I found new friends. I had " friends" from work but after divorce/split, I actually started spending time with them outside of work and became their friend. Unfortunately I am the only single in the group and I still struggle with single friends to do stuff with. I have 1 single friend and honestly many days I want to end the friendship but getting worried that if I do, I will have nothing to do. But as I have gotten further from my divorce and the raw emotions that come with it, I am a lot more willing to cut friendships and move on than I ever was No more being there for a girlfriend if they won't be there for me.

I basically have cut contact with our "mutual" friends and family. I got really tired of hearing everything my ex was doing. Not a good way to heal.

I didn't get to retain many of the 'mutual' friends because they were mostly his friends from work anyway. He didn't care to socialize with any of my friends so I guess I was lucky in that way. I had a few girl friends from the old neighborhood but like Lori, I found that staying in touch with them just made it more difficult for me to heel.

I joined some meetup groups but I haven't found any in my area for divorced folks over 40. It would seem I should gravitate towards those types of folks.

I kept my two best girlfriends..and their husbands. We were all very close and even vacationed together. I am friends with all of them. I think it is the fact that they didn't approve of his infidelity(s) and I was also the one that kept the friendships alive. We all still have a GREAT time together.

For a bit I went out with a bunch of single people at work. They were much younger than I but we all had a great time together. Most of them have moved now but when in town we all get together and we all keep in touch albeit sporadically.

Keep trying. You will get there. There are still MANY weekends I spend completely alone. Sometimes I like and others it hurts like hell.

The people that completely left my life were acquaintances that I had through the kids schools. I don't miss them. None of them. At all.

Kamary- I had that happen too. People who were acquaintances came out of the woodwork. Suddenly I had a lot of 'friend' requests on my facebook page that were more friends with stbx than me. Because I am RARELY on facebook - I added them as friends, but that was about it. As far as I am concerned - if people are concerned, they need to text me, call me, or email me Personally. Therefore, those requests are garbage to me. A good friend of mine is having a 31 party this weekend. She invited me thru fb. Screw that. I'm not going. FB? Really? If you would have mailed me an invite or texted me or called me or emailed me about it, I probably would have gone - but FB? I try to stay of FB because I am afraid I may say something about my STBX I may regret :-)

Changeforbetter, I joined FB just prior to the divorce decree, and closed down my account as far as possible, a couple of months later when my girls estranged from me. It was too hard to go there and find pictures of my ex with my kids and grandchild, and none of me.

All of the acquaintances who became my 'new' friends did it personally through phone calls and meeting up with me. Even then, there was at least one who I now know was only there to get as much information as she could get, and pass it on!! She used to walk with me every day, until one day I realised that she was the common link between my confidences (she was often the only one I confided in), and my story getting out somehow. I stopped telling her things and, miraculously, my secret personal feelings and small events stopped leaking out! And after that, she stopped listening to me when I needed to discuss other problems. It appears she was only there to spread gossip. I think that happens a lot on FB. People are nosy and just want to know what you're doing. They aren't always interested in what's really going on for you with a view to supporting you. My kids keep asking me to go on FB, but I'm sorry, my answer will always be, there are other ways to communicate. I don't want my private life splashed all over the internet. Plus there's always the chance people will take a comment the wrong way, as you say.

I was upset to get an invitation to my niece's 21st via email last year - until my now reconciled dear daughter told me "That's how everyone does it these days, Mum". All right, but give me the specially posted ones any day. Email and text feels very impersonal. Then again, I guess we were at least invited...

love and hugs
kamary

I noticed family turned on me when my marriage ended. My father in particular seemed less respectful than ever and downgraded his appreciation of me. I was no longer relevant.

I have found a woman who is recently divorced(a couple of years)that I have lots in common with. We both love photography and I actually found her in a Facebook group of amateur photographers who love shooting sunrises and sunsets, of all things. I noticed that many of her shots included local landmarks and was curious to know if she lived here or was visiting. So, I messaged her and was delighted to find out that that she's local. We got together for breakfast a few weeks ago and have gotten together again since then. So wonderful to know that I have a friend who is local and eager to get together, who understands all that I'm going through. Feeling very fortunate.

My entire social circle has changed in the two years that I have been on my own. I find it easiest to make friends by going to social events and clicking with friends of friends of friends sort of thing. I've also widened out at work and learned to make the first move in initiating a connection. It does get easier. Practice makes perfect.

Kmary I try to be friendly to new people I meet. I've tried to volunteer at horse events. This is a contact town and I don't have the proper contacts in this little town. Each new group has there own list of proper contacts. I know what I'm doing and learn quickly but I'm also an introvert and that doesn't help me at all. I'm really not used to having friends. I find people in this town are users and I've learned to wait and see if they stick around before I think they are friends. It saves me from having my feeling hurt.

Trisha, some people operate on a "what can you do for me" sort of reckoning. They'll never be real friends. Contacts are simply that and will be your "friend" as long as you're useful. I think you're wise to wait and see before you think people are truly your trusted friends. I have only a few real friends, and they don't live near me.

I get out and about a bit but I am also one who needs time to myself. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. It's if you try not to be one that you might get into trouble. If you understand and know yourself, and take care of your need for time out, that's totally ok.

I am also afraid of being hurt. Part of my trust problem is that people may be like my ex - nice at first and then nasty later. I'm learning that trusting is like loving. You know how they say we need to love ourselves before we can love another? Well, trust is much the same. We need to learn to trust ourselves to know when others are not good for us, and let them go without getting too involved. We also need to know when others are good for us and let them in. I'm willing to give it a go:)

love and hugs
kamary

This town is full of users that are all trying to make a name for themselves. They don

Sorry. I'm on my phone tonight.

They don't mind walking all over people they consider expendable. I was cautious about one woman and finally decided she might be a friend. For three years we helped where I was working and we did help each other. She's a realtor. As soon as she sold my house and I bought this land she disappeared. Poof gone. I had made the comment that I would eventually sell my house and she hung around.I volunteered at a horse show last year and she was there and made a put down comment about not having to work as hard to earn her money. First time I had seen her in 12 years. Then when I had to list my farm for sale she was back trying to get the listing. I can do without people like that in my life.

She was one of them. My ex is one of them. They know how to be charming for as long as they're getting what they want. The trouble is, we don't always see it at first because they're so good at it.

I'm being told that it's up to me to be aware of red flags and to listen to them. I'm still scared but I'm willing. There are nice people out there, and not everyone is going to be a close friend. I don't mind being an acquaintance as long as they don't talk about me behind my back, tell my secrets or treat me badly. I think if we realise a person is only interested in a business relationship, that's all right too. It's when, like your realtor, they pretend to want to be proper friends, that they're doing the wrong thing. Time to raise the antennae and increase the awareness.

love and hugs
kamary

I agree with you both re: "friends" who use you. I had to end two friendships this year because I realized that they were both using me. (It's great to live at the beach except for those who want to come "visit" and stay for free.)Took awhile to figure it out - they are so, so good at it, as you said - so hard to tell. Plus, you just don't want to believe it either. Very hurtful experiences, both. One had a been a very close friend for several years. Still having a hard time accepting that one.