Abandonment is an insidious thing. Once you've experienced it, you forever carry with you the burning knot in the pit of your stomach that aches whenever you fear someone else might leave you, too. I've been tangoing with mine lately, and it hasn't been pleasant. My daughter, who suffers from a rather chronic anxiety disorder coupled with terrible IBS, has pulled back from me. She was once my strongest supporter after my life and our family shattered. She is well aware of her father's infidelity; witnesses to the affair called her to tell her a few months after my separation. So, there's no "he said, she said," not that I would participate in such a corrosive ploy anyway. Her father stopped talking to her for many months when she confronted him about his affair and asked him repeatedly to be honest with her about it. He refused, and still hasn't told her the truth. They've both just moved past it, which is probably a good thing. She sent her father an olive branch, of sorts, several months ago in an attempt to bring him back into her life. He slowly came back, but with conditions, of course. She was, for much of her life, Daddy's little girl. It really broke her heart when he turned on her. Now, she's so desperate for his love and attention that it feels to me that she's withdrawing from me in order to have a more solid relationship with him. I do want her to have a good relationship with him. I've said so many times. Yet, it feels as though my heart is being carved up into pieces again because she doesn't want to talk to me or communicate much at all. She says it's just because she's not feeling well. Yet, I know for certain that she's been communicating with her father and I'm pretty sure recently with the OW, too. My daughter is planning to attend their wedding and is even making the table centerpieces. When she did tell me about that, I was very positive and told her that she should do what makes her happy. I told her I was proud of her for handling her relationship with her father so well. What really stings is that she lied to me and said she was unable to talk on the phone due to illness, but had the phone calls I mentioned as well as ones to my former mother-in-law. I didn't even get to talk to her for her birthday. Still haven't.

I debated for a while about what I should do. I decided to take the highest road possible and simply ask if, perhaps, I had done anything to upset her or make her uncomfortable in any way. She said I hadn't and that she would call me when she felt better. Time continues to go by, and no call or communication. I should mention that this follows on the cusp of her attempt in January to get me to do a rather absurd favor for her by insincerely dumping her father under a bus in a bizarre dad-bashing ploy that I guess she thought would convince me to do this favor. I didn't bite nor participate in the bashing, and politely explained why I could not do the favor as she requested. It became a moot point eventually.

The PTSD parts of me are firing all over the place right now as a result. I'm working very hard to quell the fears and not take anything personally. My mantra chanting is in overdrive. Any thoughts, suggestions, words of wisdom, potions for curing obsessive fears, etc. would be greatly appreciated.

I'm sorry I haven't been on the forum lately. This development has consumed a lot of my time.

Kim