Your daughter is right on. Do the best you can. Just look forward. Hugs.

So hard.... divorce, the painful gift that keeps on giving.
Hope you can find a way to take your mother in law out to celebrate her birthday another time. 80 years is something to whoop it up for! I agree that attending at her son's house would be a mistake.

It was very gracious of them to invite you, but I agree it would be difficult to attend at your ex-husband's house. As MNMama suggested, find another way to show your MIL how much you care. Perhaps a nice lunch out at her favorite retaurant. I know it's a hurtful reminder of the realities of divorce, but try not to dwell on it too much. Focus on the good things and people in your life.

Good for you! I see my MIL whenever I can as well. In fact, she's coming to stay with me a few days this week. She always makes time on her visit up "North". I can't wait to see her. I love her a lot. I'm sure your MIL understands why you won't be @ her 80th party. I dread having to go to something where my ex and his new wife are there. The only things I can think of are funerals and weddings and my hope is there are enough people there to put some distance between us where I don't have to even speak to the bastard.

Best to you!

I am glad that you have maintained a relationship with your MIL and some family members. But I also remember feeling outraged when I received an invite to the (at that time) STBX's family reunion. Up to that point, none of them had offered any kind of support (with the exception of his youngest niece and her husband with whom I had always been close). Had I been in a better place emotionally at that time, I may have gone, but in hindsight, it surely would have been a disaster. I still can't believe he had the gall to take the OW with him, under the thinly veiled guise that she was "his friend from work." He didn't fool ANYBODY on that one.
These days, the OW is ancient history; she dumped him less than 2 years after the Divorce from Hell was final. I learned last summer that he actually remarried (something he swore he would never do) about the same time I sold the MD farm and moved to FL in spring of 2013 (to a woman he knew less than 6 months!) I would have no problem seeing him at this point (we have been divorced since 2007) but I would be tempted to say to the new wife "You have NO IDEA who he is and I wish you all the luck in the world." But I won't. I'll just smile and keep my mouth shut. I'm sure this scenario will occur at some point in time. The longer, the better.

I told a friend recently that had the ex met and married someone AFTER the divorce as I did, I might feel more comfortable going, however, that's not the case. He and his wife had a 6 year affair while we were married. It's the lieing and cheating that make me so uncomfortable along with the cruelty he showed during the divorce. Seeing them joined at the hip at my daughter's wedding was disgusting...his arm around her the entire time...ick. No thanks.

I also finally got up the nerve to be honest with my XMIL. Every time I drop her off (she hasn't driven in years), she always invites me into her apartment. I always make an excuse as I never will go there again, but this time, I told her why I couldn't. There is a big "family" picture that must have been taken when the ex got married...the entire "Smith" family along with HER 2 kids. The one time I did see it, it was like taking a bullet...just yet another reminder that the family was still there, but he had replaced me. I was a big part of that family for 25 years and that's what he did. My XMIL said she understood, so I am glad that's over with and she won't ask again.

startingover - I can relate to alot of what you are saying, especially the feelings involved. I haven't yet had to be in the company of my ex and the OW. At our daughter's wedding last year, the OW did not attend at my daughter's request. They are soon getting married so I'm sure at some point I will have to face this. It will be very hard. It was their "cheating" relationship that lead to the divorce and destruction of our family. I feel very replaced also. My former inlaw family has embraced her. You're right...after being a part of the family for over 26 years, it hurts. My MIL passed away shortly after my ex and I separated so I sadly do not have a relationship with her anymore. I'm glad you are still able to have such a good relationship with yours. I think it's good that you were able to be honest with her about your feelings.

My dear Moscato: Don't EVER think of yourself as being "replaced." You remember: Fine things are often imitated, but never duplicated! Big hugs to you.

Cowgirlkathi, you just made me giggle. So true. Some of us can maintain a semblance of a relationship with our ex, but some of us like me, forget it.

Thank you Kathi for your kind words.