I know about Ashley Madison and Friend Finders and quite a few others. The ex even took a friends identity to get on a site that did check to make sure you weren't married before you joined. I don't remember the name of that one but it damn sure wasn't EHarmony. Since we are all fessing up here. I will fess up for him. He was looking for a good down to earth country girl who could give good head. He was even looking for women in my age range in my county and state. I haven't figured that one our yet and there is no need to understand that. I had already filed by then and was so glad I did.

Definitely didn't say too much!

I have to admit that my desire for sex diminished considerably in relation to how much affectionate attention I received. I found it very hard to be interested in him when he was clearly not interested in spending time with me or being considerate of me. Then he'd complain that I wasn't interested. Well.....?
When I lost interest altogether during the last couple of years of our marriage, I honestly thought it was hormone problems - until I moved out and suddenly found myself quite interested in other guys sometimes!!

And all the time, he would use that as the red herring to keep me off the track of what he was really doing.

Gosh I wish I hadn't been such a nit, so naiive and so hooked on him that I couldn't see what was happening!!

But then, this is probably one of the things that is singular to we who married straight out of nappies!!!

!!!! Someone, pick me up off the floor!

I just took a quick look at Ashley Madison site. 18,090,000 members!!!!!!!

I've been kind of sitting back hoping someone else shared my views on this...I guess I'm the odd person out. I've come to the conclusion for myself...I am not a kid anymore...I am about to be 57 years old... I am an adult now..lol...geeze when did that happen? Anyway...my views have changed quite a bit since I found myself single at age 53. I'm not looking to have babies, I'm not looking for a father for my children and I'm not looking to be rescued. What I am looking for is someone to share my life with. Marriage is optional but not probable. For me...intimacy is a very important part of sharing ones life. I trust my decision making process and I trust my intuition. I am at the place where...if I choose to share myself intimately with a man...there are very few strings attached. What is so wrong with that? If protection is used and a connection is made...why not.

My ex and I had a very active sex life right up until he left...both times. Go figure! Sex is not something I want to give up. Life is to short and when I'm dead...its all over. So...I see nothing wrong with it. Besides...studies have shown...those that are still active sexually in there older years have less medical issues and stress...you live longer more healthily...so one could say...its for medical reasons. Works for me...Big Hugs...Kathy

dairy I would love to find someone to just live with but I'm still tied up with the ex on this farm. I can't and won't bring anyone into my mess. I take care of my own. It's been so long, I've gotten used to living alone. This town I live in is strange. It's a high powered rich little town and anyone my age who would be suitable is looking at women much younger.Some of the richest people in the U S live here. This town is their own little horsey playground.

By suitable I mean anyone who doesn't think I have money because I have this farm. Horses mean money in this town and I don't have it. Then there is my daughter. She wouldn't be in my life long if I was seeing anyone. I don't want to lose her again and not see baby Zoe and the new baby that will be here in July. Through all of this I always thnk "but what about me" and I just can't find the me in any of this except this farm.

I am with you on this one Dairy.
I am not looking for a husband and I will not give up sex untill I marry which i do not plan on doing.

Some of you are very brave. I just don't feel comfortable w the idea of sexual intimacy with someone who is not fully vested in my life.

First chance I've had in a couple of days to get back to this discussion. Here goes:

Perhaps it was my coming of age in the late 1960's but I don't have a lot of the straight-laced notions about sex outside of marriage. By that I mean, I can have and enjoy sex with someone I'm not married to, BUT when I was married, I kept my vow of sexual fidelity -- and did so through the entire 18 Months of Hell and then some. I think one of the things that impressed me about Tom was that he did NOT pressure me to have sex with him. The waiting actually made it more fulfilling!

I DO NOT believe in or engage in "casual sex" -- too risky healthwise and it's too much of an emotional investment for me. I simply will not have sex with someone who is not in an EXCLUSIVE committed relationship with me - but that doesn't require a marriage license. I don't think about marriage the same way I used to...at MY age (gonna be 60 real soon) I fail to see the point. Any man who would want to marry me is going to have to sign a pre-nup agreement. And unless he was filthy rich, I wouldn't expect to get any of "his" money in the event of his death or a breakup. Does that make sense?

I'm with Kathi on this one. Interesting reading btw. Ex also blamed the lack of intimacy on me but it was way more complicated than lack of sex. It was lack of intimacy on all levels. But, I was blamed for everything so what's new.
I don't think I could have casual sex. I will need to feel like I am in a committed relationship where I feel loved and accepted before the kimono is opened that much.
However, I still feel like I would like to be married. Is that crazy? I like the idea of taking a vow before friends, family and community. I sometimes have a hard time being a crazy liberal with a conservative lifestyle.

Psi Chi,
I don't believe I need a wedding to prove my commitment to a man and his to me. I have a boyfriend that is in love with me and me with him. I do not wish to ever marry after 35 years of marriage, he was married 31 years and he might want to marry someday but does not see it as a must. We are more and more invested in each others life as time passes, our hope is that we can be neighbors someday and always be there for one another. That's totally committed to me without a wedding or sharing the same house!

I wouldn't mind a comitted relationship but not a marriage. I'm divorced over five years and I'm still trying to get the ex totally out of my life. I've been in comitted marriages twice and the comitment was only on my side.

Hear that Trisha!

No committed relationship, marriage or whatever term people use today I love my freedom to do and go as I please. Adultery comes in many forms. It is number 6 of the Ten commandments. No. 5 is Thou shalt not kill. So it is right up there.

It's not that I don't like sex, but divorce has certainly put a wrench in my utopia guilt-free sex life. I'm just not willing to risk investing MYSELF to a partner who isn't willing/wanting to reciprocate equal investment. Keeping a relationship has "maintenance cost" that is built in over time. If ones wants it bad enough, they'll take care of it.

Personally, I require a security bond of sorts. It's "a bond issued by an entity on behalf of a second party, guaranteeing that the second party will fulfill an obligation". I may not want to get formality married but there will be some sort of currency requirement.

If one chooses to have" friends with fringe benefits", you'd likely will have to suck up the risks. I've heard plenty stories of women crying of how their sex partner left once emotional commitment started to seep into the relationship.

This is such an awesome thread. Its so helpful to hear everyone's thoughts on this. Lately...I have realized...I'm just not sure I could deal with a live in partner. The thought of sleeping with someone in my bed does not turn my crank. I never dreamed I would get so used to sleeping by myself and actually not want to share that. I slept with my ex for so many years and it took quite sometime to get used to him not being there...in fact it was one of the most difficult parts of separation...but now....I just dont think I could go back to that. I really am starting to think that the perfect relationship is that we have separate homes and just visit back and forth...have dinner and pyjama parties regularly. So Im wondering...is it that we become selfish and not willing to share? Big Hugs...Kathy