You need to get back up, and get on the wagon, you do it for yourself and for family. You cannot deny that you have this so you do need to get yourself back in gear before you do run into problems....losing legs, going blind, and kidney/heart failure are not a good thing

mal - who are you seeing about your depression? If no one, is there someone you can see? We all get really down about having this disease. There are days I want to eat a pint of ice cream, but I know what diabetes can do, so I keep on plugging. My neighbor ended up losing his foot before he died of complications. My other neighbor has the paramedics showing up at his house every few months and his wife at her wits end.

Think of who you can call, and call them. You obviously know what you need to do to get yourself going again, and maybe you just need someone to check in with. Your talk of even slow suicide is worrisome. Please talk to someone and let us know how you're doing.

"It doesn't bother me one bit if this is a slow method of suicide"...

Could be, if you are OK with it..why post!

This slow method of suicide may not be as slow as you think. A too high blood sugar can lead to a stroke or heart attack, both of which can kill you, and if a stroke doesn't kill you it can leave you anywhere from slightly debilitated to living the rest of your life as a vegetable on a feeding tube and catheter. Or you could go blind, or lose a limb to gangrene or both.
I surely understand your depression. I was being treated for depression for many years before my diabetes diagnosis. It is treatable and worth getting treated for. If you're not getting treated for depression then please consider seeing your doctor and if you are being treated then perhaps your med(s) need adjusting. There is obviously a part of you that wants to be encouraged to take care of yourself.

listen mal.
Its OK to fall off the wagon. It doesn't mean your a failure in controlling your diabetes.
We all fall off and indulge at times on things we know will make our bloodsugars crazy.
the thing is ENJOY it while you are doing it! and don't feel so guilty. yea, you sound like your depression is eating you up alil bit not really the food. hugz

even I, after 16 years will 'fall off' for a day but I get right back on, the complications are enough for me to not want to do this purposely to my body

I'm not implying I want the complications, I've just been feeling indifferent; I don't have the energy or will to manage both diabetes & chronic depression. I go thru these phases where I just don't care...

Sounds like your depression needs some serious attention.
You can manage this and you can feel better.

I hope that you are able to ignore the nasty comments of some, or one, and concentrate on the people that are here to support you, for there are many.

I post to vent since I currently have no other outlets; those not attracted to my commentary are more than welcomed to scroll on by...

Mal- Its healthy to vent and I know all about falling off the wagon. For me its a one or two day thing but who knows how I will be after 3 or more years. Taking charge again for me is a series of baby steps. OK, maybe I can get "in hte groove" but I will pledge to eat at least one fruit per day for 3 days. On day 4 I will add something else.. and so on. You can do it !

on somedays i do agree with Mal. I just can't. I tell myself and its so...why idk but somedays are like that.

I just know I can do better and then decide I better do it now cause im gonna really wreck myself sooner... and someday i will not even have this option to decide for myself. im sure someone else will be in charge of doin it for me
so I still have freedom to choose and so that's what I use for my motiviation as of now. I know someday I will not have the option to choose.