Diane, you already know that your mistake in this was allowing him to ENGAGE YOU in this stupid exchange. Certainly you know by now that you have NOTHING to discuss with him and no reason why you need to justify ANYTHING to him.

Hopefully, this will be the LAST TIME you allow yourself to get sucked in like this. Your boys are young adults and they can communicate with him if and when they feel like it. You have no need to talk to him about anything other than the insurance deal.

No need to be nice -- standing up for yourself is NOT being nasty...it's being SMART and STRONG!

Diane - do not even get engaged with him. You are a smart and brave woman who he does not deserve and who is better than him. You don't have to justify your actions and do not have to deal with them. I wish you all the best because you are a very special person.

I wouldn't even talk to him at all-one of the first things I learned here that had never even occurred to me. He is not worthy of your time and effort, especially if it is upsetting you. He's gonna think what he wants regardless of what you say.

He's a jerk and your boys are grown so there is no reason to even have to respond to this man. I just had to have contact with the ex a couple of weeks ago and it just confirmed what an ass he is. In fact I thought his stunts were rather funny and it was all I could do not to laugh at his many lies.

They are still little boys who never grew up and are acting like bullies in the playground. You don't even have to tell him you are going no contact. You just don't respond.

I know this has happened to us all at one point or another. They always make you feel like crap and get all our defences up and our minds whirring places it does not need to go. Regain your peace and stick to your guns! You are an amazing woman and do not need that kind of crazziness!! Stay strong!

I agree with the others--you don't have to talk to him. If he calls and starts his tirade, simply say, "I have nothing to say" and hang up.

So sorry you're dealing with this. I don't get these cheaters--they get what they want and still bitch! Mine is the same way.

Sending hugs!

Me too, I agree. I know it's hard, but it's causing you huge grief due to these exchanges with the EX in order to take care of things. I'm sorry he is such an ass. Mine loves to blame me for stuff too. I have found dropping contact when he starts that crap saves me from getting worked up. He will never see things from my side. You are dealing with someone who not only lacks character but empathy too. (((HUGS)))

He is a ass.
Dont bother with him ever.

Diane, I can tell you are 'this close' to going no-contact with him. You'll be so relieved when you don't have to deal with his silliness. Let him stew over 'issues' with the poor woman who inherited him - give yourself some peace!

I suggest that you correspond with him by email ONLY and only on matters pertaining to finances for the boys.

As to what you do or don't do, say or don't say with your son and his family, it's NONE of you ex's business! You don't have a 'shared' relationship with your ex anymore, and it's NONE of his business how you conduct yourself with your kids.

You ex is just trying vilify you in anyway that he can so that he can feel better about his own lame behavior. Classic narcissist move.

Stay strong, and stay AWAY from speaking with him! You will breathe a sigh of relief when you commit to yourself that you will not respond further to his insults and jibes. Thinking of you! Best

First, you can not monitor your son, his wife and the GC's relationship with your ex husband, no matter how much you think this is amicable between you and the ex.. Your sons are adults, one is a parent himself and should be financially and emotionally independent from both you and the ex. Your younger son, in college, your ex not helping, so why discuss with him? You should not be involved with any conversations concerning their driving, arrangements, WIC or whatever to the ex. That is theirs to communicate to their father as adults without you involved. Just the part alone that you did this or you did that coming from an ex, I would be done. What his GF said, how do you know that.. and here is the sad part, she is right, why is he talking to you or you to him.

IF he texts you again, start by not responding. What I see from so many people is the need to be " in touch" by being involved with talking about your kids between them.. adult children. This is blunt from me, you want to be in touch with him, or else you would not do it. What I see is your resentment that you are paying for the sons, and he is not and they have a relationship with him. You can not change that. You can change you.. believe this, is is very liberating to not answer message or texts from him.

Some people are in the game because they want to be.. if you do not want to be in the game with an ex, get out. Really look at why you are text M him or talking to an ex at all. This is very hard, and I suspect that like many you have the dream that you and he will be amicable for the "kids". Maybe some day, but sounds like not right now. HUGS

Hi Diane,

That’s what happens when you try to be nice.
When I use to meet my x at and function concerning my son or
Grandchildren , I use to say hi and how are you… All I got back was some sarcastic remarks. So now … all I say is hello. NO (How are yous) No conversation start up . Oh, it’s hard for me , because it’s not my nature to be like that……………… But it’s for the best………..
Your x is being …….Sorry to say … an ASS. He should not be like that . Shouldn’t say those things…. NOT NICE. Just let him be ….. Least contact the better…..
You know!!!!!!! that you are a better person Diane…. Because you would never do that. So, .well…………. Let God take care of him ……..however he chooses…. People that say things like that are usually not happy with themselves, have some guilt or are envious.
Yes, it’s going to bother you far a while…. , because it’s hard to hear something like that from someone that you once shared so much with ………… It’s their choice……
Soooooooooooooo, go out and have a good day today……
Ok………….
Got to go…………… take care………. God be with you !!!
Timeman …Bob

Diane...I think you handled this very well. In a way...one could choose to look at this with a bit of humour. I mean..crap...the guy pays for next to nothing but makes it appear he's under such a financial burden. I know this move very well...its for show...its to get sympathy and its to justify his actions. Its for the benefit of who ever is listening on the other end of the phone call. So...what grade is he in?

Going no contact is the best way to go..but...there are times where you just have to have contact. When we have children with the ex's...contact will happen. Its up to us to make it as less painful as possible. Yup...we did all the compromising in the marriage and we will do it in the divorce and probably forever. I faced this problem when I went with my ex to our daughters graduation...I had a choice...I could kick up a fuss and make it miserable for everyone...or...bite the bullet and I be the only one thats miserable. We do it for our children...regardless of there age...we then go on to do it for our grandchildren. Compromising for our childrens sake does not translate into being a victim. It does not mean our ex's can take advantage of us nor does it mean they can disrespect us. It simply means we are choosing the lesser of the 2 evils and we are doing it purposefully and with grace and self respect. You did great Diane...Big Hugs...Kathy

Kinda like my X wanting my son to switch to a cheaper college after he's been there two years when my X DIDN'T PAY A PENNY

He is aiming at your weak spot--the kids. He can't get to you any other way, so he is going through the kids. YOU aren't a good mother because you are ALLOWING the kids to make their own choices. The kids won't cater to his whims so that is your fault also. Sometimes we get away from the source and fall into a comfortable peace--we forget what they really are. I know it's hard enough to watch your son and his family leave to make a drive across the entire continent--ex probably does also, so he takes a stab at you when you are feeling helpless. I'll be surprised if he doesn't give them a bit of cash and then turn it into "Your mother doesn't care enough to make sure you will be ok on this trip." BE STRONG. You are a wonderful person and mother and he is with.............ick (shudder).

drtexdi: Are you serious? I know you're pulling my leg. Surely, you're not upset the ex is BECOMING worse....heavens, you already knew that ! [I'm joking with you]. You just needed that little tap on the head from the ex as a reminder to stay clear.