Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members

160,807 Posts

0 Online

gordos4 12/27/2012

I know we have all heard this numerous times, but it's true. In order to achieve happiness & love, you have to love yourself first. I suspect many others on here have the same problem I do, I dont love myself very much right now. It is no wonder, what with the way I was raiised, always being told how worthless I was..I have been praying & praying to God to help me learn to love myself. It is going to be a hard process & a learning experience. I have no idea how to begin. The biggest obstacle is trying to rid myself of guilt. I feel guilt 24/7 for various things, even things that are out of my control. The guilt makes me not like myself very much. Does anyone else feel this way? Any suggestions?

heretic 12/28/2012

I've always loved myself and been very confused as to why others don't love me too. It's been tough acknowledging that I can't make others care about me, that I'm stuck caring for myself. It's a very lonely existence.

deleted_user 12/28/2012

For me the key to stopping the guilt and self hatred was realizing that God already knew! So when I confessed my sin for so many things, I realized he not only knew about them, but loved me anyway!

That was when I started to be able to love myself. If God could love me, then who was I to hate myself?

etherize 12/28/2012

There's guilt and then there's guilt. ;) What charliegirl is talking about seems to me to be "healthy guilt," the kind that prevents you from doing something harmful in the future. That kind is positive.

But depressed people have abnormal guilt, unhealthy guilt. Guilt that expands and expands, until it consumes everything. I also feel guilt 24/7. I feel enormously guilty over things that other people can just let go.

So yes, like you gordos, I have a lot of trouble with that, as well as with liking myself. I was not raised Catholic, but my mother was. ;) And yes, she had a LOT of guilt and low self-esteem, too.

I've recommended this before, but it's worth repeating, there is a great book called "Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind" by Kristen Neff. She talks about how when we pummel ourselves with guilt, we're sometimes doing so to show how "good" we are. Like, "if I beat myself up for XYZ, then God will know I'm really a good person." So it can be a way to pre-empt what we fear deep down will be God's punishment.

There's more ... and it's very interesting to see the psychological reasons why we do this. I recommend the book; good food for thought, and simple steps to help us love ourselves again. Easy to read, too. :)

Join the Conversation