Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm not okay.
I'm tired of telling everyone I'm ok.
I'm tired of acting like I'm ok.
I'm not o-fucking-k!!!
I find my life to be completely void of meaning despite the fact that I tell myself over and over again that my life has whatever meaning I want it to have. I don't trust myself or my own intentions. I never know how I really feel about myself, about the world, about anything at all. I'm always trying to be who I think I am but I have no idea who I am and it drives me insane because I feel like a complete phony. I feel like I am trying too hard to be myself. But when I stop trying so hard to be myself I feel like I'm not being true to myself. I know what I want out of life. But I'm always so afraid I will never get there. My whole family believes in me. They think I have the ability to reach my goals, but I'm not sure I do. Sometimes I feel like I am the smartest person in the world, and other times I feel totally inept. I often believe myself when I tell myself that I will make a really great politician.. but then I find myself in class sometimes not knowing what people are talking about and it makes me feel stupid and inept. Sometimes I wonder if I should have stuck with social work. I'm a confident person but when I am alone and I get to thinking I start to look at myself and wonder what the hell I have to be so confident of. I look at myself and think I'm just lying to myself if I really think I am so awesome. I truly believe in myself, but when I'm alone and I get to thinking I wonder if it's all just a self-grandizing illusion... I dunno.. I guess sometimes I just don't trust my own eyes, my own heart, my own mind and my own feelings. I know I should.. but.. fuck I don't even know what I am talking about here anymore...
I'm just lost and just plain not ok.
I'm tired of telling everyone I'm ok.
I'm tired of acting like I'm ok.
I'm not o-fucking-k!!!
I find my life to be completely void of meaning despite the fact that I tell myself over and over again that my life has whatever meaning I want it to have. I don't trust myself or my own intentions. I never know how I really feel about myself, about the world, about anything at all. I'm always trying to be who I think I am but I have no idea who I am and it drives me insane because I feel like a complete phony. I feel like I am trying too hard to be myself. But when I stop trying so hard to be myself I feel like I'm not being true to myself. I know what I want out of life. But I'm always so afraid I will never get there. My whole family believes in me. They think I have the ability to reach my goals, but I'm not sure I do. Sometimes I feel like I am the smartest person in the world, and other times I feel totally inept. I often believe myself when I tell myself that I will make a really great politician.. but then I find myself in class sometimes not knowing what people are talking about and it makes me feel stupid and inept. Sometimes I wonder if I should have stuck with social work. I'm a confident person but when I am alone and I get to thinking I start to look at myself and wonder what the hell I have to be so confident of. I look at myself and think I'm just lying to myself if I really think I am so awesome. I truly believe in myself, but when I'm alone and I get to thinking I wonder if it's all just a self-grandizing illusion... I dunno.. I guess sometimes I just don't trust my own eyes, my own heart, my own mind and my own feelings. I know I should.. but.. fuck I don't even know what I am talking about here anymore...
I'm just lost and just plain not ok.
i understand what you are saying about fake i have to do that sometimes..right now as a matter of fact with people at my home and it sucks raw eggs..
i hope you feel better soon
keep working toward your goals, on healing the depression and past issues. realize that these times of wondering who we really are, we all have, and that goes on throughout life. questioning these things shows maturity and strength of character. doing the best you can and being a good person, is really the best any of us can do. best wishes.
but often, stress or sleep, causes my depression to be worse. sleeping, helps make the problem go away in the morning. i suggest doing something calming or going to sleep.