I got the boot, i still get along with
some inner family nembers, I just
keep it between us not on any social
media. As far as cousins and aunts
And uncles nothing has really Changed
in my relationships to them again Keep
it off social media.

I do not want them ( my ex and mil) to
know who is Still friendly to me or not.
I am not a Big facebook fan so its not
a hardship For me. My Ex MIL loves
facebook.

I have no children so his family is
His family now not mine. My ex has
A gf from before the divorce so i am
blocked On their facebook which is
just as well. They still keep their
relationship semi Quiet.

Most people do not see them Together
or out and about. They are Slow playing
the coming out maybe not on facebook
though Who knows. That is a whole different
world Of relationships on there. Not my dog
And pony show.

I mostly use messenger if i want to chat and
I am not friends with most of them on facebook.

I still hang out with a few of his cousins they
Still like me. Just because he is a jerk doesnt
Mean i am :)

Hugs

((((( cmonge))))

I love my in-laws too, and luckily, my wasband isn't into social media, any that he'd admit to in public anyway, so I'm able to see and comment on the nieces, nephew and their kids. Glad I can.

I think if my ex and/or a new partner were there too, I'd either ignore them and keep it between the people I still love, or like Miranda, not comment in public, just send a note directly to them.

Not sure why you listen to your ex's opinion anymore, or why his girl friend's comments matter to you. Keep your comments to, and about, the ones you love and ignore the rest.

Best wishes!

cmonge
I know. After 0ver 30 years of being part of the family.....babysitting the kids. loving my father in law, going to weddings and funerals....I was suddenly an outcast.
Not one of my in-laws has spoken to me since the divorce People say they say awful things about me. What hurt more was the divorce split my own family. Feeling forced to take sides,I lost one of my daughters.
You are right, divorce is not just between 2 people/ It's like a ripple in a pond.
Take care and big hugs

You are right. Divorce effects everyone connected to the two people. You're very fortunate that your ex's family has remained friendly and even loving. Mine did too (except fir one exBIL) who also cheated on his second wife, just quietly.

I know it hurts to see the ow joining in and being accepted. Hang in there. Try to accept that she is now part of the family, but that doesn't mean you have to bow out. You're still loved and accepted. Hold onto that thought and continue being your usual self. It will work out ok. Don't give up.

I have even had a couple of one-on-one talks (subject of ex tabu) with the ow. Over time I've come to realise that the ex is the one who did the wrong thing, not her. I'm 8 years out and am quite happy I am no longer with him. Poor ow must be just beginning to 'see' his real self!!

We long-timers have the history behind our relationships with the ex-family and it is possible to maintain those loving friendships if you can also accept the new status quo with the ex and ow. I know my kids are glad we can get along. We'll never be friends, but I can handle her being a part of family now.

Love and hugs
kamary

She's actually not the Ow. He didn't end up with the OW, thank goodness, but still it bothers me for someone else to take my place. I don't have anything against her except jealousy. She might be a lovely person for all I know.

That is one emotion i do not have
Or at least i dont think so. I try not
To think about her, that is my sanity
pill. Its my ex that i have "The issues"
With and his enabling mother.

Hugs

(((( cmonge ))))

The more i thought about it that is why
People say do not look at social media
of them. I have never seen a picture of
Them together because they both blocked
Me. Yipee! I was spared some pain.

Hugs

I have no ex family to feel that loss. No family on my side either except my two daughters. The ex was estranged from his mother and she died long before I ever thought of Divorce. His father died two days after I filed for divorce and I had only seen that man maybe five times over a 33 year marriage. The ex wasn't close with his parents. The ex has a sister I haven't heard from in a long time. She's too many states away and not close with her brother.

I have seen lots of photos of the new wife. Pictures of them wearing wedding rings before I ever thought of Divorce. I will write this again. None of this was her fault. She had no way to know he was married. I got a little over half of the assets we put together during our marriage. She is a lot like me and will be there for him. She will come out with the rest of his assets and will have earned every bit of it for putting up with a narcissistic alcoholic. I have no problem with her but I do with the ex. He has walked away from his daughter and hasn't even seen his little grandson who curls his lip up like his grandfather when he is making funny faces. That's his loss and I see those two children every chance I get.

I do miss the MIL from my first marriage. She was so kind to me when the rest of her family and mine were not very kind. She has passed a long time ago and I often think of her.

Miranda, staying off social media or blocking people who might have pics of him is wise but difficult. I was on FB for 7 years before he suddenly joined 6 months ago. I did delete the app off my phone after he did that because it was like a landmine. We shared 80 friends!! But I miss the connection that FB gives me to many people and I resent that I have to live without something I enjoy because of him! I go on less frequently now and tread carefully but I can see that it will only get worse now that they are so visible. Either that, or I will become numb and not even care. Build up that callous.
Thanks for the hugs.

I do not look forward to my day of seeing
Them together. I have tears even thinking
About it. I have so much anger and some
Rage toward him. I hope i act mature thats
All i ask of myself.

No pictures yet so all to the good. I am
Blessed they blocked me. I can look at
Their Time line and at old photos thats it. I
Have looked But can not see anything newer.

My ex still has when he met her flirts
On his timeline that kind if stuff. He was
Much more into sexting texting,He liked
that stuff.

Sorry to go on, i shouldnt even post it.
I am triggered by him again even with
No contact.

((((( cmonge)))))

I am no longer FB friends with my daughters as they know there are certain things they might post that would hurt me, so I defriended them as well. We do just fine with phone, text and Skype. I have remained on FB with my own family members since we are all so far apart. It's our way of staying connected. NEVER would I be "friends" with the ex or the OW.

I agree totally about "ripple effects". My XMIL never let me go, but my XFIL (who passed away in 2012) seemed to take his son's side and was all like "He was unhappy, but we harbor nothing against you." He left that as a voicemail and I never called him back or went to his funeral. My XMIL and I remain friends to this day although she certainly for almost 30 years was my "other mother" and still thinks of me as her daughter. I also have an XSIL who will always be my "sister" and totally sided with me during the divorce. He may have broken our family "unit", but he didn't break the entire family.

As for the OW, Facebook "suggested" her as a friend to me (I suppose since my daughters are friends with her on FB). I deleted it. She and my ex had a 6 year affair while we were married, then married 4 months after the ink was dry on our divorce papers. What bothers me is my adult daughters hold nothing against their father...like he did nothing wrong. It's like the "unspoken" elephant in the room. My DD30 said once, "I know Dad has his flaws." Finally. Good enough for me.

Best thing to do when you see the OW is look fabulous and smile and laugh. That's what I did at DD30's wedding. I looked amazing (Dh even said I was THE best looking woman at the wedding.) and the OW looked like a grandmother and dressed like one. Dh said she had a big butt. I replied, "How funny. Her own husband said that about her 20 years ago." We both had a good laugh.

Find yourself again and try to find little things to be grateful for. I know it's hard, but my faith and doing that helped me through my darkest hours.

9 years no contact has worked great for me, by the way. :)

This is one reason I am not on FB. I had a very close in-law family for more than 26 years. Initially after our separation, I felt support from them, but gradually the OW was accepted into the family. Because of how hurt I was, I gradually detached from relationships with them. My ex MIL and FIL are now passed away. I have very occasional contact (via text) with my ex SIL. I will text Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas to my niece and nephews. But that's about it. I miss the relationships I had with them, but it hurts too much to stay close to them knowing they are close to ex and OW. Yes, divorce affects everyone!

I just had to look at my EXES GF FB timeline
Its her bday. Sure enough my ex MIL sent
Her two online b cards. MY ML loves the new
Gf and is not shy expressing it.

The GF will probably Get a online mothers day card.
None of the Others got a mothers day card online Last
year just this woman, she is a very special snowflake
it seems.

(((((Hugs))))

Mirandac

I don't get staying 'friends' on any level with ex's. It just seems so odd to me! Especially in the case of marriages that ended with rancor and/or pain. Sooooo - why stay connected to our ex's family on social media where we are highly likely to see posts that mention or include our exes

I'd stay a mile away. My ex was never and I think may still not be on fb. I was friends with a few of his cousins on there but they almost never posted. No contact for all has been a good thing for me. I don't have to worry about what is right or wrong re comments or connections...my life is my own.

All you need to do is block the girlfriend. She won't be able to see what you post on social media if you have her blocked.