Releasing the anger is part of the process -- regardless of at which stage it occurs. It's what you do with that anger that is most important! I didn't realize it, but for years I had released my anger in very creative ways -- like landscaping my 7 acre farm! I had perennial gardens EVERYWHERE that involved a lot of hard work every year -- edging, mulching, dividing, replanting -- I got to the point where I thought I was going to have to find a local chapter of Gardeners' Anonymous!

My sister found a very lucrative way to deal with her anger when she was going through divorce! She went to her local Goodwill and bought up lots of old china plates; took them home and flung them against the concrete foundation of her house. THEN she took the pieces and made beautiful mosaic table tops for the end tables and occasional tables she picked up at yard sales. Made some money in the deal, which was really sweet.

Whatever you do, just make sure you keep that anger FOCUSED on something that is not harmful to you or anyone else (I don't think this would be the case with you)...just sayin'. Big hugs and thanks for sharing!

I would not be alarmed. For me...I'm 5 years post divorce...anger still surfaces but to a much lesser degree. Actually...if I had not gone through divorce...anger would still surface from time to time...I believe its a natural emotion for everyone regardless of where they are at in life. How you deal with it is whats important.

I like CGK focused and funnelled my anger during divorce...my yard and house shows it. I used it as a motivator and accomplished a lot. Its funny though..this last year...I have not accomplished anywhere near what I have done in the years prior. Keep up the good work Kim...since your questioning..it shows your open to solutions...Big Hugs..Kathy

Great response Kathi! I also find myself intermittently angry these days...although I find that it just sort of dissipates after a day or some brief reflection. I don't 'do' anything...although perhaps I should lol!

It especially hits me when I hear some 'good' news about him...for instance, my youngest told me that his dad couldn't drive him back to school because he's 'away' on vacation. Heck, every time I turn around I hear that he's on vacation! He makes a very good living, as does his new wife (both high level government employees) so they have lots of perks, like extensive vacation time...and the money to enjoy it.

I feel angry that he SEEMS to be enjoying his new life, and yet....I don't really KNOW that he is! At least that is what I tell myself when my jealousy rears it's ugly head!

I know that I have to get past caring what he's up to or manufacturing his 'happier' status. In fact, I am personally quite happy! I have a wonderful new relationship with a great guy....I very well could be happier than him. He may have married the ow JUST to prove something...maybe he doesn't even love her?!

Point is, I will never know. And I want very, very much not to care. But I'm not there yet. So Kim, I think it's just a matter of giving it time and letting it run it's course. Perhaps, like me, you were in too much emotional pain to experience the 'angry' phase earlier on. NOW you are angry?! It's okay. Be angry. It'll pass. You're way too smart and have made way too much progress to let it worry you. You're good, sister! As my son would say, stay calm and chive on! (What on earth does that mean? no idea...)

I used my anger at the ex to get this farm close to being finished. I worked longer and harder. Once the ex got vindictive with me I used my anger to get him back in court. Most of my anger left when this farm was deeded to me. There are still things that need to be done on this farm but I'm in no hurry.

I still get angry but because I can't get all the work done. My help doesn't come to work or something breaks. The anger at the ex is just about gone. I even laughed when I accidently opened a dental bill of the ex that somehow was sent to my home. Surely he's been to the dentist in the last 6 years and insurance has his new address.LOL

Anger can be a great motivator to make that new life for yourself.

Kim, first let me tell you how happy I am that your are angry:) Yay!! I don't think it matters that it's later than you expected.

I just posted the Grief Wheel in the Photos section again so that it's right at the top for you to look at. There's no definite timeline or order for things to happen during the process. You can be anywhere on the wheel at any given time and you can move backwards and forwards too. Everyone's process is different. The main thing is that we all pass through all the steps on the wheel so that we reach Recovery eventually.

I still have moments when anger surprises me. As time goes by, it's become obvious that these moments coincide with news of or seeing my ex. People only have to mention his name and all the hurt and pain returns. Yes, Iammine, also the jealousy because of the ow. I think sometimes that I'm actually angry at myself as well... because I so want to be free of all this. Time to see my therapist again.

I used to do the housework madly, gardened, beat rugs and went for long walks. The main thing is to allow it to happen. Make sure no one can hear you and yell if you want to. Pretend he's there and say everything you always wanted to say. Call him names. I actually used the "f" word very often when I let myself do this, and I really disapprove of that word as a rule. Then when you calm down, give him to God, let him go, and get back to living your lovely new free life.

love and hugs
kamary

September 1st in most states is the beginning of Dove season. Hunters are allowed 15 birds a day. It takes an average hunter 2.5 shots per bird because they fly so fast and dart left to right. So as a beginner you could potentially shot a case a shells in a two-three day period.
It has an amazing effect on your leveling your emotions. Get outdoors, shot the shotgun a couple hundred times, and wha-la...anger gone.
And BTW - the Doves are tasty treats.

Time4Kim--I totally get that you are angry now. It took me a long time to get over my anger; in fact, it was one of the toughest hurdles in the healing process, and even now, after six years, it can still bubble to the surface. I especially have anger when something breaks and I can't fix it. It is then that I will shed a tear or two, say out loud, "I hate that motherf$%^er" and then dust myself off and get on with life.

I am glad you are feeling the anger and dealing with it. As part of the healing process, you need to feel and experience the emotions in order to move to total healing. The others are so right--putting that anger into something constructive really does help. You will make it through this stage.

Sending healing hugs!

It will be 7 years separated and divorced and I still get angry at times. It will surface from time to time. When I saw that ex with his mommy at the doctors office, I felt this white raging anger. How I got home in one piece, only the Good Lord knows. That anger stayed for weeks. But now I am starting to calm down. I used that anger to get my place painted (hired painters) and renovated the bathroom. Anger is the last hurdle that we have to cross. It will be better, believe me. I know that it feels like it will stay around forever, but it will not. Please be gentle with yourself. Hugs

Kim,
As I have written in my posts previously I have not felt anger and I think that it is covered over by the hurt and shock. Yes, I still can't believe it. I usually can push it out of my mind but the past week only memories of all the good times have come up. I hate that because then I get depressed and sad. When that happens I feel like I want to do nothing when I am not at work. Many people say anger is so necessary toward healing but I can't feel that way yet. I hope it will come soon though. I am now just past 1 year post-separation and thought I was doing fantastic but hearing about the necessary anger and my last week's feelings make me realize that it will take a long time. I'm glad you have reached this stage although I thought you were doing so well anyway. You have come so far already and have so much insight and think so positively. I guess after reading everyone's posts you now know that what you are experiencing is very normal. Just another step for you toward wholeness and healing! Good luck!!
Hugs and love,
Donna
PS: I did miss your posts. Hope school is going well for you!!

My anger didn't come until later as well. My divorce was final July 2011 and it hasn't been until this year that the anger really began to percolate out. I've tossed photos and the wedding album. Went through the digital ones and got rid of his photo there as well. Got rid of lots of his books and other things that reminded me of him. I'm ready to sell the wedding ring and will the next time I'm in Texas visiting my sister. The dress has to go but hesitate to toss it in the garbage with the horse manure although that is probably a suitable resting place. When the house sells, I'll sell much of the furniture too. For me, much of my anger is mixed in with my life situation of being the one stuck in this very rural community, unemployed and trying to sell my flipping house by myself. I could skewer him! We moved here so he could live his "dream" and I'm the one left living it. So, yes, sometimes it takes awhile for the anger to come out. I had to get to the point to see him as he really was, how badly he treated me and that I did not deserve what he dished out. There were and are lots of things I didn't and don't want to look at too closely. My therapist helped me really see things more clearly and begin to clean out the emotional baggage. And I know I'm not done yet. I need a total exorcism. This is partly my motivation for selling and moving on physically, emotionally and mentally. I long to be whole again. (Thank you for the post. I needed to vent somewhere.)
It is interesting to note from the other posts how long the anger can linger. Most of it is legitimate since many of us were betrayed and thrown under the bus. Not being angry would be cause for concern. So, I'm glad you have reached the anger stage too, Kim,so you can get on with it. As Donna mentioned, "on toward wholeness and healing." Big Hugs.

I'm still waiting for the anger too. Separated since April of 2013 and divorced for 6 weeks. Only sad now

Anger at being used deceived and betrayed is healthy to deny injustice is to condone it

Kim

I still feel anger - esp since I am estranged from my children due to divorce.

I don't judge it - just let is be what it is. Part of the range of human emotion

I dont' have time right now to read all the responses so if I am repeating forgive me.

Everyone goes through the phases of grief differently. Even though you are not an angry bitter person by nature, this is an emotion you have to deal with at some point.

That said, at our ages, your sudden anger could also be hormonal. :) Maybe time for a physical.

I am fine...until he decides to talk or text me :)