Sure you do, it just takes time - average is something like 1 year for every 4-5 together. You'll get there honey don't worry and believe me you are not alone.

Everybody is different. I am three and a half years post-divorce, and I still feel sad deep down. I'm not sad all the time, but a part of my heart is still sad for the loss of the life we had for 25 years and the loss of what won't be. But I don't dwell on it. I keep busy and I have a lot of good people and things in my life that make me happy. I know what you mean about having a great time with others then coming home and feeling alone or sad. I have tried to cultivate new single friends, and I do have a few. But the vast majority of the women that I know are married or have a significant other in their lives. I enjoy getting together and I value their friendships, but it does make me realize what I don't have anymore and still miss. I'm not sure if I believe in complete healing after divorce. Maybe for some, but for me no amount of friends or activities completely take away the sense of loss. But it does not dictate my life. For the most part, I am enjoying life again.

Julie are you willing to go to support groups?
They help a lot, divorce care is great They are
in most areas worldwide. www.divorcecare.org

This is an intense and long journey of feeling your
Feelings and emotions and facing your truths so
You can move on emotionally,mentally and spiritually.

I think most on here were blindsided and were in for a
Lifetime. I believed in my marriage and husband For years
then things changed and he became much Worse acting
because he was not honest about himself or his feelings.

My ex refused to try to work on us he was Checked out
and was long gone along with that came a lot of bad behavior
from him that i did not deserve. My reality Went into denial
for self protection and not knowing where to turn.

You are not alone, i am detaching slowly and i have beat
Every bush i could find to get better. I am 11 months divorced
Now And the pain, hurt and confusion is still there. I am trying
To find my new normal and get a social life going. Its hard when
You are not really all there and are hurting.

(((((( hugs)))))

From a mans perspective

Death of her wedding vows
Death of "our" children's family
Death of all future "family" days

Juggling bullshit for all the future milestone days in the lives of my children

No , I'll always have a layer of sadness

I will always be sad for what 'might have been' and wish I could have the good times back. Then I remember there were no good times during the last 8-10 years of my marriage. It still hurts.

I go back to no good since 2003, he started being
Nasty why did i not leave him then. He was in crisis
I thought he would work thru his issues, no i was
The problem.

(((( hugs )))

I believe that most of us will always hold a bit of sadness (and what I call "wistful thinking") about what COULD have been. There wasn't anything so wrong in most of our marriages that couldn't have been fixed -- but that requires commitment and effort by BOTH parties. Unfortunately, in too many cases, one or the other has already disconnected and their loyalties have been placed elsewhere.

The now-X abandoned our marriage in August 2005. The Divorce from Hell was finally final in March 2007. This past August marked 10 YEARS since the Day of Devastation and I have to admit, I found myself sinking into a deep funk as the date approached. Even though I KNOW I am much better off alone than with someone like him, I still weep once in awhile. What he did to me was so uncalled for and so unfair. While I don't wish him bodily harm anymore, I hope that he suffers from insomnia and GUILT even though he is remarried (NOT the affair partner) and that he will carry that to his grave.

As for me, I just have to keep looking forward and treat myself very well. You'll get there -- it just takes time.

Holding you in thought and prayer. xoxo

To help get through the devastation divorce brought to my doorstep...I had to keep reminding myself of all the crisis I had endured in my past. The loss of my first child...the loss of my father at the age of 45...the loss of my mother at the age of 67..the list goes on. I survived those losses yet a part of me still misses them and I feel a sense of sadness with all the events they should have been here for. Divorce is the same...yes it hurts and yes we miss what could have been..but like all those other losses...I survived and have gone on to build a new life without that person in it. With divorce the hurt runs a little deeper due to the fact he is still here...it was his choice to leave...there was nothing I could do to change it...however...again...like all those other losses...you find a way to start over carrying that loss with you. Its a life event that changes you and you have control over how much it effects you. I think its perfectly normal for us to feel sad...Big Hugs...Kathy

I was fortunate to have access to all his emails to his many "friends"; to see what my then husband was really like. That didn't make the divorce hurt any less and yes I was the one who filed for my "procedure" as the ex called our divorce. The whole divorce process was a sad process for all of us and our daughter most of all.

I'm now almost 9 years post divorce and I know I did the right thing for me. I simply could not live a life full of his lies. What makes me sad is the look on my daughter's face if she mentions her dad. She was daddy's little girl and he cut her from his life. He hasn't even seen his little grandson and he is now 2 1/2 years old. Her dad is only about three hours away from where she lives.

Like Cowgirl if I think of the ex it's more a wistful thinking and wondering what our life could have been if the ex wasn't so morally corrupt. Now I find it really hard to be sad for someone who tore many lives apart just because he could. He's gone and I've moved on to make a life for myself that includes my two daughters. One in the next state and one three states away from where I live. I am blessed to have won this farm from the ex and I bear him no ill will. The past is just that and I'm much too busy to let the ex fill up my mind with thoughts of him.

Gradually most of the sadness you feel will go away. Our spouses were in our lives for many years and those thoughts about them don't disappear overnight. It will take time and making a new life for yourself.

Im eight years into it. I have no children no family . So when he cut me loose, it was to live and die alone. No hope for a moment more within human society. I paste the best face on going everywhere I go alone. I choke down my meals. I cry every single day.
If you have family : CLING.
My greatest regret is that I did not end my life the moment my only family left me behind, What has followed had humiliated and injured and excluded me from all things I desire.
Being forced to be alone almost every moment of the last 8 years has almost unhinged me,
I hope you have support and relations.
Oh yeah and have some rancid pointless positive bullshit with that...
Hope you have work you love, family that supports, friends that share. Otherwise? its... biblical.
Good luck with your recovery from one who has none.

Boydie sending you a big hug, i hope you are
Just venting. Many people come from dysfunctional
Families so having family support is not the answer all.

During my divorce i refused to discuss it with my
Mother. She has issues and it wasnt full of love and
Support. We hung around mostly with my exes
Family. I am person non grata now with some of them
Since i have no children. I just let it alone. If i had
Grand babies it would be different.

Actually i am very happy not to have had children
With him now. We would have been divorced sooner
And no crossover events now.

((((((Hugs)))))

I ask myself that question a lot, I'm only two years out but most days, the pain is still very close to my heart. I've come a long way but still have a ways to go but for the most part I am able to function and find some peace in my new life, finally.

@ Boydie, my heart is so sad for you, please find something, someone to help you through things, whatever it takes to put a real smile on your face, it can be done, I'm living proof of that, I'm sorry you are in such pain......Not sure if you believe or not, but God is always with us, we are never truly alone and I know and believe that with every fiber of my being, he will help you, he will guide you, he walks with you, ask for his spirit to help you, trust in him, have faith and have hope.

Don't mean to be preachy everyone, just feeling blessed today. I really appreciate all of you and pray for all of our continued healing, whatever stage we're in!!

Yougospam:
There is nothing better for us than having an attitude of gratitude every single day. Sure, we may have those days when we feel the whole world is against us, but we don't have to look very far to see folks who are a lot worse off. I always try to be grateful for what I do have and not be envious of those who have more. There is a special beauty in simplicity!

I have gotten thru most of this pain because of my
Belief in God and him holding my hand giving me
Strength and courage to go on. One baby step to
A time. He loves me as i now love myself. Its a
Gift of the highest kinds.

(((((( boydie)))

9 years post divorce and still have a layer of sadness as everyone else has said...for the family we WERE, the dreams of a future AS a family, etc...

I call us "the broken family". My girls are distant, holidays are still hard, I rarely hear from them and when DD32 came home last summer and said how she didn't miss "family", but missed "individuals", my heart broke all over again. Nothing will ever be the same and yes...I feel sad about that every day. Do I blame my exass? You bet! But, he convinced my children that it's perfectly fine to put your own selfish happiness before family or anything else. Any time I cross paths with him, he always has the same stupid grin on his face and I just look away. It's like he's saying "Look at me. I'm all happy and totally did the right thing." not even caring how it impacted our kids. What a great parent. But, because he's bought our girls' love, they never held anything against him and bought his bs.