trisha beat me to it.
The BEST response is NO response.

I agree...nothing says more than silence.

If I don't respond he thinks Im imature and I should be adult enough to atleast reply. So I replied, thank you for the offer and felt this was his families time to be with ellen. I told him I was never upset that I wasnt invited but that he invited my family as if nothing had changed. I know I know...I should have just said thank you cant make it. But that opportunity was my weakness. I do go to therapy and she will be upset to. I make so much progress then just this one detail of inviting my family sets me back. Had he never invited them I would be fine. I know someday I will have to deal with another situation such as this. I'm learning and hopefully I will be in a better place and not even care. As CowgirlKathi said Time Distance and No Contact. I've got plenty of time and I'm 800 miles away and I slipped up on the No Contact that he initiated. But I'm learning that he will never think of me more than "I left you for you this is why we are divorced." I know I wasn't perfect. But I do know the character of a man who can leave his wife and the situation we were in for his own "happiness" is NOT the kind of man I can live with. I appreciate coming here to vent or to ask questions and just to read what thoughts and advice gets circulated. It helps me to realize my inner strength and there will be a time for me to enjoy that he left me...that he let me go. Thanks and I'll update you as to our visit home.
PS. I know I'm healing when the words he text no longer make me cry, but instead make me stronger because I know in my heart they are not true its just a reflection of him. I pity him more than anything.He is the one who is missing so much with his children because he wanted another life with her but cant even see that.

"I know I know"... somebody please kick her! You're learn to drop that ball of fire when your hands fall off. !!!
I got to laugh though, you might be right. He might have every reason in the world for thinking you're immature! The kicker is, there is no having that ,so he gets an explanation. [ I'm laughing with you].

PS Why not suggest for him to stop "harrassing" your family/ folks. Otherwise, you will get legal.

Lisa you are not at that point where what he thinks about your actions don't matter. It doesn't matter if he thinks you are immature. It only matters what you think about your actions. Actually, not responding is the mature way to handle some problems and this was one of those.

He knows how you will respond and he knows exactly what to say to get your attention. You are getting stronger. This was just a slip backwards. We learn more from our mistakes than from always doing things the correct way. So just consider this a learning experience.

LisaMarie - You wrote "...If I don't respond he thinks Im imature"

SO WHAT? When he ran out on your marriage, he gave up all rights to have any power over you. My therapist expanded on that when she said, "...he is no longer privy to your thoughts or feelings so don't share them with him!" She was absolutely right.

Yes, you made a backward slip. That's ok. Just start fresh from this moment forward and remind yourself that everytime you let him get under your skin, you are GIVING HIM something of yourself. You don't owe that man a thing!

Hugs to you, my dear. Remember that this is YOUR New Life and he is no longer a part of it.

For an update on how the open house went, I wrote a journal entry. My days are getting better and filled with more gratitude than ever. I find myself thanking him for leaving because I know The Lord has me here for a reason without him. This was his choice and as cowgirlkathi has said I will give him exactly what he wanted his new life and all the consequences of his decision to leave and be with someone else that go along with it. But then balance shifts and I come back to the realization that he's with her! And the shock comes back how could he have left and its all come down to this. Not speaking to each other after 25 years together. Amazes me. Then I realize I have to make that choice to leave him. He was not a very good person to do what he did to me and our family. I find myself saying STOP and be grateful that he left otherwise I would not be blessed with all I have today.

I still go back to feeling that shock and sadness after 4 years, LisaMariB. You'll do that less and less. You can't just wipe away the memories of so many years. Those memories are part of your life which you shouldn't erase, anyway.

I find as time goes by that I can remember funny times and nice times more and more, while the bad times are moving more into the background - never to be forgotten but kept far enough away to allow me some peace.

Somewhere around the 3-year mark, I decided to stop asking myself the questions I can't answer. I finally realised that I could stumble on the right answer but I still wouldn't know for sure, so it's just a huge waste of time to even think about it. I don't like wasting time being unhappy when I have no control over the other person. I did that for far too long in my marriage and I refuse to do it for anything else.

I'm glad you've decided to say STOP and be grateful he left. That's what I do when I start down the track of the unanswerable "Why?" As you all know, in my case, I did the leaving, but I left because he didn't love me, not because I had found someone else. I don't regret it for a moment.

love and hugs
kamary