Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
After being married for 20 years and taking a stand not only due to being treated like I was nothing because I was a stay at home mom but his 8 year affair with his cousin's wife. I was a SAHM because I felt it was the best thing for my children as my ex never really adjusted well to being a father. Fast forward to today...I sometimes feel like I am the one who has lost out. I started basically from scratch at the age of 43 after our divorce. Living on one income in not easy and I continue to raise our 13 year of daughter. I am currently renting and I don't know If I will ever own a home or if it is feasible for me to since I do not know one thing about home repair. I guess I am feeling bad today as I did take a stand not only for myself but for my daughter to let her know that the way her dad was treating me is not the men are suppose to act. My ex is the only man I have had sex with and I just feel so alone, betrayed and pissed off trying to figure all of this out. I guess I feel like I have been the one who has lost over his affair.I don't know if I will ever love again or want to! Although he lost our home because he couldn't pay for it due to child support, he has bought another home along with a motorcycle and car. I know they are materialistic things but why do I feel like I am the one who lost out? Thanks for listening to my ramble....:)
and here is YOUR DIPLOMA! ********* OH IF i COULD ONLY MAKE THOSE BIG GOLD STARS!
But you did the right thing, and you are in the better spot, b/c you don't have the weight and guilt of having lied to his wife and ruined his family - which he has, even if he is not aware of it - it will guarantee him a twisted psyche in the long run.
Lynne
But marriage lasts too long in too close quarters
for anyone to sustain a public persona.
Personalities eventually give way to an INNER
SELF that gets revealed for the first time. And
there you each stand, naked as if no one is
watching. But someone is watching. And that's
when you meet for the first time...again!
You and your spouse don't meet the person who
charmed each other's friends, bought gifts for
each other's parents, and always smiled from ear
to ear. No, this time it's a meeting of your
CHARACTERS.
In many cases, it's not only that you're meeting
each other for the first time, but it's that
you're meeting YOURSELVES for the first time.
Most people wouldn't be caught dead treating
anyone the way they treat their spouse. Most
people don't recognize their own behavior. "I'm
just not myself with him/her." Well then who is
that person? Kimbelry, that's YOU...it's
your character. (And your spouse meets their
character.)
The reason so many people fail at marriage and an
attempt at marriage renewal is NOT that they
don't like their spouse. It's that they don't
like THEMSELVES. And while everyone else in their
life is like a mirror reflecting their
personality; their spouse is a mirror reflecting
their character. And most people don't like what
they see.
Many people would rather choose to be with
someone else than remain with their spouse and
have to continue to be with themselves. (Did you
get that?) Many people would rather choose to be with someone else than to remain with their spouse and have to continue to be with themselves.
This rings true for me I believe. (hugs)