I would not let him move back in. You are not going to get the results you are looking for that way. You are merely rescuing him from whatever he is upset about. It is best he gets his own place and you two go to counseling and work toward rebuilding your marriage

I agree with Misred. Separate living places and lots of counseling. Nothing has changed-please don't let him back in until it does.

Wow, so he came home to recoup and start again. I would not let him move back home. He has to earn your trust and respect. At this moment. both are non-existent. I really commend you for picking him up. But look after yourself first and foremost. Hugs

While I have no personal experience dealing with an alcoholic, I am saying YES to the advice already given here. It's time to STAND YOUR GROUND. His drinking problem is the biggest issue here and you can't fix that! Work on fixing yourself, instead. Please do NOT allow him to spend another night under your roof. Hugs to you.

I agree with the others. He's come back where he knows he can do what he likes and you will be there for him. Do you really want to go back to that?

love and hugs
kamary

Oh, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Perhaps if we look at it this way.....

He didn't come back to you.
He ran away from her because she couldn't take away his pain/save him/make him feel better.

Why did he run away from you before?
Was it because you couldn't take away his pain/save him/make him feel better?

Are you going to be able to take away his pain/save him/make him feel better this time?

I'm not saying burn the bridge, lock the door and throw away the key. I'm saying he needs to take charge of him, not you, the other woman, or the next woman. He won't start taking care of himself until he needs to, and that won't happen in your home, your car or your bed.

Respectfully, he needs to get out, find himself a place to live, and then, if he's still willing to go to counseling, meet him there and do everything you need to determine if there's a relationship to work on and save. I'm glad for the time my ex and I spent in counseling, I can say I tried my best even though it didn't work, but don't put yourself in emotional harms way by letting him stay.
Serenity, health and strength to you.

This may sound silly.... but.... here goes... what would you tell a friend to do...
I was not married to an alcoholic so I can't exactly walk in your shoes BUT pleasepleaseplease be careful with your heart!

Gals are right - and yes, your setting yourself up for more disappointment. I know it's so very hard and I lived with alcoholism my entire relationship. I know exactly what it's like. Sending support and hugs.

If he doesn't join AA then he will never change and your
troubles will continue
I'm sorry, I've seen it happen to many times...
Now, I do have a friend in AA and he changed his life around
Its been 7 years now and not one drop.
So, good luck to you..... get him in AA or get him out .
Timeman

I have nothing to add because everyone else has said it all. Unless he gets help, nothing will change and you deserve so much better. If he refuses, I'd say you have a decision to make. You are in my prayers, Hullibee.
HUGSSS

Your husband (?) sounds like a real piece of work, an alcoholic and unfaithful. Egad! Do you love this man? Want to "fix" him or have tried to in the past and now it's just...habit? I hope the answer is no! For your own sake, for your future, for your piece of mind, for your self-esteem, stop enabling him. You can't fix him. Only he can do that. I have never attended an AA or Al-anon meeting in my life but....it just seems like common sense! Easier said then done, I totally get that!

It must be hard, and I've not walked a mile in your shoes, but I hear you and I support your efforts to be strong and disengage from this toxic relationship. Good luck hon - be strong!

Everyone has already given good advice. If he is still drinking he is not in his right mind. He is just using you for a place to eat and sleep. Try Al-anon for your peace of mind.

I was married to an alcoholic for 23 years. That was my first x.

Good luck in making the right choice for yourself.

Hugs hullibee...I have to agree with the others. I have not had to deal with alcohol abuse in my marriage but I did have to deal with it growing up...it sucks and none of their actions make sense. Living with alcoholics is crazy making and in some cases dangerous.

I think its time to take the focus off of him and put it on yourself. You need to ask yourself some hard questions and find honest answers. Why? Whats in it for you? Do you deserve better? What are you afraid of? Questions like that. I think you need to get to the bottom of your personal dependency...perhaps then you can start letting this abusive man and relationship go...sending lots of support...Big Hugs...Kathy

I am grateful for all your advice. I know this is wrong. That is why I'm not sure what to do. I want him home but I agree a LOT more needs to happen first. I am not his mother!!! I feel like he came home for me to take care of him.

We have not even discussed anything since he came home. We have been very busy with grandkids games. It is very hard. Maybe I am avoiding this behavior. I feel like I am swimming in a pool of s***. Bogged down. Not able to address the elephant in the room.

I'm scared.

Hullibee:
The LONGER you let him stay, the HARDER it will be to be the catalyst for change! It sounds to me like you ARE avoiding the issue -- that's ENABLING the behavior! If you don't stand up now, you may as well resign yourself to a miserable life. HE NEEDS HELP, but just like you can't teach your own kids to swim, YOU need to let him learn his lesson the hard way!

Sending you all the chutzpa I can from this distance...