Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Married 28 years yesterday and have been living with my husband for 34 years.
I finally decided to get a divorce yesterday and I am broken inside. My husband is/was my best friend or at least I thought he was. I can't stand being hurt over and over and I have to get out. We live in separate rooms and have for years. I kept trying and hoping that things would change for the better, and they did in some respects, but he is so self-absorbed and so anti-social that I just can't take it anymore.
I will be back. I am too upset to keep writing at the moment.
I finally decided to get a divorce yesterday and I am broken inside. My husband is/was my best friend or at least I thought he was. I can't stand being hurt over and over and I have to get out. We live in separate rooms and have for years. I kept trying and hoping that things would change for the better, and they did in some respects, but he is so self-absorbed and so anti-social that I just can't take it anymore.
I will be back. I am too upset to keep writing at the moment.
Men and women are so different. My hunch is he doesn't entirely get it, you wanted a flower he paints you a picture of a mountain and all of the other examples. You know one of my professors once said you can change partners but still have the same theme. To be honest, your concerns sound pretty typical of relationships. Neither of you are getting each others meaning when you communicate, he probably doesn't get why you're bothered. I think some men don't understand sentimental gestures are important.
Only you can decide if you don't want to live with this anymore. I guess the question is would you be happier alone…and just remember the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Best of luck in your decision making.
Like most of us who cherished our marriage and family, and took our vows seriously, we JUST KEPT TRYING TO MAKE OUR SPOUSES HAPPY. Trying and trying and trying to save our marriage and families. But here's a little secret for you.... IT'S NOT OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ENSURE OUR SPOUSES HAPPINESS! That's on them, We can only be responsible for ourselves. Trying to save a marriage that only ONE person is invested in will not work. I know I did it for years. Well maybe if I make more money, well maybe if I lose more weight, so it's ok for him to drop 250 bucks in one night on Poker night with his buddies, but if I spent 19.95 on a movie then I had no concept of a budget. A lot of people have some great advice on books that help with healing and how to deal with divorce after 20 years.
The book I love to read over and over again to my children at my preschool is " If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" ever read it.... if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk, if you give him a glass milk, he will ask for straw, and so on and so on. The bottom line being that every time we tried to give in to our spouses and do what ever they asked to make them happy.....THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMETHING ELSE THEY WILL ASK FOR!!! In the end WE are never able to make THEM happy because their HAPPINESS HAS TO COME FROM WITH IN THEMSELVES.
Anybody is capable of change if they realize that change has to happen. My ex is the POSTER BOY for selfishness and narcissist personality but I was soooo busy trying to make everything right that I didn't even realize it until a couple years ago. Keep your head held high the future is what you make of it.
Disney:)