ohhh that stinks. It is amazing how much of my expenses I have cut, but you're right, real expenses are real expenses.

Did you tell her that you couldn't? He's going to have to get a 2nd job?

Ugh. She was going through my expenses one by one and pointing out the ones that were too high. But, I don't really feel they were. It was almost like she was representing him! Ugh. Have been wondering this afternoon if I need to switch attorneys again. I really don't want to do that but I feel like rather than fighting for me she's talking me out of things I need. I really have not asked for that much.

Ouch, I feel the same pinch, and yes real expenses are reAl, I'm renting 3 bedrooms as I have my sone every other week and daughter 2 out of every 3 weekends,
I'd prefer 2 and I'd sleep in a closet but to gave my kids I have to over spend
So cut expenses cuts them out
The week after I have my son I eat everything that is left and don't restock again until I have my kids,
Fried onion on stale bread,
So after you cut, as in no beer for me, as in only new clothes are work clothes, non work clothes are old work clothes, push out seeing the dentist and dr physical, after that whet does one cut?

Might be easier for a man to go spartan, I can clip own hair and aside from odd clothes for the non work setting not look like a screw ball or unkempt but for a woman/lady that must be a lot more difficult.

Take a hard look at what you can do without, you are a fine mom and person, now is time to be one tough bitch. Eat em and smile

I was close to laying down and dyeing over a broken heart and betrayal, but that would hVe cheated my kids,
Remember

life is always a beach, bummer for you and I that for the time being it is Omaha Beach.

It is time to Survive, survive to thrive

Have you told her that? Tell her what your feeling? That it's making you feel like she's working for him and not you. See what she says. Sometimes they will bicker with you down, because it will be easier for them to get it. She needs to do some work too.

cutting expenses is the worst. I got nothing from the ex. My child support is so small it is laughable. And even though I have extras built in to the decree it doesn't make any difference if he chooses not to pay those. I can't afford to take him to court.

I cut a LOT and it still feels like I am drowning some days.

That makes sense that they want to take the easy road but who suffers? Me!

I don't know what to tell you, but I have the feeling that your attorney is being realistic. In most cases, an alimony award by a judge would equal about 1/3 of an X's salary. That's why you have to have a strategy to make up the difference in the cash settlement part of the deal. I needed a fair amount of cash, investments AND alimony to keep things running on the farm (which was already paid off). And I had to be pretty smart with my money for the 6 year alimony period. What I think I'm hearing is that your attorney expects you to find some kind of employment so that you can at least partially support yourself. That's what mine did for me, so I took a part time, seasonal job while we were still trying to hammer out a settlement. It wasn't much, but it was SOMETHING.

But I'm also with KRKing911 - you need to TELL your attorney how you feel. I would ask WHY she is saying these things to you. Could be, she is giving you reality based on previous court decisions. I don't think she is "on your stbx's side."

I hear you, cowgirl. But, if an award by a judge equals about 1/3 of the x's salary, why don't they start with that number!!!! Why have I spent hours and hours and hours trying to come with my numbers, if they mean absolutely nothing? The attorney said nothing about that. Ugh. I am furious. What a horrible waste of time that could have been spent working on my resume, networking, getting closer to getting back into the workforce so I don't have to take a $10/hour job with no benefits.

I also wanted to reconsider a lump sum, knowing that if he loses his job, no more alimony. She said no! So, what am I supposed to do with no alimony? I have been dedicated stay-at-home mom for 20 years. I've got nothing! I am so upset.

I know here you can't get more than 50% of salary and it is very rare to get that much .

Your attorney is only being realistic but I don't know they didn't tell you that.

So, after a good night's sleep and a vow to make today a better day, my gut feeling is still telling me to get a lump sum, no matter what. The attorney and financial planner are against that, saying that he doesn't have enough money to do that. I wonder if there's a way to structure it so that you get a couple of lump sum payments - like maybe 2 or 3 - instead of one big one. Anyone know?

Goldengirl:
You wrote: "But, if an award by a judge equals about 1/3 of the x's salary, why don't they start with that number!!!! "

The LAST thing you want is for the judge to decide who gets what -- even though, I believe, you live in an Equitable Distribution state. The reason you are using an attorney is because the BEST CASE SCENARIO is to SETTLE OUT OF COURT! I used the 1/3 rule because that's NORMALLY what a judge will award in terms of alimony.

Now you're back to that lump sum nonsense. Yes, it has some merit BUT you are more likely to get a better settlement (in terms of Alimony) if you can negotiate that out.

I said in my last response, look at the BIG PICTURE and if you need an accountant or investment professional to guide you, get on the phone! Given the length of your marriage, if there are assets, I'm sure there is a figure whereby you will walk away with a certain amount of "cash" and a decent amount of alimony. Just remember -- any lump sum figure you get as part of divorce is TAX FREE TO YOU IF it is paid within 12 months of the divorce decree. Alimony is also TAXABLE TO YOU, but you should be able to maintain a relatively low tax-profile after the divorce.

I know of a woman who negotiated getting a % of what her now-X's business was worth, but because they never saved any money, the payout for THAT is over a 3-year period. Because of the way it is written in their settlement documents, she doesn't have any tax liability for THAT, but she also gets $5,000 A MONTH in Alimony and she DOES have to pay income tax on that amount.

Cowgirl - I have a divorce financial planner. I need her help badly. She has not returned my last two emails. Every great once in awhile she responds. That sucks. I told that to my attorney. My attorney said, "Maybe she's trying to save you money." OK, great. But, I friggin' need someone to answer my questions!! Who do these people think they are??? I'm a paying client, am I not?? Do they just respond to their most lucrative clients? My attorney showed me her computer screen and said, "In the past 20 mins., I have received 50 new emails. I can't get to all of them." Well, that says to me that you've got too damn much business. I just can't believe their attitudes. Ugh.

That being said, again, I hear you about the alimony being a better settlement overall. But only as long as he's working!!! The guy is 57 years old. Chances of him working another 8 years in a corporate setting are pretty slim. Plus, he's had a bout with colon cancer. Cancer often comes back. I see problems down the road with his ability to pay. No one seems to get that but me yet I'm the one who will suffer because of it. Why isn't anyone listening to me? I'm the one who knows him best.

We initially asked for $5,000 a month for 60 months, then $2,500 for 42 months until I'm 65. H cut those numbers in half. Attorney thinks we can get them up a little but not much. So, basically, I have to cut my expenses in half. My initial estimates were real numbers. I worked hard to get them just right. None of it is excessive. And yesterday, my attorney just tossed to them to the wind. WTF? Why did I bother?

Regardless of what your expenses are you can't take more than he can give. Whether it's 1/3 or 1/2 the. Courts are not going to give you more than he gets.

If you are equal distribution the. You can't get more than he gets to keep

You will need to cut your expenses either way, can you move, buy a smaller car, drop cable etc.

More sighing. :( Why do I have to cut back so severely when he doesn't? He's in a luxury condo. I will now have to buy something that is $100,000 less. He hasn't had to cut his expenses. But I will have to cut mine in half and endure a lot of extra work - preparing the house to sell, hiring contractors to fix it up, pack up the entire house myself, figure out a way to move without a moving company, find a new place to live most likely in a part of town I am not familiar with at all. This is not OK. My attorney doesn't have a problem with it. She's looking at the numbers period. That's not all there is.