Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Ex becoming worse by the day!

drtexdi
drtexdi
You know I thought that as I traveled down this divorce road that things would get better between my Ex and me! Ha, that's what I get for thinking! My son and daughter-in-law and grandson are headed to Idaho for a visit and my ex texted them today to tell them that he and his "new family" won't be back from a vacation to Mount Rushmore on the day that they plan to get to his house. He did suggest they meet in Nebraska and travel back together. Then he texted me accusing me of encouraging them to drive too far in one day and that I was going to get them killed. I told him they were waiting to leave until midnight so that they could get my grandson's formula from WIC and I didn't like it either but I at least volunteered to take grandson for a couple of days and nights so they could sleep and get ready for trip. Then he had the nerve to start asking about the boys' school bills and accusing me of lying about this and that. He loves to rewrite history, the present and the future. I know. I know. I shouldn't even respond to him. After a few exchanges he said his gf said, why do you even talk to her? I finally got a brain and said, "I should not be talking to you at all about their school bills. You don't pay a penny!" Then I said, "Just make sure I get proof of my youngest' son's insurance in August." Now mind you, both boys only have to pay for books so he has no room to complain even if he were helping pay for books or a car or car insurance or a cell phone or any other expense that comes my way. He isn't paying anything. He will pay for insurance however. I'm done being nice!
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
iammine what a perfect description of the ex. Anyway, Diane, the next time he texts, just reply, that is nice and whatever, if you say so. If he calls and starts saying is that all you have to say, Yes, and go and talk to the man in the mirror. He care more about this than I do. HANG UP. My ex would not dare call me. He knows that I would take him apart. Grrrrrrrr, they are trying to redefine the meaning of stupidity.
kamary
kamary
Di, I think it's very rare for divorced couples to remain or become friends. My ex stopped being my friend 20 years before I finally faced the truth and left. The chances of us ever being friends again are veryvery slim; actually - impossible, because I don't trust him any more.

I think that recent conversation with your ex has helped you to see that he will never be a friend, and is persisting in creating issues out of nothing. I'm so glad you saw him for what he is, and finally responded to him from your own position of strength.

Your son is independent now with his own family. He and his wife make their own decisions which is how it should be. Of course, we, as parents, can suggest alternatives if our kids are willing to listen, but your ex is way out of line suggesting you should be telling your son what to do. Anyway, if he'd been talking to them, why didn't he take it on himself to tell them? He was just stirring you up, Di, and you saw through him. Good on you.
drtexdi
drtexdi
As usual you guys are right on. I should tell you that the purpose of the trip is not to see the X and his new family. It is to go to Church camp for a week (my son is the assistant director) and then to bring the youngest son's gf back with them to the university here. My son and DIL are not particularly thrilled about the part of the trip that involves X's gf and her kids (they are nuts).

There is no reason to speak to him (actually he only texts, never calls - cowardly) since he pays no bills. I think this post and your comments have brought me to the conclusion that there will be no response to his texts from now on. Actually that is the only way to get "win." If he gets a response he chalks up a W. It is time for complete NC.
kamary
kamary
Sounds good, Di :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am keeping you in prayers! You go girl!!
Hugs
Cheryl
KRKing911
KRKing911
You X is a dick. Mine is too... My oh my what a lot of dicks in this world. Don't talk to him anymore - he's not worth your breath.
iammine
iammine
Way to go Diane! This move will empower you. Good luck. We all falter with no contact sometimes, but we can sure put in a good effort - Best!
JaMama
JaMama
He is an emotional abuser. Telling you what you did and that you will get the kids killed. Makes me think that he was unhappy with your sons plans for some reason and doesn't want to talk to your son about it so he takes it out on you.

I got tired of the whipping boy role. I know that makes X upset. Now who can he take his anger out on?

When I go for an extended period without contact with X, I feel good, optomistic and consider the possiblity of having a cordial relationship with him just so events with the kids can be more comfortable. I am always reminded why I went no contact. He takes advantage of me everytime. When the kids have to manage their parents because we can't speak, be in the same room or at a dinner table together, I feel badly for them. I have to remind myself that this is one of those things that I can not change for them. They just have to deal with it, just as I have to deal with it too.

Diane I think I know why you try to talk to your X even though you don't want to have anything to do with him. I have done it. I am always reminded why I am no contact with him except emails.

Peace
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