Goldengirl:
I normally don't do this, but I see that there is some confusion (momto22001) about EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION laws. I went to divorcesource.com and copied the following for YOUR benefit. But also so you can consider what I offered in my earlier response to this topic -- that being that YOU are going to have to do something to try to earn some income for yourself. These days, people are expected to work until they reach normal retirement age -- unless, of course, they have some seriously debilitating condition or absolutely no skills or intelligence (I suppose). It doesn't matter if you were previously a stay-at-home mom or NOT -- your situation has changed and nobody gets a "free ride." So please read this and make sure you totally understand it. If you have questions, ask your attorney. And as far as people not getting back to you right away -- you have to remember -- YOU ARE NOT THEIR ONLY CLIENT!

SOUTH CAROLINA PROPERTY DIVISION
Property Distribution Laws in South Carolina In South Carolina the courts generally accept a fair and reasonable property division the parties agree to, but if the parties cannot agree, the Family Court divides the property within the Judgment of Divorce.

EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION, or “equitable apportionment” in South Carolina law, means that the court divides property equitably. South Carolina is dual classification state. The appreciation of separate property is separate property.

The judge decides what’s equitable, or fair, based on the complete picture of the marriage’s financial health and what each spouse needs to move forward after divorce. Equitable does not mean equal, or even half, but rather what the Family Court considers fair.

When the parties are unable to reach a settlement, the Family Court distributes the marital assets between the two parties in an equitable fashion.

Factors in Equitable Distribution
Following the Code of Laws for South Carolina - Chapter 3; 20-7-472, 20-7-473, family court considers:

the length of the marriage;
the age of the spouses;
marital fault or misconduct;
the current value of the property;
the contribution each spouse made to the acquisition of the property;
the income of each spouse;
the earning potential of each spouse;
the health of each spouse;
the need of each spouse;
the separate property of each spouse;
the retirement benefits of each spouse;
the tax consequences;
the expenses and debts of each spouse;
the custody arrangement if children are involved; and
any other relevant factors.
All the marital property must be divided when the marriage ends, so the court needs to know which property belongs to the marriage. This includes both the marital property and the non-marital property.

Credit card debt or poor investments with marital funds during marriage may create debt that belongs to the marriage and both spouses may be held responsible for a part of it.

Financial misbehavior – for example, habitual gambling – may be a factor in the division of property.

Hope this helps!

Golden - I understand, as we ALL do, that this process sucks. CowgirlKathi has a great story and I would completely take her advice to heart, even if you don't like it.

I took a lump sum. I don't live in a state that allows alimony. I was a stay home mom for 10 years. It was scary but I did it. No, I didn't have enough to BUY some place to live, I now rent, I had to cut cable, I eat almost all my meals homemade, I shop very little etc etc etc.

It doesn't mean that we have to like it, but it our new norm.

Your lawyer has now related to you the ball park limit of your expenses. Submit a revision that is 50% as per her request. My guess, your lawyer is smart enough trying to avoid the scrutiny eyes of the judge and knows how this is going to play out. I suppose, it might be implied the original expenses will draw red flags which will require justifications when questioned /challenged might put you at risk which translates to the likelihood of resulting at the normality 1/3 baseline.

As it turns out unfortunately, "lump sum" is not on the menu. Your people has confirm your stbx DOES NOT have available funds despite his age or probability of colon ca reoccurrences. The worse scenario is going back to court for due process to enforce payment if he fails. He's got property to lien. It's as good money!

What I know is....they will never give you MORE than half his salary minus whatever you make.

PsiChi is probably right about that. Even in Equitable Distribution states. The whole idea is so that NEITHER party has to live at poverty level when it's all said and done.

Goldengirl, your stbx may NOT be able to live in the luxury condo AFTER divorce! Equitable Distribution can level the playing field, but you would still be expected to get some kind of meaningful employment to make up the difference between alimony and your actual living costs.

And as to your fears of him getting sick again or quitting his job or whatever -- this is WHY Trisha and I have told you to settle OUT OF COURT and put that clause in the agreement that makes it IRONCLAD! We both did it -- it's not rocket science. It protects YOU against those eventualities and a court can't amend or rescind it. Period.

goldengirl... Please whatever you do, remember that you will have to live with the outcome of this legal matter. I hired an attorney that screwed me badly and now I am finding out she did not have my legal rights at heart. I didn't just hire the first attorney I sort, I was referred to her and was told she could be trusted to make sure I received everything that he owed me.... she didn't care, she had me to sign off a lot of legal rights I was entitled to... I share this to say if you feel that something isn't right legally about this attorney... TRUST your instincts, a lot of days I wish I would had.


Hope everything works out for you.

Bottom line is no one really ever comes out of the settlement hearing totally happy. I think it is wise to express how you are feeling to your attorney. Ask her why she thinks cutting the expense number in half is a wise idea--perhaps she knows how this judge will rule and is really looking out for you.

My attorney was straight forward with me, giving both the good and the bad advice. She said I wouldn't get alimony and I knew she was right. Some advice she gave and I said no--I didn't think it was in my best interest. I think she tried to let me know what to expect, that I wasn't going to get everything I wanted--it's a compromise.

There will be negotiation in this settlement. CGK and Trisha are right--if you can settle out of court, try to do this. If you go to court, then it's left up to the judge to decide.

Sending healing hugs!!

I also want to state in response to your question about can a lump sum be paid out. Mine was written out in the divorce decree. It wasn't what I wanted (I wanted one check) but he didn't have the money so I agreed because ultimately I just wanted our of my marriage. I could have forced his hand and made him sell the house, I chose not to do that so that he and my kids could never use it against me. I HAD TO FIGHT HIM EVERY SINGLE TIME A PAYMENT WAS DUE! It was a pain in the rear, but it eventually worked out.

No, he has not had to change his lifestyle and I DRASTICALLY changed mine, on the flip side, he is drowning in debt and I am not. I win

All great advice and insight on this…thanks to all for continuing to support me and answer my questions and remind of me things you've already told me 3 times before, lol. Thanks, Cowgirl for posting all the Equitable Distribution info. Very helpful. Thank you again.

So, H and I have been talking a good bit yesterday and today about trying to come up with a lump sum. We both feel so much better with that arrangement for several reasons. He seems to be trying to come up with a figure that matches what we have come with the alimony settlement. Today, he did some calculations and got fairly close and then said he would add a $50,000 loan to increase the amount(he works for a bank). It's still not quite high enough quite yet but we are continuing to work on it. Yes, I know that in the past he has not been trustworthy when it comes to money. But, if he comes up with the right number, we explore all the tax consequences, etc., my attorney and financial planner approve it, why not do it? I feel so incredibly relieved just thinking about the possibility.

It was written into the divorce decree that my ex had to maintain a life insurance policy with me as the beneficiary to cover the value of alimony should he die. I know that doesn't help you if your ex just loses his job, but, God forbid his cancer comes back and he dies, this would be a saving grace to you.

Cowgirl - I am and have been for many months trying to find a job. Sent out many resumes. Not even a call back yet. Very frustrating but I'm still trying. Although it's not impossible to find a job when you're pushing 60, and have been out of the workforce for a long time, it's very difficult. But, I can't and won't give up. There's got to be SOMETHING out there.

Moscato - That's great advice and we do have that accounted for in our settlement agreement, if that's the way we go. It's definitely something we need to add to the lump sum option as well. I wouldn't feel comfortable without it, given his recent medical history. He seems to be doing fine now but cancer can and often does return.

Luvmee - I am getting a bit concerned about my attorney. I'm not sure she's as tuned into our case as she should be. She has a ton of business and seems to be trying to race through this. That does make me uncomfortable. I have been very open and honest with her, told her all my concerns, many of which don't seem to matter to her. That concerns me. But, she's my second attorney. Really can't afford to switch again.