Yeah I had a dream that I was still married to the EX this week. He was his usual asswipe self. Christmas came and he didn't get me a gift, then the next Christmas, same thing. He was proving a point. He did that during marriage counseling when he would not do any of the suggestions the counselor made. I was so relieved when I woke up to find it was a dream. Dreaming about an EX does not mean anything bad. The subconscious is busy during the night looking for things to do, I guess dreaming is one of them, and people in dreams need a face.

Some people are the marrying type and enjoy falling in love. As a big star E Taylor was surrounded by many men who wanted her attention. If she had a less famous life, I doubt she would have married so many times.

As far as trying to figure out what happened......I don't try anymore. When you are together a long time, little things pile up, then something comes along to break the camels back. Love is a decision. Doesn't sound so romantic, but when you are going for the long haul...that's the foundation that will carry you.My EX uses the "we grew apart," line when breaking the news, but for me it was the cheating.

(((HUGS))))

Misred, just laughed at your first para.. lol Sorry I feel the same way sometimes hugs to you all

For me...dreams represent unfinished business or unaddressed emotional issues. I had a dream last night about my DIL...it was not a pleasant one. When I look at the emotions brought up in the dream I can see those same emotions in everyday life...ones I have had to bit my tong about. The dream amplified the emotions and the actions in the dream were unrealistic and even a bit bizarre. In this dream I was able to confront her and speak my mind...the dream did not end well and I suspect if I were to actually bring these issues up to her in real life...it wouldn't end well either...besides...its really none of my business...but through dreams I was able to dissipate those emotions and maybe even find a place to just allow her to work her problems out without my interference and just be there for love and support.

I used to dream about my ex all the time...its been quite a while since I have. In hind sight I believe they helped me work out a lot of those intense hurtful emotions. I also had many conversations with him about what happened...I think I am one of the few who were able to do that...and get honest answers. Having those conversations in the beginning was a double edged sword...it was both helpful and detrimental. Now 51/2 years later...there is nothing that hasnt been said...for me...that is a good thing.

Starting...I dont think its unusual to have the odd dream about our ex's...they were a big part of our lives and will continue to be if children are involved...you can not escape it. Even though you have remarried...I dont think its unusual to get those 2 lives intermingled in dreams because you are intertwined in real life. You will never be unattached to your ex if you had children...in the eyes of the law you may be...but emotionally its impossible.

I think it all depends on how often this is happening and how intense the emotions are in your dreams. If it is happening often and the emotions are disturbing or unsettling...perhaps you need to do something about it...like see a therapist to get to the bottom of it. Perhaps enough time has passed where you could sit down with your ex and ask the questions you dont have answers for...of coarse this depends on the relationship you have with him.

Dreams are an interesting thing...I do believe they are the windows to our subconscious...I also believe they are a vital tool to our everyday well being...tools that should be paid attention to...but that is just my opinion...Big Hugs...Kathy

Kathy...like you, there was nothing left unsaid between my ex and myself. Honestly, he hasn't been in my dreams lately and it's rare when he is. There is never anything emotional about it. In this dream we were in Miami working on our marriage and also had a baby girl together...which is probably symbolic as we had 4 of them!

So, as for any emotional baggage with him...there is none. But, I do agree that if you have children with someone, then there's always going to be an attachment simply because you have kids together. I'm lucky that my children are adults, so their father and I don't have to deal with each other in any way which is the way we both like it. Up until my DD29's wedding last Fall, we had not seen each other for 4 years.

I guess what I dislike most my ex being in my dreams is the feeling of betrayal I feel in regards to my dh...which sounds crazy I know, but it's HIM who should be in my dreams...not my ex.

Misred...what you call your ex made me laugh! I like it. lol My ex, like yours, was given suggestions by our marriage counselor and did none of them...just like yours. I read somewhere once that if someone has "checked out" as my ex did 7 years before he left, by the time the couple goes to marriage counseling, it's too late...which it was for us.

Hugs to you all, too and, if you live anywhere cold...stay WARM! Sure glad I don't work outside today!

i posted on here just recently about having "exass" dreams. But I talked to someone familiar with dream interpretation.

Did you see him clearly? I didn't. The more I dream of him the less his image is there. Still the things we went thru but now he is diminishing. I too saw a little girl in the last one. Interpretation was it may have been me in a happy moment of childhood. I now give no credence to dreaming of him.

I could never meet up with exass to get answers. Why? He lied through our marriage of 29 yrs so why would he start with the truth now. He cheated repeatedly. And I mean repeatedly!!! He sat before our counselor and went on and on about how great a wife I was and how it hurt to see me cry. Yet, he went and did the same ole crap right after. Even married the last (maybe she was the last, lol) he had affair with. So meeting is a waste.

To wrap it up, dreams are dreams. They mean nothing in the real world. It may be something you are holding on to yet. Try that link I posted under "interesting". Very informative. I tried it. I am happy.

RE: I read somewhere once that if someone has "checked out" as my ex did 7 years before he left, by the time the couple goes to marriage counseling, it's too late

I agree....all the nails were in the coffin, I was just the last one to know. I can laugh about it now even though at the time it hurt like hell. I am confident I made the right choice in the end.

Then why the feelings of betrayal? They are just dreams not real life. What have you done to feel betrayal? Have you shared these dreams with your now husband...if not...why? Chances are really high he has dreams of his past life too. Perhaps your not sharing them is what is causing those feelings of betrayal. Sharing them could dissipate that feeling. Honesty is freeing...Big Hugs...Kathy

I like what nohappy said re "dreams are dreams". JUST dreams! They are NOT reality. Our psyche and subconscious are always at play and unless you're a psychiatrist or analyst of some sort (not being sarcastic here...I mean in reality!) I say don't "over-analyse" yourself! I'm guilty of this for sure, and I think women do it WAY more than men in general , but if you're happily married to a good man whom you love in the here and now then....let it be. Lucky YOU I say!

Enjoy the life you are living.. The past is the past. Your ex was your first love. He will always have that place in your memory. But your heart has let him go. I think maybe that love leaves a lasting imprint that is maybe a little more "set' for some than others. So maybe that's the case with you. It's okay! Don't beat yourself up over it or read more into it then necessary.

Dreams are....just dreams! Your reality is happening now and involves the people who are in your life here and now. Your ex is not in that category. He's history. Leave him there I say!

I lived longer with my ex than I have with my parents and on my own combined. Spending that much time together is going to take a long time for new memories and experiences to replace. I still come up with punch lines to our inside jokes, no one would get them but us. I still note favorite foods, pastimes, dubious fashion statements (black socks with sandals anyone??), but I look at these moments, or dreams, recognize they were from a former time, and let them fall by the wayside. Like someone that's died, this person was in my live a long time, and I'm still letting go, a moment here, a dream there....
I am, in the meantime, building new relationships and experiences to populate my future memories and dreams. I think you'll find your new love will do exactly that for you too.

As others have said here, the subconscious has an odd sense of humor. I have had multiple dreams over the last 8 years with my ex in them. Some of the dreams were helping me sort out an issue with him that had no closure. The dream gave me closure.
I lived with mine longer than I lived with my parents too, and when you share a home and have children together and experiences (good and bad) it's normal for those dreams to pop up!

:)

I can truly appreciate how these invasive dreams can be upsetting or offputting. I never dreamed of my ex during our separation or divorce proceedings. Then, a few months ago when I thought I had finally turned a corner in my healing and moved on, the dreams started in with a vengeance. I was curious at first and then became more upset. I'm a very vivid dreamer, so it would take me quite a while each day to calm myself and remember that it was just a dream. I started doing research on this phenomenon. I found that exes are often mirrors in our subconscious to make us aware of areas in our life where we are lacking in something. If we feel alone or without love, then they are reminders of how we used to feel loved and how we wish to again. The dreams rarely have anything to do with the actual person. And, as someone pointed out, the ex is usually more symbolic and rarely actually looks like the person. In my case, the dreams are varied, but have been occurring on a very regular basis. I've been under a lot of stress lately with school and have lost my dog and a family friend. I think this plays a part. Perhaps you are experiencing some stress or anxiety which is fueling your dreams.

But, I also agree that we shouldn't place too much merit or concern on the content of our dreams because sometimes we dream simply so that our subconscious mind can relieve itself of too much information or concern.

Hugs to you. I hope you will soon be ex-free in your dreaming. I know I sure hope to be soon.

I wish I listened to my dreams. I had dreams about that ex, long before I left him. Always me looking for him, but not finding him anywhere. My son and I looking for him and my daughter. Then my daughter, son and I driving down the street, looking for our house. Not finding the house nor him. I guess the dreams were trying to tell me that my marriage was in trouble. Or he was never really committed to it. If I do dream about him, he is like a shadow, I know that it is him, but I cannot recognize him. A couple of weeks ago, I had a dream about his mother and a young girl. There is a feeling of someone dying. Well, what will be, will be. Hugs No, I do not dream about winning numbers. Have been asked that too.