(((HUGS))) You really shouldn't inquire what he's doing. It's too painful. Ask your daughter and anyone else not to bring up details. It is obvious it just adds to the burden you already carry. Don't let them take up rent in your head. Most likely he is going on about how happy he is so it gets back to you.

Not sure if there are men who sweep women off their feet anymore, but I get it.

Honey, I doubt it very much he is as happy as he said he is. There is that little doubt on their mind all the time as to what each other are doing when they are not around. Even if they are in the same room and they are on the phone. That little voice telling them, if they can do it with you they can do it to you. No trust, respect or even morals between them. So hold that head up high and smile. When my daughter tells me what her father is up to, my usual response is that is nice, does he want a cookie for that. He was really happy at first, now he is one miserable old man. Besides that, it is none of our business what they do. You have to look after number 1 and that is you.

I write this with sincerity of my heart.

A good friend just told me to allow the tears from the pain, don’t try to rush them away. I understand what you are saying, this is the hardest thing for us at this time to see and do... worry about us, but I keep telling myself that if these longer members can have such a powerful testimony and made it through... I too have that in me as well. Sometimes my days are so hard to press my way, (divorce final two weeks ago), but I know I have to do this for me, my kids and my grand's (they are counting on us to be strong).

Yes, knowing how you cherish your anniversary with him and for him is painful as well, it makes you realize maybe you were the only one who cherished it the most. My heart is aching so bad during these two days, because mine is approaching and it is no longer a special day... but I will scrap up a few dollars and go get my nails and toes pampered. I hope you find another way to enjoy this date as well. I know my post is all over the place, but I really hope it gives you hope, peace and a great big hug.

PLEASE, Please take care of you, (my advice to me as well) although we don't know each other, our hurt, being a great wife and broken hearts connects us to truly care for each other... God bless!

I would have been celebrating my 29th wedding anniversary on 6/23. My X is off with his whore living the high life. - or is he?

He's lost everything - a loving wife, two beautiful children and a wonderful home and friends. If he didn't appreciate all of that then shame on him.

You can't control what people do and if they don't want to be with you, then so be it. Don't give it another thought because all it's doing is serving to keep you in a bad place.

I took a mini vacation and only thought of the anniversary once and guess what... It wasn't sad - it was a brief thought, a shrug, and then onward and upward.

Trust your journey my friend...

Oh, and I want to also say he's running around travelling the globe? The key word here is RUNNING - from himself is my guess... xxoo

This is what happens eventually...your post reminded me...yes I had forgotten...mine is just around the corner too...Big Hugs...Kathy

Time
Distance
No Contact

Those are the three things that will heal you. Be gentle with yourself and trust me -- once you have had enough time for your feelings to settle and your new life begins to take shape, the anniversary will be just another day.

Big squeezy hugs to you, my friend. xoxo

I try to think about it as an anniversary of a day that was a great day for me. Yes we are no longer married, but at that time what an amazing time in our lives. Without that anniversary I would not have had my kids, I wouldn't have experienced everything I have in life.

That being said the first few anniversary's are very hard if you are still in the emotional turmoil of the divorce. Take the time to remember your special day if you can, it helped make you you.

Are they happy, I know most people say of course not, but some of them are. The father of my children is in a stable relationship, they are happy and you know what I am happy for him.

Imagine that I am happy for him, but really now that I am past the horrific pain. Would I have wanted to stay with a man who didn't love me, would I have wanted to work on a relationship where he was cheating NO WAY IN HELL... so I can now wish him well.

My attitude is that I hope he is happy, if he's not then all of this was for nothing. He left us, destroyed his family, ruined my life (for a while ) and for what. I truly hope he finds what he was looking for and what we together couldn't do.

(((HUGS))) you need to feel these feelings, of course you want to be happy. But you can't do that until you deal with the emotions you have.

He's still with the OW means he's still taking ADVANTAGE her. Knowing what you know, would you want to invest in a person who has a history of no responsibility and walks away at a drop of a pin ! I don't think so.
Good that you are holding yourself back from texting him. And if you are considering it, [don't you dare ] it's only to send the message that your new life is build on a much firmer foundation.

People who are really happy do not have the need to keep telling people so. They just are.

I agree with the others. Going as no contact as possible will help you move on more easily with less pain.

Having said that, healing involves allowing these feelings and facing up to them, so some time spent thinking about it is necessary. I don't mean feeling "woe is me". I mean standing outside yourself and having a good honest look. Yes, you're sad and you're hurting because he's done what he's done and this is your anniversary date which brings back memories of happier days and what "should" be. Thinking about it, or talking to someone about it, helps you to work through from "woe is me" to "this is actually better than how it was. I'm glad I'm no longer living with someone who disrespected me and cheated on me. Without that in my life, I can be a whole lot happier."

I cried enough tears to fill the oceans twice over during the first few years after our separation and the following divorce. It's part of the process. You can't jump straight to healed. Letting go happens slowly. A little bit more every time you face your emotions and work through them.

I'm close to 5 years down the track now, and I've only just allowed myself to realise that I had held onto the dream of "the fairytale". Much of my continued sadness was because I had believed in the "happy ever after". Life has never been about the fairytale. I think that's one of the things we, as people who married young and have had long marriages over 20 years, may have in common. We still thought getting married and having a family was the be-all and end-all in life when in fact, life is about growing and learning as individuals. Part of that is learning not to allow others to continually disrespect us. And one way to not allow that is to not allow them to get to us in our minds - to just say "well, that's him and he no longer effects me." Try not to take anything he does or says personally. Anyway, that's where I'm at right now.

love and hugs
kamary

A few if the comments particularly resonated with me. Momto2 had some good incite about viewing the actual anniversary date. It WAS a happy day at one time. The marriage resulted in love, good times and for some of us, children. It wasn't all bad. But it didn't last...for a number of reasons, each a little different and yet so familiar and 'common' for many of us that there are clearly predictable 'end' patterns.

I'm dismayed to see you write that you're 'amazed at how hurt' you are on your anniversary date three years post being together. While the healing journey is different for all of us - 'trust the journey' KRKing wisely said - I wonder if you've spent enough time really focusing on your healing. And by 'focusing' I mean doing specific activities that will help you move on. Not just 'existing', going to work, taking care of house and home etc.

Honey, waiting for an 'unbelievable' man to whisk you away if NOT the dream you need to focus on. Of course many of us do want that, and I am NOT one of those women who will say 'forget thinking about another relationship until you're 100% healed' or whatever! Heck, if you have a lot of love to offer, and desire to be loved again, I commend you! I just want to caution you that maybe, in some small way, that 100% healing will never be attained. We all hold onto some semblance of the pain and misfortune that befalls our lives. It's how we learn to protect ourselves as we move forward in our lives.

Point is...take care of YOU first and foremost! Love and ADMIRE yourself for all that you are and all that you've achieved. And the potential that your future life holds. Be grateful for what you have and for all that you've learned. When you can say that you've attained peace with your present life, accepted AND embraced your new life....then you'll be ready and open for love again. I believe it will happen for you...I know it! Hugs of support!

p.s. kudos to Kamary for her point that those who are truly happy don't need to constantly be validating their happiness by shouting 'I'm SO happy' to the world, and to KRKing for her point about your ex 'running' around the globe. Happy or not happy, he did NOT win. YOU WON your freedom from a man who was not committed to you. Congratulations! hugs