I'm looking forward to meeting someone that
Will jump my bones. Lol!

LOL where do you live wiseman?????

Well, I can now add my two cents to this topic. It wasn't as awkward or weird as I thought it would be. In fact, I realized just how much I had been missing from my marriage. I wanted to say out loud, "so this is what it's supposed to be like," but I thought that would be unseemly. :)

It really helped to put things in perspective for me, though. My ex was very selfish and more than a little messed up in this area. I just didn't realize it because he was all I knew. Now I see how things are supposed to be, and it helps me to completely let him go. In fact, I feel very sorry for his new bride. His emotional abuse began right after our wedding, and I suspect it may have already begun for her, too. God help her.

I'm ready to write my next chapter now and grateful to know that better (and, yes, bigger) things are out there for me. ;)

All my best,
Kim

Kim LOLOLOLOL thanks for the laugh xx

I've been off the site for a week or so and WOW there are some new hot topics! Glad to see things lighten up here once in awhile, it's good for all of us!

Soooooo without getting too personal (and to maintain some personal decorum that makes me comfortable even in the anonymity of online) I am willing to share my own experience. It was good. I was still emotionally raw and not ready for a "relationship" but I had a date and met a super nice guy and after some time (not too short and not too long...just right for me - the TIME I waited to have sex I mean :) and it was lovely. I think that's a good word to describe it. He kissed me a LOT and that was something the ex and me did not do very much the last several years, if ever, and that alone made it lovely. And it felt natural, not strange and I surprised myself by not feeling shy even! I think this short relationship was very healing for me to be truthful!

Sex: it's a big deal and yet....it's not a big deal. The fist time post-marriage I was with someone I really really liked - whom I respected and who respected me I'll add - so it felt right. He was the SECOND man I ever slept with - I'd never been with anyone else. And he knew this and was very ...understanding, let's put it that way. And we lasted a few months and enjoyed each other's company immensely and the sex was always good. Always. But I had a pretty good sex life with the ex so......maybe that helped me to not be shy.

Am now in a year +long relationship with a man I'm in love with and I have discovered that there is ZERO comparison to having sex with someone you just 'like' or think you care about. Love changes everything.

I've never been promiscuous. I met my ex at 16 and married at 23. I have had only three sexual partners in my life to date and if my marriage hadn't ended I would NEVER have known how wonderful and loving sex with a partner with whom you've discovered mutual love at a mature age (50) could be, if that makes sense to anyone!

It's much much much more than physical connection at my age - at least for me. It's still there in a big way, but sex is just part of a healthy love relationship in my opinion. For me the relationship comes FIRST and the sex just follows in due course. I don't know how anyone - man or woman - has sex with someone they don't at least THINK they may have a chance of falling in love with. But I sure do know that it happens, and ALL the time! I'm old fashioned in that I don't obsess about having or not having sex......because it's not an option for me to even consider sex outside of a caring relationship.

In some way, I even believe that having a healthy sexual relationship has helped my healing.

Some very good stories. Keep these coming.

Iammine, I like the last line of your post, and it reminds me of an article I read a few weeks ago. The article said that, contrary to all the other words of wisdom on not jumping into a new relationship right away, rebound relationships can be one of the best ways to get over something as traumatic as divorce. Of course, there are cautions to be taken, both physically and emotionally. But, I thought the article was refreshing. All I've ever heard prior to it was not to become involved with someone too soon, yadda yadda yadda! My aunt told me that her first post-divorce relationship helped her immensely. She not only got over her ex (married for 26 years), but learned a lot about herself in the process. I completely concur based on my own experience.

And, for the record, it really helps when you learn how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Like you, I had never been with anyone else before. I had no frame of reference for anything other than my ex, except what you read or see in movies. Wow! What a difference.

I'm not advocating jumping into bed with the first man who shows interest. I waited and waded through 19 different men, each of whom would have been more than happy to oblige (and they were all too keen on letting me know that) before I felt I found the right man for me. Only time will tell if this relationship will last, but I'm going to enjoy it fully while it does.

OK ladies....just because I am so very green in this area.....how did you resolve yourself to giving yourself to another man? Truth be told....and in some ways I feel really silly admitting this....my husband is the ONLY man I've ever been with. The idea of some other man knowing me intimately kinda creeps me out. IDK how to get past that.

You are not alone PsiChi. Ive only been with the stbx and that was for 41 yrs. Talk about stage fright.
Its the furthest thing from my mind but Im 62 so bythe time I'm ready prospects might be limited.

PsiChi, I have to admit that the very thought of it used to make me want to throw up. Then, I turned a corner a couple months ago and started feeling like maybe I might be ready, if only I met someone who was worthy of it. Then, I met James, and I felt more sure than ever. I still waited for a while to make sure he was the right one. Once I made up my mind, it wasn't weird or awkward, although I was quite nervous at first. But, as they say, it's just like riding a bike. :) I was just like you, never having been with anyone but my ex. It certainly helped that James is far more adept than my ex.

Eventually, you will get to a point where you begin to wonder what it would be like with someone else, and that curiosity leads to anticipation and the rest just happens naturally. Give yourself time, and wait for the right person. You'll know when the time is right. Follow your heart.

Kim, that is how I felt. I was not looking to jump in the sack with any Tom, Dick, or Harry. lol I wanted to care about the person I was with. And when you meet that special someone and he or she makes you feel lovely, you will want to express it. It is all very natural. I did not compare y with x either. I just enjoyed it.

And Kim, I do think the first beau, after my husband, helped me tremendously. Unfortunately I friend zoned him but he is still a dear friend. I do think there is something about being a rebound.

I am very happy now with my current boyfriend. I do not miss my ex in the bedroom at all and we had a good love life. In fact, I can't even look at him like that anymore.

In one of her responses, Time4Kim wrote:

"And, for the record, it really helps when you learn how a man is supposed to treat a woman."

I will definitely attest to THAT. While I don't consider my 5+ year relationship with Tom a rebound, it was the Universe's way of SHOWING ME how I was SUPPOSED TO BE TREATED -- with genuine love and respect. In my 25 year marriage, I never had that -- I guess I didn't know any better. But now I do.

I'm in the same boat as I met my stbx right around my 18th birthday and never cheated so she is all I know, the sex was alway's great as far as I know. lol She has told me several times it's the only reason she married me. ( not sure if that's a compliment or an insult). lol It's great to hear everyone's story thank you so much for sharing. I now am excited for the next experience rather then being apprehensive about it. so glad I found this group and what a great question you posed wiseman thanks for asking this awkward question...

Hello,
I agree with cowgirl! Sex after is amazing! Put your girly on...get some great lingerie, satin sheets....make it last and be memorable. Don't dive in until you are satisfied... You don't have to! You are not married to it!
Ps ...be sure to use a condom!
It can add to the excitement! And protects you from all sorts of nasties...enjoy!