therapist has given me tools to use eg mindfulness, and I have nurtured my own desire to be at peace with life whatever it may bring. I use exercise, communing with nature, talking to a trusted friend, loving myself, praying, reiki. I have my own first aid list of things to do when the chips are down.

One important thing to remember is that you heal better if you let yourself fully feel the emotions that come up.

Also, if you have solved your problem all by yourself, that's a wonderful thing, and I'm sure the therapist would be thrilled to know that, and would allow you to cancel your appointment as long as you gave enough notice.

love and hugs
kamary

As I was reading all these replies. They were all true for me as well. My counselor helped me see who I was. Meaning, what I was willing to put up with, how I had contributed by not holding my X accountable, about narcissism, about changing the words in my head and to start new tapes in my head for where I was heading in life, to balance what really was happening versus drama that sometimes is created. I saw my counselor every 2 weeks through the divorce and I have continued. I realized I didn't want to keep the patterns I had from growing up and so I have spent the last 4 years working on getting rid of those and growing into the person I want to be. It seems like there is always a little "fine tuning" that I need to do.

Without counseling, DS and divorcecare, I would not have survived.

I have said it many times here and elsewhere -- I would stay in therapy my whole life if I could afford it. We are all like onions with many, many layers to be peeled back. Garbage from the past, untruths about ourselves, issues we avoid addressing. It's not an easy process, but extremely worth the time and effort.

Everyone has said it so well. You do need to vent with a therapist. I am so happy that I did it. By the time I got to the actual divorce stage, I was able to smile when I saw him. Yep, smile, turn around and walk away from him and his keepers. I still touch bases with her. But if it was not for my cheering team, I would not be here to talk about it. My cheering team, therapist, lawyer, doctor and above all God.

I think it is good to have someone you can talk to and say anything. And they have your back.

I Email mine and sometimes we talk about that and sometimes some other things. I feel she is helping me get my thinking straight.

You have a way with word Kamary, Hugs.

I agree with all the others. A therapist is someone who will listen, guide, and have your back. I was able to get angry, cry, whatever I needed to do with her to get through my divorce. I agree with Knuckle's last sentence. God placed all the right people in my life to help me survive the worst thing that had ever happened to me.. my family, friends, lawyer, doctor and my wonderful therapist. My faith grew stronger than ever which made ME a stronger person. And, after a year and a half, I knew I no longer needed my therapist and felt sad, but she was happy for me knowing I was ready to live life on my own and didn't need her anymore. I will never forget her.

I saw one weekly in the beginning. After a few sessions we went to bi-weekly. I rather enjoyed it. Not because she seemed to take sides but she listened. After a short period she said she thought what i was doing and how i was handling it were right on target. She didn't seem to think she could help any further. I have thought (esp. lately) that I need to see her again. If just to vent, or just to see a different insight on how to handle the post-divorce feelings.

If finances improve soon, then I will be calling her again. I feel things are bottling up. Too much stress.

One suggestion, I think a psychotherapist is trained more to do long term counseling to keep working you towards finding your own path and journey, where just a family counselor might just be getting you through the tough times. I would suggest a psychotherapist.

Went to counseling not therapy,
What is the difference? Why don't you tell me?...get it, haha

Short term counseling helped to go and vent, as I live in a small town and for too many reasons I can't talk about her affair in "public" , she is a school teacher, the affair guy - same kind of bullshit fake persona ,
My kids don't need it around town

So the venting was good

Counseling / therapy seems to be about reframing reality,
Facts are facts, the time if time is the time of day,
Going back to continuously sift through the wreckage gets old,
Take the time you need to collect yourself (all different for each us ) and get away from the wreckage, survive, survive longer, survive to thrive

Bad shit happens, really bad shit is done to people by thier loved ones - by strangers - even for sone people by themselves

The bad shit can knock us off our feet, the choice is to fall in love with laying in the shit, sometimes it is too easy to Lay in the shit and blame it on somebody else, maybe we did get pushed in the shit BUT the choice to stay down is ours so ... What do you choose?

All the best and I know it is a whole lot easier for me to ask you that question rather than ask myself, but te mirror awaits us all

Take care

Thanks all my wise friends. Kamary - I love the way you express your thoughts.

I hope your day wherever you are is warm and sunny. It's relatively so here in the Wisconsin, and the pink and peach sunrise as I drove in to work today, reflecting off the river started me off on the right foot. But morning has always been my best time of day - so much possibility lies ahead before the day has unfolded. :)